


Forever and Always

by totallynotaddicted



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Fem!Iwa, Growing Up, Implied Sexual Content, Multi, Oikawa fights someone man, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, body image issues, chidhood shenanigans, confessions by the shit load man, family troubles, i just really needed some girl iwa in my life okay, mentions of other characters as well, slight verbal abuse (nothing too bad but Iwa's dad is mean), teenage agnst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-03-31 02:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 75,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3961153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallynotaddicted/pseuds/totallynotaddicted
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em> “No, I’d just wish you were on my team. Doesn’t matter if you are a boy or girl.”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <em>And Oikawa finds himself totally agreeing with himself. It didn’t really matter her gender or sex. So long as she was there, next to him, somehow, he would be fine.</em></p>
<p>  <em>And that’s when he realizes how deeply he loves his best friend. </em></p>
<p> </p>
<p>(AKA: the story of how Oikawa falls in love with the best friend in the whole wide world, iwaizumi Hajime.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have a thing for using song titles for all my stories gomen.
> 
> Yoo anyways, as an Iwaoi fan that has sifted through a bunch of fanfics I've noticed that people tend to make Oikawa the girl and Iwaizumi the boy and like that's cool and all but... girl!Iwa-chan is p great too. So I wrote this monster of a fic to indulge myself and I actually really liked the way it came out?! I know there is still probably a bunch of mistakes but this thing is so damn long that I can't do it right now. ;-; 
> 
> Anyways, hope that all iwaoi shippers out there can enjoy it.

The first time they meet was when they were five.

Oikawa had lived in his little house in the suburbs ever since he could remember and the old couple next-door had been there for even longer. He loved going over to play because they loved him to death and Oikawa was always able to convince them to shower him with sweets. Oikawa’s mother said that he was abusing their kindness but allowed her son to go over anyways.

 _You’ll grow out of it_ , she reasoned to him one day. _You’ll learn to ask for what you want outright._

Oikawa didn’t understand what his mother meant by that and continued to happily munch his cookie.

However, the old couple was going away, leaving a very small and very upset Oikawa behind. He had fumed for weeks when he had found out. He complained to his mother, to his father, to his teacher, to his friends, to the old couple. He even went out of his way to complain to a random stranger on the street!

 _You won’t believe it_ , he told everyone. _It’s the worstest thing that has happened in my life! The old couple next-door, the ones who live in the blue house with the big, old tree that has a tire, the ones that I love most in the world, they’re leaving! They’re going away! What am I gonna do now? Who will play with me? Who will love me like they did?_

He whined and whined and whined. His friends humored him and did their best to comfort him. They would bring him candy and chocolates and all kinds of goodies in hopes that Oikawa would feel better.

 _Oikawa-kun!_ They would say as they thrust their presents into his hands. _For you! Please, don’t be sad anymore._

Oikawa took these gifts and stuffed them in his face. He loved the food and loved the attention even more, but nothing was able to fill the hole in his heart.

 _Mama, why can’t I go with them?_ Oikawa asked during dinner the day before the old couple was due to move out.

 _Because you belong here,_ answered his mother curtly. _They're going back to the old farm where they grew up. Surely they’ll be happier there. Besides, I’ve meet the new family and they're very nice. They even have a kid around your age!_

 _But I don’t want that!_ exclaimed Tooru angrily. _I want the Yamadas back!_

 _Aiko, please shut our child up,_ had grumbled Tooru’s father.

 _Tooru, just be happy that someone your age is coming,_ had said his sister.

 _Please be happy for the Yamadas,_  his mother had pleaded. 

And Oikawa did try, he really did. But he cried and wailed as he watched the Yamadas pile into a taxicab with a few of their belongings and drive away. Oikawa’s mother had picked him up and he had sobbed into her shoulder.

 _Will I ever see them again?_ sniffled Oikawa.

 _Probably not_ , said his mother.

He cried for another couple of hours.

Now here he sat in his backyard, two weeks after the traumatic event, staring at the white picket fence that separated the two houses. Oikawa knew that the new family had moved in two days after the old couple had left. He had seen the big truck and the family that had piled out. His mother hadn’t been lying when she told him that they had a kid his age, but Oikawa had been so far away he couldn’t tell if they were a boy or a girl. Not that it mattered either way since he didn't want to meet his new neighbors anyways. When the newcomers had visited the Oikawas to make polite conversation he had locked himself up in room and refused to go downstairs, stating that he already hated them.

His mother had lectured him afterwards.

Oikawa hadn’t cared.

He really hadn’t.

But, sitting here in the blistering sun and staring at the fence, Oikawa couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. It really wasn’t the new family’s fault that the old couple had left. He had no right to be mean to them. It was probably too late to say that he was sorry, though. 

He sighed and picked up the volleyball he had brought outside with him. He started to bump to himself, concentrating on controlling the ball. Unfortunately, his small five-year-old limbs were not coordinated enough and he constantly kept messing up.

“Stupid!” he yelled, fed up with his failure. He slammed the ball down in his frustration and it ricocheted off the ground. It flew higher, higher, and higher until it blocked the sun and came spiraling back down. Down, down, down to the backyard next door.

Oikawa’s stomach dropped.

Someone yelped on the other side of the fence. 

Oikawa winced and ran towards the sound.

 “I’m sorry!” he wailed. He grabbed an old bucket that was lying around and used it as a step stool to peer over the fence. He pressed his palms together as though he were praying and bowed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll pay for the hospital bills, I swear! Once I get the money I’ll do it!”

“Hospital? The hell?”

Oikawa gasped and his eyes flew open in horror. Below him stood a child his age, rubbing their head with one hand and the other holding the volleyball. They had a fitted cap over their head and wore ragged and dirty clothes.

“Hell is a bad word,” whispered Oikawa. “Mama told me not to say such things.”

The other kids rolled their eyes. “So did mine, but I do it anyways.” They stopped rubbing their head and extended the volleyball towards Oikawa. “This yours?”

“Yeah!” replied Oikawa, making needy grabbing motions. “Thank you!” The kid snorted and quickly drew the ball away. “Hey!” exclaimed Oikawa angrily. “That’s not nice! Give it back!”

“You’re annoying,” said the kid, throwing the volleyball up and down. “And rude too. Your parents told us that you didn't want to meet us because you were angry at us. And now two weeks later you hit me in the head with this.” They held the volleyball up. Oikawa made a lunge for it and nearly toppled over. The kids snickered as Oikawa fumed.

"It was a mistake," Oikawa said angrily.

The kid stuck their tongue out at Oikawa before continuing. “I’m going to keep this ball as a peace offering.”

“What?! No! Give it back!” Oikawa yelled, standing on his tip-toes and waving his hand around in hopes of getting the ball.

No such luck and the kid sneered at him. “It’s your own fault. You did this all to yourself.”

“Nuh-uh,” said Oikawa, still struggling to reach the ball. The kid laughed. “Stop that! Give it back! I’m going to tell my mama!”

“Watcha gonna tell her?” they jeered. “That I’m holding your toy hostage?”

Oikawa stared at them dumbly. Never before in his life had he ever had to deal with someone of this caliber.

“I-uh-bluh,” he sputtered.

The kid sighed and put down the ball. “Tell you what, I’ll give it back if you help me collect bugs.”

“Bugs?” said Oikawa, scrunching up his nose. “No way! They're so gross!”

“What are you, a sissy?” egged the kid.

 _Oh, they’re good,_ Oikawa thought. “No!” He let out a loud and long groan before relenting. “Fine! I’ll go collect bugs with you.”

“I have another net. You can come over if you want, I don’t care. My parents aren’t home.”

Oikawa cocked his head to the side. “You’re parents left you alone?”

“Yeah,” replied the other kid.

“I wish mine did that,” Oikawa grumbled.

“It’s not that fun, trust me. Anyways, get over here. I’ll open the door for you.” Oikawa nodded and hopped off the bucket. He scrambled next door, something he hadn’t done in a while, and waited breathless for the door to open.

It did open and out emerged the kid. They looked even dirtier up close, which Oikawa found fascinating. In their hand they held two nets. They handed one to Oikawa and he graciously accepted it. The kid stuck out their hand and Oikawa regarded it curiously. “Iwaizumi. My name is Iwaizumi Hajime.”

It was hard to tell if they were a boy or girl but they looked much more like a boy with their bruised knees and hard glare. Plus they didn’t indicate their gender so Oikawa decided that the child before him was a boy. Hajime was a male name, anways.

“Oikawa Tooru,” said Oikawa brightly, shaking Iwaizumi’s hand.

“Come on in,” said Iwaizumi, beckoning Oikawa in inside. Oikawa did so happily. Iwaizumi lead him through the familiar hallway, now made unfamiliar by the Iwaizumis. The house smelled different too. No longer did it have the aroma of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, but the new scent did not offended Oikawa’s nose. He could get used to it.

The two kids burst into the backyard and Iwaizumi hurriedly dragged Oikawa towards the back. “See that,” he said, pointing to a jar that was hidden by the bushes. “That’s where I’ve been putting them.” Iwaizumi dropped his net and extracted the jar from its hiding spot. He proudly showed it to Oikawa, raising it up as though it were a trophy.

And it probably was to Iwaizumi. However, Oikawa’s stomach flipped at the amount of creepy-crawlies in the jar. He was, however, impressed by how many Iwaizumi had managed to catch.

“That’s a lot. Do you really need more?” 

Iwaizumi nodded feverishly. “There are almost no bugs in the city. All we had were mosquitoes and flies.”

“The city?” asked Oikawa, perking up. “You’re from the city?”

“Yeah, what of it?”

“Which one? Which one?” asked Oikawa, bouncing up and down.

Iwaizumi scowled. “Tokyo. But it’s not that big of a deal. The city sucks. It’s too gray and loud. I like it here much better. More trees and space. Everything is so cramped over there.” Iwaizumi wrinkled his nose. “Yep, much better here.”

“If you say so,” said Oikawa, shrugging. “I would love to live in a city! Hey, maybe you can take me the next time you guys go there!”

Iwaizumi frowned. “Nah. I’m never going back there again! Believe me, it stinks. Now, c’mon and help me find some bugs.”

They each take a net and start to search for the pesky parasites. Oikawa had a lot more fun they he would like to admit, swinging the net around and chasing after bugs. Iwaizumi managed to snag a butterfly too. He held up to Oikawa, who stared at it in awe.

“I’m gonna keep it,” Iwaizumi declared.

Oikawa shook his head. “No! Don’t do that! Don;t you know that butterflies are the messengers of the gods? If we keep it that butterfly won’t be able to do its duty!”

“That’s stupid,” replied Iwaizumi, but lets it go later due to Oikawa’s whining.

“You’re annoying,” Iwaizumi said as he watched the butterfly fly away. “I don’t know if I’m gonna like being your neighbor. My parents prolly won’t like you much either.”

“That’s not true at all! Your parents will love me! All parents do!” He puffed his chest out proudly.

“What is that?” asked Iwaizumi, sniggering. “Are you trying to make yourself look cool and manly?”

Oikawa deflated, hurt and offended. “Iwa-chan!” he cried. “You’re so mean!”

He scowled at the nickname. “Iwa-chan? The hell is that? Don’t call me that!”

“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa taunted, dancing around Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi bristled with anger and started to chase after Oikawa, who merely laughed and danced away.

“Get over here!” Iwaizumi roared, swatting at Oikawa with the net. Oikawa only howled harder and ran faster.

The two children soon got tired and laid down on the grass. It was late afternoon by then and the sun was no longer beating down mercilessly on the earth. Oikawa started to point out shapes in the cloud.

“Look, Iwa-chan! That one is an alien!”

“Don’t call me that! And that’s just a blob. Get over yourself,” grumbled Iwaizumi.

“Nuh-uh! Look closely! See? That’s the head, that’s the body, and that’s the laser gun!”

“What are you, four? It’s still just a blob.”

“ _Hmph_. Iwa-chan has no creativity.”

Iwaizumi shot up. “I do too!” he exclaimed, glaring down at Oikawa. "And don't call me that! Or I'll come up with something for you too!"

Oikawa smirked. “Okay, whatever you say, Iwa-chan~”

“Trashykawa! Trashy, Trashy, Trashykawa!” Iwaizumi exploded.

Oikawa sat up too, eyes wide. “What did you just call me?” he asked, offended.

“Traaaassshhhykawa,” jeered Iwaizumi, snickering when Oikawa lunged for him and tackled him to the ground. “I’ll call you that and a bunch more if you keep calling me Iwa-chan!”

Oikawa’s face flushed. “I'm never gonna stop calling you ‘Iwa-chan’! So you better get used to it… Iwa-chan!”

The smile faded and was replaced with an intense scowl and burning eyes. “Shittykawa!”

Oikawa gasped and scooted away from Iwaizumi, as though he were toxic. “Language!”

“See what I mean?” Iwaizumi said. 

Oikawa gritted his teeth. He would not allow for Iwa-chan to see how uncomfortable he was with his own nicknames. “Fine!” he spat. “Do your worst!”

Iwa-chan opened his mouth to say more but the door flew open and out came Iwa-chan’s mother.

“Hajime,” she said, startled. “Is this…”

Oikawa got up and did his best to brush the dirt off his clothes. He strutted up to her and bowed. “I’m Oikawa Tooru!” he said. He gave her his best smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Iwaizumi-san!”

Iwaizumi’s mother placed a hand over her heart. “My, my, my! Hajime, look at how polite Oikawa-kun is! Why can’t you be more like?”

Oikawa turned around and flashed a devious grin to Iwa-chan, who was looking at him with barely contained rage. “He’s a total brat, I swear!” Iwa-chan wailed

“Now, now, Hajime, that is now way to speak to a guest,” chided his mother.

“But is he!” insisted Iwa-chan, standing up. “He only came over because he sent his volleyball over the fence!”

“But Oikawa-kun is here now. Say, do your parents know you’re here?” Oikawa shook his head. “Dear me, come along, children. I’m going to take Oikawa-kun home. You’re coming along too, Hajime. Don’t make that face, come on.”

Iwa-chan stomped his way to Oikawa’s house. There his mother fretted over the sorry state of his clothes and tried to make both him and Oikawa more presentable.

“We went looking for bugs!” chirped Oikawa when Iwaizumi-san had finished taking twigs out of his hair.

“Of course you did,” said Iwaizumi-san, glaring at Iwa-chan. Her child looked back at her blankly. “What games do you like to play, Oikawa-kun?”

“I really like videogames! And volleyball!”

“Look at that, Hajime, you like to play those these too.”

“Please don’t force me to play with him,” begged Iwa-chan. “I don’t wanna!”

“I can’t force you, but I’m sure that you two will get along much better later on.” She rang the doorbell and placed a hand on Iwa-chan’s shoulder. Iwa-chan looks as though he wanted to bite it but refrained from doing so. Oikawa’s father opened up the door and smiled when he saw who it was.

“Fuka-san! Hajime-chan!”

 _Hajime-chan?_ thinks Tooru.

“What a pleasure to see you! Tooru, what are you doing with them?”

“They had a little play-date,” said Iwaizumi-san. “I thought that it would be a good idea to bring Oikawa-kun back here.”

“Hm, it certainly was. My wife is almost done with dinner. Would you like to join us?”

“No thank you. I’m about to make dinner myself. Unless Hajime would like to stay here.”

“No thank you,” replied Iwa-chan, fidgeting.

Oikawa’s father smiled. “Did you two have fun?” Oikawa nodded enthusiastically and Iwa-chan looked away.

“It was okay,” Iwa-chan sniffed.

Oikawa’s father laughed. “Fuka-san, it’s almost as though you are raising a son!”

Iwazumi-san sighed. “It feels like that sometimes.”

_Like a son? What did they mean, like a son? Wasn’t Iwaizumi a boy? Surely, surely this sour-faced kid wasn’t a girl. There was no way-_

“You’re a girl?” asked Oikawa.

Iwa-chan blinked. “Yeah. You-you didn’t know?”

The three look at Oikawa in silence. Oikawa’s father and Iwaizumi-san look mildly embarrassed but Iwa-chan’s sharp gaze was unusually blank.

“I-I thought that you were a boy,” he admitted quietly. Now that he looks at her, he could see her more feminine qualities. Her frame was too slim to be male’s, her eyes a little too wide, lashes long and she had girl lips. But with that stupid cap on she looked much more like a guy.

Iwa-chan bursted out laughing. “See, mom?” she said, pointing at Oikawa and tugging her mother’s pants. “He thought I was a boy! I could totally try out for the boy’s team! They won’t suspect a thing!”

“They will, after they see the papers,” muttered her mother. “Let’s go, Hajime. It was nice meeting you Oikawa-kun. Nice seeing you again, Satoshi-san.”

“The same to you, Fuka-san.” Father and son waved to mother and daughter until they were out of sight. Oikawa’s father closed the door and looked down at Oikawa. “You really thought Hajime-chan was a boy?”

Oikawa flushed and scuffed the floor with his shoe. “She wanted to catch bugs and acted like one,” he said lamely.

Oikawa’s father laughed. “Well, I can’t blame you for that.”

“Dinner’s ready!” called Oikawa’s mother.

“Tell us about your day during dinner,” said his father.

“Okay!” agreed Oikawa.

And he did.

And he loved every second of it.

 

\---

 

Oikawa did not know what to think about his strange new neighbor. Iwa-chan was much too boyish for Oikawa to consider her to be a girl and the more they hung out the more she started to use male pronouns. Her mother did not like that, said Iwa-chan, but she liked it so she was going to do it. Oikawa asked her if she wanted to be guy and she said, and he quotes:

_Why would I want to be a yucky, smelly guy?_

Now, Oikawa himself wasn’t anything like that but he had met some yucky, smelly guys and he could not help but agree that it was embarrassing to be grouped with those kinds of people. Yes, being a girl was much better.

He warmed up quickly to her, though, just like Iwaizumi-san had predicted. He just didn’t like to say it out loud. And he especially wouldn’t say it to her face.

“Iwa-chan,” he said one lazy summer day. The sun was beating down on the world and the two of them were under the old tree in Iwa-chan’s front yard. Iwa-chan sat in the shade while Oikawa swung on the tire. Iwa-chan had her nose buried in a book, much to Oikawa’s disdain. She never paid him any attention when she was reading.

“Iwa-chan,” he called again.

“Yeah?” she replied.

“When are you going back to school?”

Iwa-chan frowned and looked up at Oikawa. “School?” she asked.

“School,” said Oikawa, kicking his feet out and swinging higher. “I’m going back tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” asked Iwa-chan. “I’m going to school in three days.”

“Three days? Unfair! I want three more days!” complained Oikawa. “I want to spend more time with you!” Oikawa would never admit it to anyone else but he and Iwa-chan had become close friends in the past two weeks. Oikawa showed Iwa-chan the best places in the neighborhood, little niches in her new house, and that stepping on cracks on the sidewalk was bad luck. Iwa-chan told him about the city, taught him the best places to find bugs, and how to tell someone’s fortune by looking at their palm.

Sure, she was occasionally mean to him, but her insults held no bite. Such as now, for example.

Iwa-chan scowled. “What makes you think that I want to spend more time with you, trashykawa?”

Oikawa whined loudly. “Meeanniieee…”

“You do it to yourself,” she quipped quietly and returned to her book. “How are the kids at your school?” she asked, trying to be casual about it. It might have fooled someone else but Oikawa noted that she was biting her lip too hard for it to be a flippant comment.

“They’re great!” he said, kicking his feet and propelling the tire even higher. _(“Don’t break it!”   “Don’t_ _worry, Iwa-chan! I won’t!”)_ “All the kids in the area are. You won’t have any trouble fitting in.”

“Stupid, that’s not at all for what was I was going for!” But her lips are quirked in a smile and she visibly relaxed against the tree.

Oikawa smiled to himself and continued to swing, humming and already planning out what he would tell his friends about his new neighbor.

 

\---

The first time Oikawa saw Iwa-chan in her school uniform he laughed.

Iwa-chan puffed up her cheeks angrily which made her look even more ridiculous in her green and black plaid jumper.

“I-I-Iwa-chan!” Oikawa cried, clutching his stomach and wiping away his tears.

“Shut up!” she yelled, red in the face from both anger and embarrassment. She crossed her arms and glared at the sidewalk. “I told mom that I would look stupid…”

Oikawa felt a little guilty for his teasing, but instead patted her back. “Don’t worry about for too long. You get to wear a skirt when you’re older.”

“That’s not much better,” she complained. “I don’t like skirts or dresses! I just wanna wear shorts, like you!” she exclaimed, gesturing to Oikawa’s uniform.

Oikawa grinned and struck a pose. “I look great, I know,” he bragged. He blew a kiss at Iwa-chan and she punched his shoulder. “Ow! Mean!”

She snorted. “It’s your fault that I’m this way. Maybe if you weren't so-so agogant I wouldn’t do it.”

“Agogant? What’s that?”

“It means that you’re full of yourself,” she sniffed.

“I am not full of myself!” said Oikawa defensively. “It’s not my fault that I’m so perfect.”

Iwa-chan muttered something under her breath that Oikawa didn’t catch. Oikawa opened his mouth to ask her what was on her mind, but the bus rolled around and Oikawa had to say good-bye to her. He hopped unto the bus and plopped down on his normal seat. He opened the window and screamed loudly while waving, “BYE, IWA-CHAN!” Oikawa howled with laughter when she started to spew insults at him. They yelled at each other until they were too far away to hear the other's voice.

“Who was that?” asked one of his friends.

“That’s Iwa-chan,” replied Oikawa proudly. “My Iwa-chan.”

 

\---

 

Iwa-chan didn’t have any trouble fitting in, just like Oikawa had predicted.

Sure, she was rough around the edges and constantly got into fights. Sure, she had the mouth of a sailor and she always had a bruise that she would proudly display. But she was kind, loyal, caring and soft when she wanted to be. She quickly made friends with the boys in her class and most of the girls as well. The guys like her rough-and-tumble ways. The girls like her attitude.

Oikawa came home before her and he always waited at the bus stop for her. She would hop off the bus, her short hair askew, jumper dirty, and one white sock longer than the other. She always had a new injury to show off and an even better story to go along with it.

“I got this when Toshi-kun and I fell during soccer,” she said, pointing to an ugly black and purple bruise on her shin.

“Mei-chan couldn’t get the crayons on the top shelf so I stood on the stool and got them for her but I fell,” explained the bright yellow and pink band-aids on her elbow.

“Katashi-kun is a bully so I punched him in the face,” was the reason why she had a black-eye.

Her mother always fretted and scolded her for acting in such a rash way. Oikawa, on the other hand, admired her for it. He wished that he were strong enough to stand up to bullies like that. He wished that he was able to rough-house with others and win like her. 

Oikawa really liked that about her. Her strength. Sometimes it was in your face like when they raced and Iwa-chan beat him by a couple of seconds or when they were playing soccer with the neighborhood kids and she kicked the ball so hard that it was more missile than ball. Other times it was quiet like when he heard her father and mother yelling at each other and she didn’t flinch or when she held Oikawa when he cried when his sister went away to college. Her strength was definitely her best quality.

“You’re very strong. I like that about you,” he confessed to her one late October day. They were at the park near the forest where the trees grew so high they seemed to touch the sky. They were playing around and Iwaizumi had climbed up one of them and was currently sitting down on a branch, swinging her legs to an unknown beat, an image of her that was stick with for the rest of his life.

“What are talking about?” she asked, peering down at him.

“You’re the strongest person I know. I bet you’re stronger than my dad!”

She shook her head. “My mom is the strongest. Not me. I only pretend.”

Oikawa couldn’t really see how it was all pretend. There was no faking her powerful stance when she stared down Yoshi, the mean kid five houses down, or how hard she could already spike the volleyball Oikawa constantly tossed to her.

“It’s not pretend,” he whispered to her quietly. He chewed his bottom before a light bulb went off in his head. “Hey, I’ll prove it to you! Iwa-chan, be my wife!”

“What?!” she exclaimed, almost falling out the branch. Her grip on the branch was extra tight now and she stared down at him with eyes as wide as saucers. 

“Be my wife,” he repeated, smiling. “If you’re my wife you have to be with me all the time so that I can show you all the ways that you are strong every single day!”

Iwa-chan’s face twisted. “That ain’t how marriage works, stupid. Besides, why would I marry you? Or anyone, really. It’s dumb. I can live by myself just fine.”

“You need someone,” insisted Oikawa, trying to climb up the tree. Iwa-chan eyed him warily. “Everyone does, else you get lonely. And I don’t wanna be lonely.”

“That’s you,” she snapped as she watched Oikawa jam his foot on the bark incorrectly and tumbled off.  He bounced back up easily and tried again. “I don’t care if I’m lonely.”

“That can’t be right,” said Oikawa, the rough bark digging into his soft hands. “Nobody wants that.”

“Who says that living with someone can’t make you lonely either?” she spat bitterly. Oikawa’s eyes widened as he saw a sharp, cold edge take over her eyes. “Who says that being married means happily ever after?”

Oikawa opened his mouth but no words came out. Besides, it was too late anyways. Iwa-chan had already hopped off of the tree and started to stalk back home. Oikawa watched her go, suddenly sick to his stomach. How was it possible to live with someone and feel alone? That made no sense! What could possibly make Iwa-chan think like that.

 _I just have to prove her wrong_ , Oikawa thought to himself as he jumped off the tree and raced after Iwa-chan. _I'll prove her wrong someday._

\---

 

 _My mommy and daddy don't love each other_ , Iwa-chan told him. _They don’t love each other and he doesn’t love me._

Oikawa didn’t understand. How could a dad not love his own child? Especially one such as cool as Iwa-chan.

But then Oikawa saw Iwa-chan's father stumble home drunk one lazy Wednesday night and he heard her parents yelling, hurling vicious and poisonous insults at each other. The doors are locked, window curtains drawn but the lights are on and Oikawa was transfixed by the shape of the adults clashing with each other.

“Come along, Tooru,” said his mother, grimacing. “No need to watch them.”

But Oikawa wanted to watch. He wanted to watch because that was what Iwa-chan was living and he wanted to understand why the next day she doesn’t show any indication of the screaming match that went down at her house the night before. The only thing that suggested what she had gone through were the dark circles under her eyes.

“You can come over to my house next time,” said Oikawa quietly. “I have a new alien movie that I want to watch with you.”

She blinked, surprised. Maybe she had been hoping that Oikawa hadn’t noticed what had happened. But her eyes are soft when she replied, “Okay. Thank you.”

And she does come over, that night actually. She curled up with Oikawa on the couch and the two watched the movie in silence, the harsh glow of the TV their only source of light. Her hair tickled underneath his chin and Oikawa could feel her breath on his neck. It’s comfortable to be like this. He liked holding her in his arms. It kinda felt as though he was protecting her, shielding her. He was the strong one for once. 

She left once the coast is clear and thanked both Oikawa and his family for allowing her to stay over. The next day her mother showed up with cookies and years upon years of gratitude. She looked tired and haggard but she was beaming at her daughter and Oikawa as though they were the most precious things to her. And maybe they were.

The fighting got worse. _It’s not safe for Hajime to be in her house anymore,_ said Iwa-chan’s mother, so Iwa-chan became the Oikawa’s new adopted daughter for the month. Both Oikawa and Iwa-chan are too young to understand the seriousness of the situation. All they knew is that they were having a very, very long sleepover and that they would be able to play with each other any time they wanted without having to go over to each other’s houses.

Iwa-chan inherited Oikawa’s sister’s room and Oikawa constantly snuck in during the night. They stayed up late into night, quietly talking to each other and falling asleep in each other’s arms. The Oikawas didn’t know what to make of the two children when they first saw the scene, Oikawa sprawled on the bed with Iwa-chan’s foot near his face and Oikawa almost kneeing her’s. They are baffled but quickly accept it and take a couple of pictures for memories sake because the children looked so cute huddled together.

Oikawa learned that Iwa-chan liked to sleep with long sleeves and shorts and she preferred her red socks over to her blue socks to sleep in. He learned that putting on a jumper a tougher than it looks and that it is very uncomfortable to wear. He also learned that she liked to listen to music before she fell asleep so Oikawa sang for her. She complained because it wasn't the same as her mom but she fell asleep anyways so Oikawa considered it a victory. 

Her mother visited them sometimes, looking worse and worse each time. But she brightened up when she saw her daughter and smothers Iwa-chan with her love.

“Hajime, Hajime, Hajime,” she cooed as Iwa-chan struggled against her ferocious hug. “I missed you so much, my dear!”

“Yeah, yeah, I missed you too,” she conceded, sighing. “Now come on! I want to show you the spaceship me and Oikawa built!”

Iwaizumi-san always happy around them but when she thought that they weren't looking she looked tired and upset. She whispered to Oikawa’s parents about her woes. Iwaizumi-san told them that her husband hadn't been going to work and that he went out drinking often. She told them about how it had started in the city and how she had hoped that moving to the suburbs would help them. She cried on Oikawa's mother’s shoulder when she told them how it had failed and that the one that was really suffering now was Iwa-chan.

“It was all for Hajime,” she sobbed quietly. “All for my little girl. But I can’t do this anymore and neither can he. He needs to go. He is good for nothing but I still love him. He needs to leave but I want him to stay. I wish that he would go back to the way he was, oh how I wish Hajime could have met him when he was kind, sweet, and pure.”

Oikawa and Iwa-chan hear all of this, hidden in the shadows. The light of the kitchen poured into the next room and Oikawa and Iwa-chan watched the shadows of their parents. Oikawa looked over at Iwa-chan who stared listlessly ahead of her.

“I hate him,” she mumbled. “I hate him with a burning passion. Look at what he did to mommy! Look, Oikawa, look!” And Oikawa’s looking and he feels as though he were about to cry too. Iwa-chan’s eyes water but the tears don’t come out. They don’t come out because she is strong and angry. “I hate him so much.”

“I’ll give you my dad,” whispered Oikawa in her ear, clutching her hand in his. “We can share him. I’m sure he won’t mind.”

Iwa-chan shook her head. “Thank you, Oikawa, but mommy is enough for me.” She leaned against him and Oikawa wraped his arms around her, protecting her from the darkness of the world, even if it was just for a moment.

 

\---

 

Her father moves out one month later and that was the first time Oikawa saw Iwa-chan cry.

She was standing on the front porch with her mother as their father yelled at them. Iwaizumi-san was stoic, her face impassive. Iwaizumi-san stood tall and proud and Oikawa could see why Iwa-chan said that her mother was the strongest. Iwaizumi-san was a force to contend with.

And so was her father. If her mother was a fortress then her father was a cannonball. He was going nuts, waving his arms around and screaming profanities at his daughter and ex-wife. He had Iwa-chan’s black eyes and chin and his foot slammed the ground just like Iwa-chan’s when she threw a tantrum.

Iwa-chan was trembling under her father’s harsh words. Her mother held herself up but Iwa-chan seemed to be on the verge of collapse.

Oikawa and his parents watched the scene unfold from the safety of their house. Oikawa's father looked ready to run out there and defend mother and daughter if he had too. But he wasn’t the one that ran out the door when the first tear trickled down.

Oikawa saw red as he stormed out the door, ignoring his parent’s protests. He ran to the porch and flung himself at Iwa-chan, much to everyone’s surprise. Iwa-chan clung to him and buried her face in his shoulder, trembling.

“You’re making Iwa-chan cry!” Oikawa screamed, staring down at her father, cheeks puffed in anger.

The older man studied Oikawa, eyes sharp and hungry. “So, you’re the brat she’s been hanging out with. Figures. She’s never been a girl. And if she does become one she’ll be a whore for sure.” Iwa-chan’s mother bristles with rage and Oikawa stared at him dumbly, unsure about what that word meant. “She’ll grow tired of you, I’m sure. She always grows tired of people.” Iwa-chan’s mother was about ready to chop his head off when he spun around and walked away, hands in his pockets and whistling a tune. They watched him go until he was out of sight and relaxed when he is gone

The adrenaline that had brought Oikawa there had disappeared and he found himself scared with a crying Iwa-chan in his embrace.

“I HATE HIM!” she bawled, clutching Oikawa’s shirt and wetting his shoulder with her tears. “I HATE HIM! I HATE HIME! HE’S SO MEAN!” she sniffled and wailed, “I’m so sorry, Oikawa! I’m so sorry for everything he said! I swear none of it is true. He’s a liar, Oikawa. A LIAR!” She broke into another round of sobbing.

Oikawa pressed her closer and lead her down on the steps and sat down. He ran his fingers through her hair and rubbed circles on the small of her back. “I believe you, Iwa-chan,” he whispered softly. “I know that you won’t leave me.”

“I won’t ever leave you, Iwa-chan,” promised Oikawa. “Never, ever.”

And it’s true. Iwa-chan would never leave him. They hadn’t known each other long but Oikawa couldn’t imagine a world without her. What an awful way to live!

She looked up at him with tear-streaked cheeks and quivering lips. “Do you mean it?” she whispered hoarsely.

“I swear on my life,” Oikawa swore solemnly. 

The two children sat there for the rest of the day, Oikawa whispering comforting words to Iwa-chan's ear. They stayed out until the sun was setting and their parents called them inside to eat. At the table a feast was set and for the time being they forgot about their hurting hearts and dug in. There was laughter and jokes and Iwaizumi-san looks brighter than Oikawa had seen her in a while. For the first time in two months Iwa-chan went back home to her bed and slept without worrying about waking up to a civil war inside her house.

 

\---

 

The years passed by quick and soon the two of them were in their sixth year of elementary. Oikawa had grown out of shorts and started to wear pants as well as the sweater vests that were used by the older kids. He had teased Iwa-chan for days when he had first made the switch, mostly because Iwa-chan still had to wear the jumper. However, nowadays…

“That’s dumb,” Oikawa said. “You’re almost in Junior High.”

“I know,” sighed Iwa-chan, swinging her backpack. “It’s a pain in the ass to put this thing on. I can’t wait until next year when I get to wear a skirt.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not that it’s much better but still.”

“I bet that Iwa-chan will look super cute in a skirt,” said Oikawa, slinging an arm over her shoulders. She rolled her eyes but allowed his casual and flirtatious contact. Ever since the beginning of the year Oikawa and grown cuter and cuter and many girls had taken notice of this. There were several days when Oikawa and Iwaizumi would sit underneath Iwa-chan’s tree and Oikawa would tell her about what he had heard girls say about him.

 _Prince Oikawa Tooru_ , they called him.

 _Trashykawa_ , said Iwa-chan.

 _Rude!_ Said Oikawa, but by now the nickname was a sign of Iwa-chan’s endearment to him.

“What makes you say that?” asked Iwa-chan, tilting her head. Oikawa snapped back to the present and grinned at her.

“Because, you’re cute! You just need something that shows off your feminine side more. A skirt is the perfect solution!” he chirped. She socked him as he laughed and opened the door to his house. “I’m hooommee~” he sang as he dumped his backpack at the entrance.

“Tooru!” exclaimed his mother, emerging from the kitchen. “Welcome back! Hello, Hajime-chan.”

“Hello, Aoi-san. How are you?” greeted Iwa-chan, placing her bag next to Tooru’s.

“I’m fine, thank you. Lunch will be ready in about five minutes so you two better change quick.”

“Got it, mom,” said Oikawa. He took Iwa-chan’s hand and the pair flew up the stairs. Oikawa’s mother watched them go lovingly, thankful that Tooru had found such a good friend in Hajime.

The two burst into Oikawa’s room and Iwa-chan made a beeline for the dresser. (She come over so many times that sometimes it felt like she lived in Oikawa’s house. There were pieces of her scattered all over his room.)

She dug around the clothes until she produced a shirt and jeans. “Bathroom!” she hollered as she sped out of the room.

“Okay!” hollered Oikawa back, shutting his bedroom door. He threw on a random shirt and ratty jeans because there is nothing to do that day and all he wanted to do is laze around. Iwa-chan bursted in a few seconds after he’s done changing. Oikawa blinked at her.

“Fast,” he observed.

“I always am,” she snorted. She bumped shoulders with Oikawa and he felt a surge of irritation by the casual reminder that she was taller than him. Not by much, but just enough that she rubbed it in his face every chance she got.

“I’m going to be taller than you one day,” he growled as Iwa-chan flopped down on his bed.

She laughed and raised her hands over her head. She grinned at him, looking smug. “Gotta rub it while I still I have the chance then.” She tucked her hands under her head.

“You’re awful,” Oikawa groaned as he sat down next to her. He began to trace the pattern of the bedspread, aliens that were now a pale green due to many years of use.

“Maybe. I’m not as bad as you,” she retorted, looking up at him.

Oikawa frowned and tried to look offended. “What are you talking about, Iwa-chan? I’m so pure and wonderful it’s a miracle that we have stayed friends for as long as we have.”

She snickered. “Yeah, it’s a real mystery. Someday we’ll figure it out.”

They sit there in silence, enjoying each other’s company. Iwa-chan watched as Oikawa traced the aliens, lips slightly parted. Oikawa felt his fingers tingle under her gentle gaze and tried not to fidget too much. Quiet moments like this always got him thinking strange things. It was in moments like these that Oikawa realized that she was a girl.

Well, he was always aware of that but she looked more like the girls in school versus how Oikawa usually saw her. Suddenly Iwa-chan wasn't just his next-door neighbor and friend. For a split second she becomes something more. Something more precious. Something more romantic. 

For some odd reason his felt his chest grow tight and his heart pound violently. He stopped tracing, his fingers starting to shake.

Iwa-chan frowned and looked up at him. “Oikawa?” she asked softly

“Am I your best friend?” Oikawa blurted, blushing like a mad man.

Iwa-chan seemed taken aback by the question but answered honestly, “Yeah. Why wouldn’t you be?”

Oikawa licked his lips nervously. “We-we’ve never really established what we were-“

“Dumbass,” she hissed. “What else would we be?”

“I-I don’t know. I’ve never really had a best friend before. I mean, I’ve had close friends but… it’s not the same as it is with you and I didn’t know if you felt the same way-“

“Shittykawa, I literally only hang out with you.”

Oikawa blinked. “I-I-I“

But she’s right. Oikawa didn’t really bring anyone else home. Why would he when he had Iwa-chan? He was always with her, which meant that she was always with him. It hadn’t been something he had really thought about until now but…

She smiled at him. “Whatever made you think that we were anything but best friends?”

“My secret insecurity that only you know about?” he replied.

“I can’t believe that you admitted,” she mussed. “But anyways, yeah we’re best friends you big loser.”

Oikawa finds himself smiling shyly at her. He curled his legs up into his body and laid his head on his knees. “That makes me really happy. I’m glad that we’re going to the same school next year.”

Iwa-chan smiled back. “Me too.”

“Tooru, Hajime-chan!” called Oikawa’s mother. “Lunch is ready!”

“Coming!” they yelled in unison, stumbling over their feet in their to get downstairs. They seat themselves at the table and find Iwaizumi-san there as well. The four ate and chattered with each other. It’s a pointless conversation, small talk if you will. It’s made even more pointless because Iwa-chan had told Oikawa that they were best friends. Everything else seemed kind of pointless after such a discovery.

He snaked his hand under the table and found her hand. He fit them hands together, relishing in her warmth. Iwa-chan gave no outer indications towards what Oikawa was doing, but she squeezed his hand back. Oikawa had to cover his smile with his other hand.

He's not sure if he would ever feel as happy as he did in that moment.

 

\---

 

 

The first day Oikawa sees Iwa-chan in her uniform he was highly reminded that he was a growing boy and that she was a growing girl.

She had left to go visit her grandparents between the end of elementary and the start of Junior High. Oikawa had pouted for weeks when she told him and had pouted some more after she had left. His mother finally kicked him out of the house and told him to stop mopping around.

 

_Go hang out with some of your friends, Tooru._

_But I only wanna hang out with Iwa-chan!_

His mother had glared him down until he picked up the phone and arranged to go and meet up with some friends at the park.

 

 _Was that so hard?_   his mother asked.

 _They aren’t Iwa-chan,_  was all he said.

 

And he was right. He had loads of fun with his other friends but he still missed Iwa-chan. Nothing could beat laying around in her room and talking about nothing. Nothing beat curling up with her to watch an alien movie that he had goaded her into watch with him. And there was absolutely nothing that could top playing volleyball with her.

Yes, he missed her dearly and he counted down the days until he could see her again. They were supposed to see each other the day before school started but she had to go buy her uniform and finish up buying school supplies so Oikawa was left sulking in his room for the rest of the day.

He woke up the morning of his first year of Junior High ecstatic.

_School! Iwa-chan! New friends! Iwa-chan! Volleyball team! IWA-CHAN!_

He basically flew down the stairs and shoved his breakfast in his mouth.

“I never thought that I would ever see you this excited for school,” said his mother, pretending to wipe away a tear from her eye.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Mom, please don’t ruin this for me. Let me be happy.”

His mother laughed good-naturedly and his father looked at him with a twinkle in his eye. “This is going to be the first time you see Hajime-chan since school ended, right?”

Oikawa nodded enthusiastically. “I can’t to tell her about everything that I’ve done!”

“I’m sure you can’t,” replied his mother, sharing a conspiratory look with her husband. Oikawa stared at them blankly and shoveled in the rest of the food in his mouth. “Thank you!” he called as he raced out the door.

“Have a good day at school!” called his mother.

“Tell Hajime-chan that we say hi!” said his father.

Oikawa sprinted to the bus stop, veins thrumming with nervous energy. He finally got to the bus stop and there she was. Oikawa sucked in a breath and nearly choked on his exhale.

The first thing that he noticed were her legs. Sure, he’d seen them hundreds of times before, but never like this. Never in Kitagawa Daiichi’s blue and grey plaid skirt that flirted with her thighs. Her tanned and sport-toned thighs. That are attached to her legs, which are attached to her, _and holy shit she caught him looking, fuck, fuck, fuck-_

“Something wrong?” she asked, crossing her arms. “I know that you haven’t seen me in three months but…”

“I was right!” he exclaimed triumphantly, marching up to her. He hopeed that his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Iwa-chan looks really cute in a skirt.”

“Shut up,” she sighed, weakly punching his shoulder.

He laughed before frowning again. “You’re still taller than me?”

“Gee, sucks to suck, doesn’t?” she replied, her lips curling into a smirk.

“As rude as ever, I see,” snorted Oikawa. "But it's nice to see you again." He glanced down at her legs.

Very nice.

 

"My face is up here, asshole. Don't make a show of this just because it's the first time you've seen me in a skirt."

He looked back up at her. “Didn’t the time with your grandparents teach you that you have to treat everyone with love and care?”

She threw her head back and laughed and Oikawa couldn’t help but notice that her body was changing in other ways as well. Was he becoming a pervert? Please no. “Oikawa, my grandparents are as irritable as I am! They’re the kind to kick teenagers off their lawn and shake their canes at them!”

“Such a shame. I thought that they would have been able to mellow you out.”

She cuffed him. He laughed. The bus arrived. They piled in and seated themselves as quickly as possible.

Iwa-chan leaned against him and Oikawa was acutely aware that their legs were brushing each other. “I’m scared,” she admitted softly. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to make other friends.”

“You’re dumb,” he said. “Of course you’ll make other friends.”

“Hm, well, you have yet to be proven wrong…”

“Such is the life of a person who is always right.” He grinned when she pinched his cheek.

“You’re annoying,” she huffed, her smile betraying her amusement.

They sat in silence for the rest of the ride. Iwa-chan laid her head on Oikawa's shoulder and dozed off, totally at peace with the world. Oikawa, on the other hand, was wide awake and _suffering._ He could feel every point that their legs touched and it sent sparks of electricity through him.  There was this feeling bubbling up inside him and he couldn’t, for the life him, understand what it was and how to deal with it. All he knew was that he would absolutely love to place his hand on Iwa-chan’s leg.

This is a totally foreign feeling to him. All his life she had just been Iwa-chan, his aggressive yet very sweet neighbor. Now, though, she was becoming something else. He had felt before in passing but now the feeling was very much _there_ and very much _demanding_ all his attention.

Oikawa didn’t want to deal with it.

He was relieved when he saw the school and was able to shake Iwa-chan awake.

“Mh?” she said sleepily, burying her nose into his neck. He hoped that it wasn’t as sweaty as his palms were. “Five more minutes, mom.”

“Mom?” teased Oikawa. Iwa-chan snapped awake and banged her head against Oikawa’s chin. The two groaned in pain.

“Your fault,” she mumbled, clutching her head. Oikawa is too disoriented to argue.

They pile out of the bus and get lost in the flood of students coming into the school. Iwa-chan stayed close to him. So close that their hands constantly bumped into each other. Oikawa tried to not think about it too much.

The opening ceremony was boring as hell and Oikawa found the stray threads of his uniform more interesting. It didn’t help that they had put the boys and girls on opposite sides of the gym. It was awful not to have Iwa-chan beside him so that he could complain to her.

“This is dumb,” muttered the kid beside him. Oikawa snorted in agreement. The kids smiled at him wryly. “Name’s Yoshida Akhito.”

“Oikawa Tooru,” replied Oikawa. They nodded at each other and Oikawa felt more at ease knowing that now he had least had someone to talk to while the principal droned on and on. “Do you know anyone else here?”

Yoshida grinned. “A few. We’re not close friends but we’re pretty friendly with each other. You?”

“Same, but there is one that I’m close with. She’s my next-door neighbor.”

"Cool. What's here name."

Yoshida whistled quietly. "Oh, I've heard of her. Some kid in my neighborhood went to school with her." A teacher glared in Yoshida's direction. Oikawa stifled a laugh as Yoshida hung his head in shame. “I can’t believe it. They have the ears of hawks, I swear.”

They spent the rest of the ceremony whispering to each other and even involving two other boys in the conversation. After two hours of pure agony they were dismissed and sent to their homerooms. Oikawa ground his teeth in frustration because the homerooms were put together by last names and Oikawa and Iwaizumi are nowhere near each other in the alphabet. Neither were Yoshida and Oikawa.

He tried his best not to let his irritation show, though. He smiled politely at everyone and even winked at a few of the girls. They giggled behind their hands and whispered to each other, probably something about how cute he was.

Tooru was completely in control of the situation. Just the way he liked it.

Except that all of that control slipped out of his hands when he saw Iwa-chan again. The students had been dismissed for lunch and Tooru hurriedly ran to what he hoped was Iwa-chan’s homeroom. He was not wrong, thank goodness, but his blood ran cold when he saw her.

 _She’s not alone,_ is his first thought. 

It’s irrational, he knows, but he can’t help but hate the boys surrounding her, hanging on to her. They stood around in a loose circle around her so that she was the center of their attention. One of them is telling her some sort of crazy story, gesticulating wildly and making faces. She was smiling and laughing at him and the other boys look at her eagerly. In his mind’s eye Oikawa saw her like a little fish surrounded by hungry sharks.

(The reality of the situation was that the boy had been telling his friends the story and Hajime had found it interesting enough to squeeze into the group and listen. They had accepted her as one of their own but found it a bit odd. After all, weren’t girls supposed to be passive?)

“Iwa-chan!” called Oikawa, waving his hand. Iwa-chan scowled at him and the boys snickered.

“That your boyfriend?” one of them teased.

She snorted. “As if. He’s my annoying neighbor.”

Oikawa feigned injury and pouted. “Is that all I am to you? How mean!”

A small smirk played on her lips but she waved goodbye to her classmates and went over to Oikawa. He smiled brightly at her and slung an arm across her shoulders. As they were walking out Oikawa glanced back at the boys, who blinked dumbly at his sign of possession over her.

He shouldn’t be feeling so smug.

Oikawa led her to a secluded area near the back of the school and the two eat their bento boxes in relative peace. Oikawa has trouble concentrating on his food, though, because Iwa-chan’s legs were right there in front of him. Was it normal for him to want to touch them so bad?

“I’m nervous about tryouts today,” she confessed to him, stuffing rice into her mouth. “I’m not sure if I can make the team.”

“That’s dumb,” replied Oikawa, wiping away a piece of rice off her face with his thumb. Was the skin of her legs as smooth as the skin of her face? “You’re a good player and a natural athlete. I doubt that you won’t make it.”

She frowned at him. “Aren’t you nervous?”

“Not really. I know I’m a good player and a good athlete. And if neither of those two work I can always seduce the coach with my good looks.” He winked at her.

“You’re going to seduce your older male coach,” she deadpanned.

He shrugged. “Hey, a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.”

“You are full of shit,” she grumbled and returns to shoveling her food.

The bell rings soon after and they hurry back inside. For the rest of the day all Oikawa can think about is that Iwa-chan’s skirt is a little shorter in the back that it is in the front.

He was hoping that volleyball would help him take his mind off of Iwa-chan and her glorious legs. Volleyball should have been able to distract him. However, he forgot that the girls have tryouts at the same time. And that they wear spandex. That the spandex is shorter than the skirt. That Iwa-chan is wearing the spandex which is shorter than the skirt. If it weren’t for the fact that there was a barrier between the two groups Oikawa wondered how many balls would have hit him in the face because he had been ogling at Iwa-chan.

 _I have to do something_ , he thinks on the bus. _Something that will stop this obsession._

“Iwa-chan, I’ve noticed that you’ve gotten more muscular,” he blurted out. “Care to share why?”

She looked at him strangely. “I worked out a lot, I guess? I did a lot of swimming too. Plus, my older cousins are awful and I needed a way to protect myself.”

“An eventful summer, I see.”

She rolled her eyes and smiled fondly at him. “You have no idea. See, Sakura-chan thought that climbing up the ladder to that small loft in the farm was a good idea…” Oikawa watched in amusement as she launched into the story, hands flying and words rough. Oikawa leaned back against the seat and contented himself with counting how many times she cursed.

He loved Iwa-chan’s stories because they were often wild and whenever she told them she would get this sparkle in her eye that only showed up again when she was playing volleyball.

Oikawa started a silent mantra, telling himself that this was Iwa-chan, the girl in front of him. She was nothing special. Just his next door neighbor. Only a friend and nothing more.

This continued until the bus stopped and they both sped off to Iwa-chan’s house. They opened the door and said “I’m home!” and raced up the stairs before Iwaizumi-san can reply. They locked themselves in Iwa-chan’s room and chattered endlessly about their day at school.

“You know,” said Oikawa casually, leaning against the back of Iwa-chan’s spinning chair. “I could probably get a girlfriend this year.”

“That’s wonderful,” replied Iwa-chan, picking her fingernails. “Have fun with that.”

For some odd reason her dismissal did not sit well with Oikawa. However, he ignored the feeling and pressed on. “She’s going to be so pretty. You’re gonna be jealous.”

She frowned and looked up. “Why would I be jealous about her dating you? Who on earth would want to go out with a jerk like you?”

Oikawa started to protest but he couldn’t be heard over Iwa-chan’s obnoxious laughter. He fumed in silence and told himself, _see, this why you can’t like her._

The next day he sees her he almost believes it.

 

\---

 

Oikawa got his first girlfriend in his second year of Junior High. He also saw Iwa-chan cry for the second time.

His first girlfriend was a petite girl with a round face, full lips, and twinkling eyes. She had a beautiful smile and spoke softly and her laugh sounded like tinkling bells.

She had asked him out with a cliché letter and blushed when he opened it. Oikawa read it carefully, once, twice, three times, before grinning. He really didn’t have any feelings towards her but she seemed nice enough. She was cute to boot too. He accepted.

Man, was Iwa-chan going to be jealous.

And she might have been if she weren’t so preoccupied with her slowly crumbling self-esteem. Oikawa knew nothing of this, though, only that she was spending more and more time looking at the mirror, frowning. He had other important matters to attend to, like if his girlfriend would like to go to that new café down the street as a first date. He found himself very involved in his girlfriend and dotted on her a lot, just like a good boyfriend should. However, he had started to neglect Iwa-chan and if it weren’t for Yoshida prompting him to hang out with her he wouldn’t have even thought of it.

Oikawa decided that it would be a good idea to go downtown with her so that they could shop for things. He had heard from Iwa-chan’s mother that she needed new clothes. He needed to buy a gift for his one month anniversary with his girlfriend. Two birds, one stone!

Iwa-chan had reluctantly agreed, never being one to like shopping unless it was for sports. She only went because Oikawa had promised her that they would check out the new sports shop that had opened up there recently.

Oikawa had thought that the hang out would be comfortable and nice but…

“Iwa-chan,” he sighed when he caught her looking at her reflection on a shop window for the fifth time in a row. He waved his hand in front of her face. “You’ll never be as pretty as me,” he said, unnerved by her new behavior. Where was the Iwa-chan he knew?

Iwa-chan blinked up at him and said quietly, “I know.” Oikawa stared at her in shock as she walked away, head down and shoulders slumped.

He chased after her. “Iwa-chan! Wait up!” She glanced back at him and Oikawa noticed for the first time the dark bags underneath her eyes. “Iwa-chan, are you okay?” he asked once he caught up to her.

“I’m fine,” she snapped. “Just great.”

Oikawa shook his head. “No, you aren’t. What’s wrong?”

She glared at him. “Fuck off.” She pointedly spun around and marched off.

Oikawa took a step back before chasing her down again. “This… this isn’t about Haruka-chan, is it? I know that I don’t spend that much time with you anymore but you know that you’re one of the most important people in my life, right? You can tell me anything!”

She slowed down and turned to him. Her eyes were soft when she said, “This isn’t… I don’t have anything against Haruka-san. You guys seem happy. I don’t mind you spending time with her. That’s what you have to do as a boyfriend. I would be more worried if you didn’t do that.”

But there was a dangerous edge to her voice, as though if Oikawa pushed her she would topple over and break. She spun around and kept walking. Oikawa trailed behind her, wondering what could have happened to her.

He brought this up to Haruka-chan during their date. She only shrugged. “You can’t help everyone out. Maybe she’s just in a funk.”

Oikawa bit his lip. “It’s just… weird seeing her like this. She’s always been so confident…”

Haruka-chan sighed. “You know, I’m going to be honest with you. I don’t like Iwaziumi-chan a lot. She’s too boyish, you know? She doesn’t act like a girl.”

“But she’s always been like that,” Oikawa said, confused as to why her acting as a boy was a bad thing. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“She needs to become more feminine,” was all Haruka-chan said. She tapped the menu in front of him. “Now, are you going to order something?”

Her words stuck with Oikawa though. He started to pay closer attention to Iwa-chan in hopes of being able to crack what was going on with her. She seemed fine, much to his dismay. She constantly scowled but that was just her face. Maybe Haruka-chan was right. Maybe she had just hadn’t been feeling well for a while but she was okay now.

He would have continued thinking that if he hadn’t been for Yoshida.

It was their last day of school before summer break and Yoshida had invited Oikawa over to his house to play volleyball. Oikawa had agreed because, why not? Yoshida was cool and he needed to hang out with a guy friend anyways. He said his goodbyes to Iwa-chan, who frowned, _(“Why are you saying that,_ _dumbass? You sound as though you’re going to die.”_ ) and happily walked to Yoshida’s. The two chattered on about school and volleyball.

“I think that you’re going to be captain next year,” said Yoshida, tossing the ball up in the air.

Oikawa watched as it fell back into Yoshida’s hands. “I would like that. I hope that we get some good first years. We’re going to need it because a lot of third years are leaving.”

“The first years right now are in pretty good shape. I’m not too worried.”

“Of course you wouldn’t be, I’m just saying.” Yoshida laughed as they climbed up the steps to Yoshida’s house. Yoshida fished his key out of his bag and unlocked the door. He swung it open and dramatically gestured for Oikawa to come in. Oikawa snickered and mockingly bowed at him. They kicked off their shoes, said hello to Yoshida’s parents, and raced outside.

The weather was warm and the sun was out. The perfect summer day. It doesn’t take long before the boys were soaked in sweat, but neither of them cared. They were too focused on peppering with each other.

“By the way,” Yoshida asked as he spiked the ball down to Oikawa. “How is Iwaizumi-chan fairing?”

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa received the ball flawlessly. “She’s doing fine. Why?”

Yoshida hummed as he set the ball. “She seemed out of it today. Can’t blame her though.”

Oikawa hit the ball half-heartedly. “What are you talking about?”

“You don’t know? She’s being bullied.” Yoshida passed it up.

Oikawa’s fingertips brushed the ball and it falls behind him. “Bullied?”

Yoshida looked at him, puzzled. “Yeah? You didn’t-you didn’t know?”

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck._ People were bullying her? But she had seemed fine! Oikawa felt queasy. Surely she would have told him if she were getting bullied, right? They had always told each other these sort of things.  “I don’t believe you. Why would they do such a thing to here? Sure, she can be… you know… but she’s a really sweet person!”

Yoshida shrugged. “Because they’re sexist as shit. Keep telling her that she’s not a real girl because she doesn’t act like one. Or at least she doesn’t act like they think a girl should. Dumb, right?”

Oikawa started to shake. “N-no one’s- no one has commented on that before to her.”

“Wait, really? I thought that-“

“I’ve always- she never said- fuck- did Haruka-chan know about this?”

Yoshida knitted his eyebrows. “She might have. Why?”

“She told me a little while back that she didn’t like Iwa-chan,” Oikawa explained. “Same thing-same thing that these bullies are telling her.”

Yoshida let out a low whistle. “Damn. So there might be girls that are in this too? That fucking sucks. I hope that she’s doing okay. She seems strong, so maybe-“

“It was pretend,” whispered Oikawa to himself. “She was pretending to be okay. I-I-“ He picked up the volleyball and threw it to Yoshida. “I-I gotta go. I need to-I need to- I’m sorry.”

The other boy laughed nervously. “It’s no problem. Go and tell me about how she’s doing when you see her.” Oikawa nodded and apologized profusely again before racing out. He sprinted to the bus stop and waited in agony for the bus to arrive. The ride there was even more tortuous. It was all Oikawa could do to not tap his foot impatiently and _lady don’t glare at me like that you literally have no idea about-_

The doors opened and Oikawa flew off the busy and hurried to Iwa-chan’s. He passed white houses with pretty white fences and small green yards with baby trees who were just starting to stretch their limbs. He passes blue house with brown fences and large yards with old trees who wilt under the sun. Finally he gets to his house, the white kind, and rushes right to Iwa-chan’s, the blue kind. He stood on the porch for a moment, heaving and puffing, before knocking on the door. It opened almost immediately.

“Tooru-kun!” said Iwaizumi-san, startled. “Hajime told me that-“

“Where is she?” he breathed, his voice raspy. “Where’s Iwa-chan?”

Her mother gave him a confused look and pointed upstairs. Oikawa thanked her, slipping off his shoes and running up the stairs. He doesn’t know how he knew she would be in the bathroom, but something told him she would be. He burst through the door and found her sitting on the floor, beauty items strewn around her. She looked up at him with wide eyes and Oikawa immediately noticed the tear streaks on her cheek.

“Tooru,” she said softly, her voice shaking. Oikawa gets a lump in his throat that he can’t seem to dislodge. Iwa-chan never called him by his first name and hearing her say it made something his in stomach flutter and his heart pound. “Tooru, what are you doing here?”

Oikawa swallowed. She looked so small and defeated among the piles of make-up. “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice breaking at the end. “Why are you-“

“Because I’m not pretty,” she whispered and Oikawa’s heart broke. He crouched down and reached for her, wanting to comfort her, but she jerked away.

“That’s not true,” Oikawa said, inching closer. “Who told you that?”

“It is true,” she cried softly, eyes tearing up. “It’s always been true, but you never told me. You never-you never-“ Tears started slipping out. “I’ve noticed it before, long ago. I knew, I knew, but I never thought anything of it because _who cares_ , Tooru, _who cares_ if I’m not pretty?” She sniffed and wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. She stared at her now-wet hand. “I care. They care.”

“What are you talking about, Iwa-chan?” asked Oikawa, still moving towards her. She bared her teeth at him and shuffled away, scattering lipsticks, mascaras, and foundations in her wake.

“You don’t understand!” she cried. “You’ll _never_ understand! You’ve always been good-looking! You’ve always had a stupidly attractive face that everyone loves and everyone will always love!” Oikawa flinched. “But me? I’ve never been that lucky. NEVER! No matter what I do people always tell me, _‘oh, you’re Oikawa-san’s friend?_ ’ and then just stare me down like-like I’m not worth it or something. And yet-and yet-“

“Iwa-chan, I don’t-“

“I lied, Oikawa. I am jealous of Haruka-san. I’m jealous because she’s so pretty so effortlessly. Why can’t I be like?! WHY CAN’T I BE MORE LIKE HARUKA-SAN, MORE LIKE A GIRL SHOULD BE?!” She’s hysterical now, the tears flowing freely from her eyes. She tucked her knees in and wrapped her arms around them, a wretched sob escaping her throat . “I’m not graceful, I don’t have a nice face, I’m too buff, my hair is too spiky, I’m too loud, I-I can’t cook, I don’t know how to use make-up…”

"None that means-"

Iwa-chan picked up a lipstick and uncapped it. She brandished it front of Oikawa. “Did you know,” said quietly, “that my mom owns ten of these? Different colors, all of them. But she never uses them. Never taught me to use them either. She said I didn’t need it. She lied to me, Tooru. SHE LIED!” She threw the lipstick at Oikawa before burying her face in her arms.

Oikawa barely dodged the flying projectile and it grazed his cheek before hitting the wall and clattering down. He touched his cheek and smeared the lipstick with his fingers.

_Red…_

This time he crawled to her, silently so as to not alert her. It didn’t matter, though, because she was crying too loudly to notice anything. He sat down next to her and pulled her into a hug. He expected her to struggle against his embrace but she doesn’t. Instead she melted into his touch, her whole body relaxing against his. He lazily stroked her hair and whispered sweet nothings to her ear, lips brushing her forehead. Every part of him that touched her tingled with nervous energy. Oikawa blamed it on the fact that Iwa-chan seemed so fragile.

Oikawa hated whoever did this to her. Whoever put those tears in her eyes and made her believe that she was ugly, not a girl. He already knew how bad the gender roles were and he had always liked that Iwa-chan never really followed them. It wasn’t that he would be against her becoming more girly. He’d be lying if he hadn’t looked at Haruka-chan and wondered what Iwa-chan would look like with soft make-up like his girlfriend’s.

But that wasn’t her. If it was she wouldn’t be here right now, curled up in his arms.

He had to do something to stop the flow of these tears. He had to something to ease her aching heart.

“My sister is coming back,” Oikawa whispered. “I’m sure that she could teach you something.”

Iwa-chan blinked at him with blood-shot eyes and he felt a surge of protectiveness towards her. “Do you think so?” she asked quietly. “Would she do that?”

He swallowed uncomfortably. “Of course she would. You’re the little sister she never had.”

She started to cry again, this time in gratitude. But the pit in Oikawa’s stomach doesn’t lessen. He awkwardly patted her back and carded his fingers through her hair, breathing in her familiar scent. It occured to him, for a moment, that he never got these kinds of butterflies whenever he held Haruka-chan.

The next day Oikawa Mako came home, baby and husband in tow. It’s a messy reunion, Oikawa thinks, but it’s a happy one nonetheless. Oikawa liked Mako’s husband. He reminded Oikawa of an actor, always prim and proper. He smiled like one too. Maybe that’s why Mako married him. Oikawa too would marry someone for their heart-stealing smile.

Mako was overjoyed when Iwa-chan came up to her and asked her if she can teach her how to use make-up. The older Oikawa wrapped her in a tight embrace, babbling on and on about how happy she was that Iwa-chan wanted to learn.

“You’ll be the prettiest girl in school!” she declared, squishing Iwa-chan even more into her bosom. Oikawa snickered as Iwa-chan flailed around and tried to pry herself from Mako’s steel-like grip. “Tooru-kun,” his sister called, still clutching Iwa-chan. “Don’t you think that Iwa-chan will become the prettiest girl once I’m done with her?”

 _She’s already the prettiest,_ Oikawa wanted to say, but instead smiled and flashed them a peace sign. “I’m sure she will!”

Oikawa doesn’t see much of Iwa-chan and his sister after that. _It’s a girl thing_ , Mako would say, winking and waggling her finger at him.

 _But I want to play volleyball with her!_ he whined, stamping his feet.

Mako would laugh _. You sound like an estranged boyfriend! Go hang out with Haruka-chan._

And he did hang out with her, but it just wasn’t the same. Haruka-chan didn’t like volleyball like he did. She didn’t even like sports at all. She rather go out shopping and lay around at her house. But it was okay! Oikawa didn’t mind.

(What a total lie. He really minded.)

Sure, shopping was fun, but Haruka-chan only bought for herself and Oikawa felt more like a prisoner rather than a companion on their trips. She had a nice house and a cool bedroom with a comfy bed, but Oikawa longed to be outside, playing volleyball.

“Are you sure that we can’t play volleyball today?” asked Oikawa on the last day of summer vacation. They had been lazing around in her house for the last three days and Oikawa was going crazy. It didn’t help that he rarely saw Iwa-chan and his hands itched to toss the ball around with someone.

Haruka-chan sniffed. “If you really want to play you can just go ask Iwa-chan,” she sneered.

“But I can’t!” he explained again. “I haven’t seen her all summer!”

“It sounds like as though I’m your second plan,” Haruka-chan said, narrowing her eyes at him.

Oikawa shook his head. “You’re my first plan. But you never play with me and every single time that we go out it’s for shopping.” He sighed loudly. “It’s kind of boring, actually.”

Haruka-chan glared at him. “Are you saying that you’re unhappy with me?”

 _Yes,_ Oikawa wanted to say. _I’d give you up to see Iwa-chan just for one day._ Of course, he doesn’t say that out loud. What kind of boyfriend would do that? Instead, he smiled at her and says, “I’m allowed to complain a little, aren’t I?”

They don’t speak for the rest of the day but Oikawa doesn’t mind. All he can think about is finally being able see Iwa-chan again.

“You’re going to love what I did to her,” his sister said, grinning.

“We’ll see,” he replied.

The next day he finds himself checking himself out in the mirror. The summer uniform looked good on him, he already knew, but he would be seeing Iwa-chan’s transformation and wanted to look as good as possible. He thought back to what she said, about him being pretty, and a smirk crawled unto his lips. He checked himself one more time before heading out the door, a spring in his step.

As he neared the bus stop he saw Iwa-chan, her back to him. Somehow her hair is lying flat, which makes Oikawa uneasy. As he got closer he also noted that her skirt was shorter than usual. (Not that he actually knew that her skirt was usually three inches above her knee most of time, whatever would give you that idea?)

“Iwa-chan?” he asked, tapping her shoulder. She turned around and Oikawa is blown away by how different she looks.

It’s not a _bad_ different, per say. It just doesn’t look anything like her.

Her face looked softer, the skin smoother. Her eyebrows were more defined as well and her eyes have the perfect length of winged eyeliner. With her hair straight she had an uneven bob but it looked cute on her. The only thing that gave away her discomfort was how hard she was biting her lip.

She was biting it so hard that Oikawa was sure it was going to bled. He wouldn’t mind kissing it better.

“Wow. You look-you look… different?”

She snorted before looking at the ground. “My face feels heavy,” she admitted, scuffing the ground. “It took a while to get the eyeliner right.”

“It sure does look like it,” Oikawa replied, tilting his head. “Are you-are you happy like this?”

“I dunno,” she said quietly, still not facing him. “I’ll find out, though. But for now, I’ll be able to blend in as a girl more.”

She didn’t have to do any blending in. All she needed to do was get away from all those that said she didn’t belong.

But Oikawa said nothing because this was what Iwa-chan wanted to do. If she started to doubt herself Oikawa would come in and sweep her off her feet and tell her about all the wonderful things she was.

He was surprised by all of the positive reception she got for her new look. Girls flocked to her, asking her how she had managed such a transformation. Iwa-chan looked extremely confused but talked beauty with the girls in her class. She traded secrets with them and showed them what products she used. A number of guys noticed too and started to hang around her too. They smiled and flirted, extending their arms for her.

 _“So you really are a girl!”_ They would say, laughing. _“We should hang out! What’s your number?”_

She seemed overwhelmed by the amount of attention she got and stuttered and stumbled over her words. The others chalked it up as an endearing trait of her’s but Oikawa knew better. Iwa-chan was at her best when she was strong and confident. When she had her chin up high, shoulders back, and a victorious smile on her face. That was when she was cutest.

“They don’t even know her,” Oikawa mumbled after a week of this happening. He sat slumped on his chair, chin on the desk and glared as yet another guy flirted with Iwa-chan. She looked so uncomfortable, the poor girl, that Oikawa wanted to stomp up to the boy and scare him off.

 _(“Don’t annoy me during school or insert yourself in my conversations,”_ Iwa-chan told him. _“I can’t have you pissing me off when I’m trying to show that I’ve turned a new leaf.”_ )

“That’s how boys are like,” snapped Haruka-chan, standing in front of him and blocking his view of Iwa-chan. Oikawa pouted and looked up at her. “Why do you care so much anyways?”

“Because this isn’t who she is,” said Oikawa desperately. “If it was I wouldn’t care but this isn’t her and she’s obviously uncomfortable and nobody is liking her for who she is. They’re supposed to be this way after she shows what an amazing athlete she is or after she does well in an exam or when she’s being silly or-or-or-“

Haruka-chan narrowed her eyes at him. “You sound jealous.”

“She’s my best friend! I’m just worried!” he defended, but the explanation sounded hallow even to him. “If something happens she’ll either come straight to me or bottle it up and neither situation is good.”

“I bet you’re more worried about her than you are of me,” sniffed Haruka-chan. “Did you know that some boys hit on me yesterday? Bet you don’t even care about that.”

“Of course it bothers me,” replied Oikawa through gritted teeth. “I’m more upset at them and the reason why I don’t care about it that much is because I trust you.”

“Did you know that I kissed one of them?” she spat.

“Not until now,” Oikawa snapped back. He blinked. “Wait. You did what?”

“I kissed one of them,” she said bitterly. “Because you never kiss me and I thought maybe that would get your attention.”

“It sure as hell does,” he growled, standing up. “Shows me that you’re not loyal.”

“From the way you always hang around Iwaizumi-chan you’re the one that looks fucking unloyal!” she shrieked shrilly.

“I don’t fuck around with her though!” cried Oikawa. He rubbed his temples in hopes of stopping the impending migraine.

Haruka-chan stared at him, miffed. “You know what,” she said slowly. “I’ve had it with you. I’m breaking up with you. Good-bye, Oikawa Tooru.” She picked up her bag and marched out, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she left the room.

Oikawa should be feeling pretty bad about this. His first ever girlfriend just broke up with him and it was partially his fault. 

But all he felt was relief. Haruka-chan wasn’t worth it, then, if she couldn’t stand to hear him talk about Iwa-chan. Besides, it’s not like he even talked that much in their relationship. Overall the whole experience was very unsatisfying so it was probably for the best that they broke up. Maybe now they could both find someone who they were more compatible with. Also, now he could worry about Iwa-chan without sounding like he was jealous.

Which he wasn’t, not at all.

“I heard that Haruka-chan broke up with you,” said Iwa-chan on the bus ride home. She frowned at him and Oikawa suddenly had the urge to kiss her, just to taste what kind of lip gloss she was wearing. “I’m sorry.”

Oikawa shrugged. “It’s fine. I didn’t like her that much anyways. Plus, all she talked about was herself.” Oikawa scrunched up his nose. “Who even does that anyways?”

“You haven’t met yourself, have you?”

Oikawa flushed. “That is not true! That is a false accusation, Iwa-chan! You could go to hell in the Christian religion for saying that sort of stuff.”

She grinned. “Good thing I’m not Christian then, right?”

“I hate you,” Oikawa groaned as Iwa-chan cackled. The bus screeched to a stop and the two hopped off, Iwa-chan still laughing. She only stopped her howling when her phone vibrated. She wiped away her tears as she pulled it out of her bag. She unlocked her phone, scanned the message, and scowled.

“Ugh,” she said, stuffing it back in.

“Ugh?” Oikawa repeated, amused.

She waved a hand. “Just some dude trying to ask me out or something like that.”

For some odd reason Oikawa’s stomach twisted and he felt rage at whoever had just asked her out. Which was insane because that’s what jealous people do, and Oikawa was not jealous. “He only started to talk to you after you wore make-up, I’m guessing.”

“Yeah,” she said bitterly and suddenly Oikawa doesn’t feel so bad about hating the guy. Iwa-chan looked so fucking miserable with her head down and face pulled in a pained expression that all Oikawa wanted to do is wrap her up in a fuzzy blanket and give her hot chocolate. “I thought that being pretty would help me but…”

Oikawa abruptly stopped and spun around to face her. “You are pretty.”

Iwa-chan smiled at him nervously. “It’s the make-up, Oikawa, I’m not really-“

“I think that Iwa-chan looks better without it,” he blurted and Iwa-chan stumbled back and blinked. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “I was always against you wearing make-up. If it had been something that had drawn you in slowly or something like that I would have been okay with it but…” he trailed off and gulped before continuing. “I think that Iwa-chan is prettiest when is she confident. And make-up doesn’t give you that. Being yourself gives you that. So-so, don’t change yourself just because others think you should.”

Iwa-chan stared at him long and hard. Oikawa started to fidget when she said, voice welling up with emotion, “I-I-thank you, Oikawa. I really-I never thought-“ She shook her head. “You really are the best friend a person could ever have.” She slung an arm over Oikawa’s shoulder and he bent down to accommodate her. She looked as though the weight of the world have been lifted off her shoulders and was smiling brighter than Oikawa had seen for weeks.

The next day Oikawa sees Iwa-chan she is back to spiky hair and easy grins and his heart stopped beating for a moment as he took her in, glowing and full of spirit.

Yes, Iwa-chan was prettiest like this.

The make-up on her counter went untouched for the rest of the year.

 

\---

 

Oikawa couldn’t think about Iwa-chan in the same way since the day he looked up her skirt.

Now, before you jump on him please keep in mind that Oikawa Tooru is not a pervert, not at all. This whole incident had not been intentional at all. Although, maybe now he would try to make it more intentional…

It really wasn’t his fault that he looked up her skirt. It was all on Iwa-chan. She knew the position they were in and did nothing about it. It was all her fault for setting off this reaction of teenage hormones that Oikawa had no way of controlling.

It was a peaceful spring day, a few weeks before school started up again. They laid in Iwa-chan’s bed, Oikawa’s head cushioned by her thigh. (He still had a thing for those legs and it was consistently getting worse and worse. Oikawa was sure that he would have to see a doctor if this continued.) His legs dangled off the bed and he swung them back forth, humming along to a catchy pop song he had listened to recently. Iwa-chan hated that genre so he knew that she was scowling. However, she said nothing about it because she knew from experience that complaining about it would only make the situation worse.

She had just come back from some family reunion so she was wearing formal clothing and her short hair was tamed. She was on her phone, playing some game that her cousin had shown her and she had quickly become obsessed with. Oikawa was reading a volleyball magazine, trying to pick up some new techniques that he could use. However the words swam off the page and the fact that Iwa-chan’s legs were right there did not help the situation at all.

He sighed and closed the magazine. He turned his face to talk to Iwa-chan, forgetting that he can’t see her face from where he was. Instead, he found himself staring at the small slip of spandex and the beautiful skin leading up to.

His mouth actually watered as his stared at it. He fought the urge to ask her to lift her skirt up a little so that he could see more. He had to physically restrain himself from sitting up and doing it himself. Oh man, he wanted to shove his face in between her legs and-

“Shittykawa, are you even listening to me?”

Oikawa snapped out of his fantasy and blinked wildly before blushing furiously. _The hell was that? The fucking hell was that?_ How could he even think about Iwa-chan that way?

But the feeling didn’t go away. The urge to press his mouth on her legs didn’t leave. Nor did the other thoughts he was having and honestly he was a total train wreck and Oikawa could only pray that she didn’t notice.

“Are you looking up my skirt?” asked Iwa-chan, miffed. Oikawa’s surprised that she isn’t pissed.

“You have such boring spandex, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa drawled, hoping that his voice didn’t shake. “Black, really? And there are so many cute designs out there too."

She snorted and returned to her phone. “Why would I want different colored spandex? Black is just fine.”

Oikawa sat up and positioned himself so that laid beside Iwa-chan. He hooked his chin on her shoulder and threw an arm around her waist. She hummed as he snuggled in closer, breathing in her scent. Oikawa felt dizzy being so close to her, but it’s a good dizzy, one that he had never felt before. He wouldn’t mind feeling that like this constantly, actually.

“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” she asked as she tapped away on her screen.

He yawned. “We broke up. I dumped her over text.”

“How chivalrous,” she muttered.

Oikawa sniffed. “She insulted Space Jam. That was a deal-breaker.”

Iwa-chan laughed, her whole body vibrating against him. He hoped that her movements were enough that they could both ignore how loudly Oikawa’s heart was pounding. It felt as though it were a prisoner, desperate for escape.

She calmed down after a while and moved so that Oikawa could see the game as well. But Oikawa wasn’t interested in that. He was much more interested in the player, who stuck her tongue out while she was concentrating. Her eyebrows were furrowed and she had the same steely gaze she had on the court when she was getting ready to spike. It was cute, really, that she got all worked up over a game.

 _You like her…_ a small voice whispered in his ear. _You like her…_

Oikawa doesn’t want to agree. She was his best friend, he couldn’t like her like that.

Right?

And even if he did he’d probably get over it quickly too.

Right?

 

\---

 

Oikawa believes that if there ever were an award for _The Best Human Being Alive_  Iwa-chan would win it, hands down.

For one day of kindness that Oikawa gives Iwa-chan, she gives him a year.

It’s unfair, really.

Oikawa liked to call his last year of Junior High the “ _How Much Can Iwa-chan Help Me Today_?” year.

It all started when that upstart first-year Kageyama Tobio showed up. He had seemed cute and innocent at first, but Oikawa quickly grew to distrust him for one reason and one reason only.

Kageyama Tobio was a genius.

Oikawa Tooru was not.

Oikawa had always been aware of his disadvantage and he pushed himself above and beyond the average person because of this. But this Kageyama Tobio… he didn’t even have to try. He was just… he was just _good_ , and that _infuriated_ Oikawa. What made it worse was that he would come up to Oikawa and ask him for advice.

_Him!_

_The nerve!_

Oikawa came home on most days to complain about the kid. “Tobio-chan” this and “Tobio-chan” that. He would huff and whine and Iwa-chan would roll her eyes and punch him. She began to stop by after her practice to pick Oikawa up and to see if this “Tobio-chan” was the menace Oikawa claimed that he was.

Kageyama wasn’t but didn’t stop the insults spewing from Oikawa’s mouth. It also didn’t stop Oikawa from staying late in the gym, perfecting his serve. He hit the ball until his arms ached and his vision swam. Many nights Iwa-chan would burst in to see Oikawa on the verge of collapse but _just one more, Iwa-chan, I swear this is the last one…_

The younger kids would love it whenever she came by. They said she was hot and intimidating, and Oikawa wanted to agree. But he knew her so well that it was hard so associate those words with her. Even Kageyama liked her, much to Oikawa’s horror. Worst was that she would smile and laugh and indulge in his requests.

“You don’t have to be nice to him,” grumbled Oikawa.

“I do what I want,” she snapped.

The worst of it was the day he almost hit Kageyama. Oikawa didn’t mean it, he swears. He was just so done and fed up the kid that he literally couldn’t take it anymore and exploded.

Good thing that Iwa-chan was there to knock some sense into him.

(She still has the bruise from where her head connected with his nose, he thinks.)

Outside of volleyball she was still his saving grace. School got harder and the impending high school exams made the stress worse. Oikawa would spend nights staring at his paper, afraid and uncertain because he _just doesn’t understand, mom, please help._

Iwa-chan would sneak into his house in the middle of the night and pull him out of his slumps. They’d lay in his bed, just like when they were kids, and she would rock him to sleep. If the time allowed she would help him with his work, help him understand. More than once Oikawa woke up to Iwa-chan slumped next to him, drooling in her sleep. He would smile to himself and gaze at her for a little while, something warm spreading through his body.

It might be love, he’s not sure. He tried not to think about it too much.

Speaking of love, Oikawa went through girlfriends at an alarming speed during this time. Iwa-chan would huff again and again as Oikawa would go off about how wonderful and cute his new girlfriend was. Sometimes her eyes would get dark but Oikawa’s sure that it was just because he was annoying her.

Sometimes he broke up them, sometimes they broke up with him. There was no real pattern. The only constant was that the night of the break-up that Iwa-chan would be there, holding him in her strong arms.

He only cried over a girl once. Her name was Asuka and she never told him her last name. She smelled like cinnamon and hope and her smile could light up any room. She was a year younger than Oikawa, but he didn’t mind the age difference and neither did she. For the time that they were together Oikawa could almost forget whatever he felt towards Iwa-chan, the strange stirring in his heart and the flutter in his stomach.

But then she broke up with him. Told him that she had found someone better.

“I’m sorry, Tooru-kun,” she sobbed. “But I can’t be unfair to you.” And she sprinted away, so far away that Oikawa could not reach her.

Oh man, did Iwa-chan have a blast that night. Oikawa cried so hard that snot came out and Iwa-chan never wore that shirt ever again because she thought that it was infected. She held him tight, no words coming out of her mouth. Oikawa didn’t need them anyways; just having her by his side was enough. She stayed with him until morning and slipped out at dawn to her own house. When Oikawa woke up the bed was cold and on his drawer was a sticky note.

_You’re an ugly crier._

_Love,_

_Iwa-chan_

Next to it was a glass water and some tissues.

Oikawa cried some more because he really did have the best friend in the whole wide world.

Oikawa took two exams for high school. One for Aoba Josai and the other for Shiratorizawa. He already had a volleyball scholarship to Aoba Josai, but the test was necessary to put him in classes. He only tried out for Shiratorizawa for kicks. He did get in though and he did think about going…but then Ushijima Wakatoshi came into the picture and Oikawa decided for Aoba Josai hands down.

Oikawa was sure that the only person that could grate his nerves the way Kageyama did was Ushijima and unlike Kageyama where  Iwa-chan regulated him there was no one on the court that would control him whenever Ushijima popped his ugly face on the other side of the net. Coach threatened to put him on the bench if he made a face one more time.

And He was benched once. Benched and replaced by Kageyama but that was such a horrible memory that Oikawa preferred to not bring it up.

The season ended with a loss to Ushijima and Oikawa cried at the ceremony. It was ugly and he knows it, but he couldn’t help it. In the stands he could see the girl’s volleyball team, with Iwa-chan smack dab in the middle of them, rolling her eyes at him. Kageyama offered him a tissue. Oikawa went nuts and then snatched the tissue out of Kageyama’s hand. He could literally hear Iwa-chan sigh in exasperation.

The walk back home was uneventful except for one thing.

They usually took the bus but decided that they would go and grab something to eat. So Iwa-chan and Oikawa walked to the nearest convenience store and purchased some ice cream. They licked their dessert on the way home, chattering softly about the awards ceremony.

“I wish you were on my team,” sighed Oikawa. “We would have done great if we had.”

“Are you saying that you would rather I be a boy?” Iwa-chan quipped, licking some of the melting ice cream that was running through her fingers. Oikawa felt something in his stomach stir and found himself staring at her tongue a little too intensely.

“No, I’d just wish you were on my team. Doesn’t matter if you’re a boy or girl.”

And Oikawa finds himself totally agreeing with himself. It didn’t really matter her gender or sex. So long as she was there, next to him, somehow, he would be fine.

And that’s when he realized how deeply in love he was with his best friend.

He choked on his ice cream when the realization hit him. Iwa-chan glanced over at him, concerned, and Oikawa waved her off.

Of course he loved her. What a goddamn idiot he was. All these thoughts, these feelings bubbling up inside of him. This longing for her and only her. No wonder no other girl could compare to her! She had already stolen his heart years ago.

The rest of the way home is a blur to him but he remembered dropping her off at her house and leaning in, close enough to kiss. But he didn’t do it and found himself alone on her porch, questioning his life choices.

When Oikawa went to bed that night and he hugged his pillow, wishing that it was her, there was only on thought running through his mind.

 _I’m so fucked_ ,.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally only going to be two chapters but \\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> And to think this was supposed to be a oneshot I write too much ;-;
> 
> Enjoy!

How does one describe love? Oikawa has made it his mission to figure it out. 

But every time he sat down and tried to pin down the feelings that swirled inside him his head hurt, his heart pounded, and his eyes went blurry.

According to the dictionary love was too many things for Oikawa to care. However it mostly centered around caring and wanting to be with a person, place, or thing.

Oikawa could see where it was coming from, but didn’t quite explain what he felt or what others felt.

Ask Kaito from class 3-D, who was popular with the ladies, and he’ll tell you that love is dating and relationships. Ask Kimi from class 3-A and she’ll tell you that it’s pain and loss because everyone she lets in abandons her. Ask Hana from down the street and she'll tell you that love doesn't exist while staring at the picture of her ex-boyfriend.

The dictionary also doesn’t explain the way Oikawa watched Iwa-chan so intently. He’d already memorized all of her little quirks. The way she bit the tip of her pencil whenever she’s stressed out during a test. The way that she she played with her fringe when she was bored. The way that her eyes lit up like the sun whenever she made the perfect spike. Did you know that she bites her lip in her sleep and scrunches up her nose? Did you know that her voice was lower around him and she tended to lean in closer whenever she’s speaking to him? She always looked at him straight in the eyes, giving him her full attention.

The dictionary also didn’t explain the feelings he got whenever he was with her. The way his heart pounded against his chest whenever their skin brushed. The way his hands got sweaty and itched to intertwine with hers. The way that he stared at her lips, daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss them.

It didn't explain this consuming need to be with her at all times, to support her. It didn't help understand the need to wrap his arms around her and hear her talking to him, saying whatever came to her mind because she was comfortable with him. It didn't give the reason as to why the butterflies in his stomach that only rested whenever she looked away. And it most certainly didn't help explain the pang in his heart every time she called him a friend.

 

How to describe love? Oikawa's running out of time. High school is coming up and soon he wouldn't have time to ponder this mystery of life.

He decided that it was more of actions than words. Love was something that had a personality of its own that changed depending on who it was with.

It would explain why love was something so fragile to Iwa-chan’s mom and meant screaming, crying, and late nights full of stress. It explained why love to Oikawa’s parents meant quick morning kisses and snuggling up on the couch with hot chocolate, watching the slowly dying fire. It explained Satorou's, Mako ex-boyfriend, love; taking a new girl to bed every night and feeling hollow the next day until someone came along and the cycle continued.

So what was Oikawa’s definition of love?

Was it watching her jump in the air and trusting him to get the ball to her? Was it watching shitty alien movies late at night, full of soft bickering and warm bodies? Was it doing homework with her and finding himself staring at her fingers, wanting to touch them? Or was it darker like wanting to punch Junko-chan’s face when she insulted Iwa-chan? Or was it wanting to leave a mark on her neck, claiming her as his and only his?

They were all good, but they left him even more confused because none of them came close to what he felt. 

What to do? What to do?

He found his answer the week before high school started when Iwa-chan slept over his house.

Love to Oikawa was sleeping in the same bed, wanting to kiss her senseless and hear her say that she loved him too but instead staring at her sleeping figure, her eyes closed and her breathing shallow and almost cupping her cheek, almost touching her skin, but afraid to connect and disturb the peace and ruin the best thing that he ever had.

So close, yet so far away. Like a star that he could jump for but never reach.

That was Oikawa’s love for Iwa-chan.

 

\---

 

He wanted to forget.

He wanted to forget his feelings for Iwa-chan.

It wasn't her fault, not really. She was just too cute and too confident and Oikawa had given his heart to her before he even knew what a heart was.

But he can’t love her, he just can’t.

Sure, it wouldn't be to hard to transition from their platonic relationship to a romantic one. She was his best friend, the person that had been with him since the beginning. She's the only person who really knows him. And he's the only person who only really knows her. It wouldn't be hard.

But Iwa-chan was all about being solid and consistent. How would she feel about Oikawa, who had a dating streak a mile long, wanting to be her boyfriend? How would she feel about Oikawa, her best friend, asking her to change their relationship?

It was too risky. She would never accept.

(Besides, Iwa-chan deserved someone better.)

So he became a player, someone with a smile as sweet as candy and voice as smooth as honey who said words sprinkled with sugar. Someone who toyed with others feelings, lead them on without them ever knowing. So many girls fell under the spell he cast, so many fell in love.

And he tried to fall in love with them too, he really did, but every time he opened his mouth to say those three words, he couldn’t say it. It got stuck in his throat, unable to move.

He couldn’t say those words because the only girl he loved was Iwa-chan and he couldn’t lie to these girls like that. He was already using them for a selfish motive. He couldn’t bear to lead them on any further.

Besides, whenever they broke up Oikawa would put on a show in order to get Iwa-chan to comfort him. She’s wrap her arms around him as he sniffed and cuddled her, babbling on and on about his broken (not) heart. She’d sigh and run her fingers through his hair and he'd melt into her touch. But that brought him back to the beginning, pinning over her and trying to inhale as much of her scent as he could so that he would remember it in his dreams where he could touch, snuggle, and kiss her as though they were lovers.

Those dreams were the worst. He’d wake up in cold sweat, the taste of her lips on his tongue and the sound of her voice ringing in his ears. But then he’d look to the side and his bed would be empty and he was faced with the reality that Iwa-chan was not his and he was not her’s. His heart ached to be with her and yet the most that he could do was hug her, maybe hold her hand when they went out shopping so that they wouldn’t get lost.

The worst of it was that Iwa-chan seemed entirely unaffected by any this. None of his girlfriends made her jealous and she never showed any signs of wanting to be more than his friend.

He wished that the word friend could go back to being a beautiful and sweet word on his lips. But now it was hollow and stabbed him in the heart, hurting him in places that could not be seen with the naked eye.

By the end of his first year Oikawa had the reputation as the “Hot and playboy-like setter.”

Oikawa kinda liked it. Iwa-chan, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki rolled their eyes.

“You’ve been friends with him for how long?” asked Hanamaki.

“Too long,” Iwa-chan grumbled.

“Mean!” exclaimed Oikawa.

“Who would be honored to be known like that?” mussed Matsukawa. Iwa-chan and Hanamaki nodded their agreement.

Oikawa let out a long suffering sigh. “How am I friends you people?”

“Because you'd be lost without us,” said Hanamaki. “Especially Iwaizumi-kun.”

Oh, if only he knew.

 

\---

 

Iwa-chan got her first boyfriend in the beginning of second year. It was Yoshida Ahkito of all people too.

Oikawa had always suspected that Yoshida had a thing for her. Ever since he had introduced Yoshida to her the other boy had taken quite the liking to Iwa-chan. Oikawa didn’t really mind during his first year although Yoshida’s constantly nagging him about seeing Iwa-chan was annoying. In his second year it grated on Oikawa's nerves the way Yoshida would look at her for periods of time and any time Iwa-chan would notice he would look away and blush.

(But she was dense as hell so she never thought anything about it.)

It was even worse when she was bullied because Iwa-chan told him that Yoshida became her confidant whenever Oikawa wasn’t there.

Third year was horrible. Oikawa felt that he was never there for her and all the gaps that he left were filled up by Yoshida. Iwa-chan had been his pillar but he had not been her’s.

It really shouldn’t have surprised Oikawa when Yoshida asked him if he could ask her out.

“She’s your best friend and I feel that it would have been rude to do something so big without asking you first,” Yoshida said, fidgeting.

“What am I? Her father?” Oikawa asked, slightly amused but mostly pissed off.

“You’re the person that she cares for most in the world and I know how much she means to you.” It stung Oikawa because Yoshida was right. Yoshida knew how much Iwa-chan meant to Oikawa. He just probably didn’t know Oikawa was in love her or else Yoshida wouldn’t have asked Oikawa such a question. Hell, Yoshida wouldn't have even thought about asking her out. Yoshida was a good person. He was the kind of person to run two blocks in order to return 10 yen to someone who dropped it. He was a good person.

Or so Oikawa told himself in order not to strangle Yoshida on the spot.

“It’s fine,” Oikawa said, his voice tense. “I don’t really care because I trust you. I know that you wouldn’t do anything to harm her so…”

“Really, man? Thank you so much! Any ideas on how I ask her? I know she has a bit of a sweet tooth, but getting candy for her seemed so overrated...” And so Yoshida babbled on and on. Oikawa had stopped listening, instead trying to focus on calming down the roaring in his ears and bile rising in his throat.

It really shouldn’t have hurt him so much when she accepted, blushing. He shouldn’t have wanted to punch Yoshida in the face when Yoshida’s face lit up in delight. He shouldn't have wanted to go home and cry when they set up their first date. He really should have been happy for them. Why couldn’t he be happy for them?

The day they got together was among the worst days in his life. He had to watch Iwa-chan look around her dreamily, a permanent blush on her cheeks.

(She looked so cute, she looked so cute but it wasn’t because of anything Oikawa had done and that made him angry.)

“My first boyfriend, huh?” she said, sighing.

“I knew that someone would ask you out,” said Oikawa with a tight-lipped smile. “Despite your barbarian ways, you are a good person!”

She socked him in the shoulder and laughed and Oikawa found himself laughing too because it was easier to hide his broken heart behind a façade of cheeriness. He left Iwa-chan at her home, the girl with a spring in her step and song on her lips.

(But that spring wasn't because of him and that song wasn’t meant for him.)

He trudged home, hands in his pockets and head down, tears threatening to spill out on his cheeks.

 _Five more steps, four more steps, three,_ he told himself. _Get home. Go to bed. Get home. Go to bed. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._

“Tooru?” his mother asked when she saw her son’s watery eyes. Oikawa only shook his head and shouldered his way inside, taking off his shoes and setting his bag down. “What’s wrong, Tooru?” He shook his head again and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I’m fine,” he mumbled. “Just fine. C-can I have some tea? I’m going to do homework.”

“And Hajime-chan? Is she coming over?”

Oikawa laughed bitterly. “No, she’s not coming over tonight. She probably isn’t coming over for a while.”

“Honey, did you two get into a fight?”

Oikawa found his mother annoying. The wound was still fresh and here she was, poking around the sensitive areas. "We’re fine,” he snapped. “Nothing is going on between us.”

 

His mother glared at him sternly. “Look, Tooru, I know that high school can be stressful and all but-“

“This isn’t something that can be fixed,” said Oikawa softly. “There-there really isn’t going on between us. It’s fine. Our-our relationship is the same.”

 _And that what hurts,_ he wants to silently add.

“It’s fine,” he insisted when his mother looked at him worriedly. “I’m going to my room to do homework, by myself. Just-just call me when it’s time for dinner. I’m sorry, I have a lot of work to do.” He picked his bag up and escaped from his mother’s penetrating gaze.

He slammed his bedroom door shut and sunk to the floor. He curled up into a ball as the first round of sobs hit him. At first they were little streams, bubbling but small. He was able to keep them at bay. But it got worse and worse until Oikawa felt like he was spilling out an ocean of feelings.

 _He_ wanted to the first person to ask her out. _He_ wanted to be the first person that she feel in love with, the same way that she was his first love. _He_ wanted to make her blush and squirm and giggle. _He_ wanted her to be his, all his. 

But that wasn’t possible anymore.

He had to share her now, something that he never thought he would do. He was horrible at sharing, always had been. He was the kid who guilt-tripped others into giving him their toys as well as the reason why teachers had to start making kids take turns.

Never in his life had he had to share Iwa-chan. She was his, really. Sure, she had other friends and all that but they never were as important as he was. At the end of the day, they both leaned on each the most.

But now-

 _Do  your homework_ , he commanded himself. He shakily got off the floor and took out his books in a robotic fashion. He set them on the desk and sat down on his chair. He grabbed a stray pen and opened his notebook and flipped through his textbook.

_Homework, homework, homework. Don’t think about Iwa-chan, don’t think about Yoshida. Don’t think about the pit in your stomach. You can do this._

But he failed. Oh did he fail.

He was only able to do a few problems before finding one that he had trouble with and that Iwa-chan didn’t. He knew because she had explained to him during lunch. He had whined until she went over to his desk and helped him out. She had leaned over, her breath on his neck, hair tickling his cheek. From the corner of his eyes he could spy the faint outline of her bra and he had to restrain himself from staring. She held his hand, writing out the answer and whispering the explanation in his ears.

The whole encounter took less than twenty seconds but to Oikawa it felt like an eternity. He was left breathless by the end of it.

The second round of sobs hit him and he knew that he was in for a long, long night. He slammed the textbook shut and threw the notebook and pen across the room. They hit the wall with a satisfying _thump_ and Oikawa smiled in victory. But he broke down quickly afterward, much to his own disgust.

He crawled into bed and wrapped the blankets around him until he was stuck snug in them.  _I’m a Toor-ito_ , he thought glumly but doesn’t have the heart to laugh because all he can think about was Iwa-chan shaking her head at him and calling him a dumbass.

He cried into his pillow, soaking it thoroughly until there was not one spot of it that had not been touched by his tears. Amidst his sobs his mother walked into the room, a cup of tea in hand. She set it on the desk and sat down on the bed, next to the blankets that Oikawa had wrapped himself in.

“I brought tea,” she said softly. “Thought that its soothing qualities would help ease your soul.”

Oikawa snorted and stuck his head out of the bundle of blankets. “I don’t think that even volleyball can cure me right now,” he lamented, sniffling. “But I’ll take the tea.”

“Not even volleyball, huh,” said his mother as Oikawa wiggled out and sat on his bed. She handed him the tea and he accepted it gratefully. “Must be pretty bad. Care to explain?”

He sniffed and shook his head. “There is nothing to explain.”

“And I’m guessing that this has something to do with Hajime-chan.” He nodded. “Hm, can I venture a guess?”

Oikawa laughs. “Be my guest?”

“She called you annoying?”

He sniggered then coughed. “Ugh, if only.”

“Someone made fun of you and she didn’t defend you?”

“I can stand up for myself just fine,” Oikawa grumbled.

His mother gave him a pained expression. “Someone asked her out and she said yes?”

Oikawa’s face crumpled and his hands shook as he stared into his tea. “It was Yoshida,” he whispered. “He came to me about it and then asked her out her. I was right there. I-I sa-saw the whole thing.” He gulped and looked at his mother curiously. “What-what made you guess that?”

“Sweetie, you’re practically transparent when it comes to her. I’ve never seen someone with such big doe eyes since the day your father laid eyes on me.” Oikawa laughed a little and curled up even more. “She’s always been so important to you…”

“I love her, mom,” he said quietly and it felt good to say it. Yes, he loved Iwa-chan. He loved her with all his heart and soul. “I-I love her so much.”

“Your other girlfriends… were they just a distraction?” Oikawa nodded. “Oh, sweetie, you can’t-she isn’t going to look at you just because you have other girls hanging on you. In fact, that’s going to drive her away…”

“I wanted to be her first,” he choked out, hands shaking so hard that his mother took the tea away from him. “I wanted to be her first everything. Her first boyfriend, her first kiss-“ He broke down again, his sobs wet, loud, and mushy. His mother wrapped her arms around him and stayed with him for the rest of the night, consoling her ailing son. It had been such a long time since she had held him. Oikawa wanted to stay in his mother's warmth forever.

“You have to try to be happy for them,” she said as he drifted off to sleep. “I know it’s hard but you have to try.”

And did Oikawa try. He tried so, so, _so_ hard.

But how can you ignore the hole in your chest every time you saw your love in another person’s arms?

They weren’t a particularly PDA couple (thank the heavens), but he saw little snippets of their relationship that made his heart sink. Soft whispers, exchanged glances, brushes of their skin, gentle smiles. He once even saw Yoshida give her a quick peck on the cheek and Iwa-chan blushed and shuffled away, trying to hide her huge grin.

Oikawa was supposed to be the one that did all that with her. Oikawa was supposed to whisper in her ear and make her giggle. He was supposed to share looks with her, conveying his fondness of her. Their hands were supposed to be the ones that touched as they walked down the hallway. Everything that Yoshida did… that was supposed to be Oikawa.

His dating spree got worse. He started to branch out of the school and flirt with girls from other areas. They didn’t know him, so they had no idea what to expect and neither did he. The relationship never lasted more than a couple of days before ending in a messy break-up.

But now there was no one to comfort him and he spent those nights huddled up under the blankets, bawling his eyes out.

What hurt the most was that he couldn’t tell Iwa-chan his pain. He couldn’t explain the dark circles under his eyes or his all of his loveless relationships. What good what that do? He couldn't burden her with his petty feelings. So he turned to volleyball, the one constant in his life that never wavered, never failed him.

One night Hanamaki found him in the gym past nine, still perfecting his jump serve. Hanamaki watched him wordless as he hit another over the net.

“Oikawa,” he said.

“Makki-chan!” greeted Oikawa, stumbling to the ball cart. “Funny seeing you here! I thought you went home?”

Hanamaki stared at him impassively. “What are you doing?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “I’m perfecting my jump serve, duh? What else?” Oikawa laughed as he went back to the line to serve. His shoulder ached but he was okay. He was so close…

Hanamaki grabbed his wrist. “That’s enough, Oikawa,” he said softly.

“Makki-chan,” said Oikawa with false sweetness. “Please, I know what I’m doing.”

“So he was here,” said a new voice and Oikawa turned to face Matsukawa. The middle blocker leaned against the doorway, sizing Oikawa up.

“What are you-how did you-“

“We know you have a tendency to overexert yourself. Plus Iwaizumi told us that this was where we would find you.” Matsukawa shrugged. “She was right, of course.”

“I’m fine,” said Oikawa, miffed.

“You look like the living-dead,” remarked Matsukawa. “You are the farthest thing away from okay. Besides..." He gave Oikawa a pointed stared. "....we know you have a broken heart.”

Oikawa deflated. “How did you-is it that obvious?”

“To the outside person? No. You still seem like yourself, just extra tired and annoying. To the people that know you? It’s obvious.” Hanamaki slung his arm across Oikawa’s shoulders. “You know that you can trust us, right? You don’t have to bottle everything up.”

Oikawa shook his head. “I’m fine,” he repeated, more for himself. “It’ll be okay.” He’s shaking now but he’s sure that it’s just due to exhaustion. It’s not and Oikawa found himself crying on the gym floor, crying for what was easily the fourth time that week.

He was absolutely pathetic, he couldn’t believe it.

But now Hanamaki and Matsukawa were there, comforting him. They weren’t Iwa-chan, but it was a hell lot better than dealing with the feelings all by himself.

They brought him home and they found Iwa-chan at his doorstep, fidgeting with her phone. Once she saw him she relaxed and ran to him, throwing her arms around him. “Oikawa!” she exclaimed, hugging him tightly. “I was so worried about you! I got Hanamaki’s text and I-and I-“ She slapped his arm and he squeaked in pain. “Never do that again, you hear me? You scared the crap out of me and your parents. Ahkito almost went to get you as well.”

Ahkito? They were on a first name basis?

Oikawa’s heart sunk. He could tell by her clothes that she must have been out on a date with him. In fact, it was the outfit that he had originally chosen for her for her first date with Yoshida.  She had decided to wear something else in the end but the fact that she even thought about wearing something that he picked out for another date...

“I’m sorry,” he choked out. “I didn’t mean to make you worry…” She sighed and took his hand, telling Hanamaki and Matsunkawa that she would take care of him from this point on.

“I feel as though I’m dealing with an overgrown five-year old,” she remarked as she walked into Oikawa’s house, Oikawa leaning against her. 

“But you don’t mind taking care of me,” he said cheekily. She laughed and Oikawa felt his heart soar.

“I really don’t,” she said, bemused. “I really don’t.”

It was a wonderful night with Iwa-chan back. They stayed up late into the night, doing homework and telling jokes. Iwa-chan had wrapped him up in a blanket and Oikawa rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in the scent that he loved so much.

“Iwa-chan,” he said, his voice thick with sleep.

“Hm?” she answered, rocking him back and forth.

“You’re the best.”

“Thank you. That-that means a lot to me.”

Iwa-chan didn’t stay that night but Oikawa had never slept better.

 

\---

 

Some days it was easy for him to forget that Iwa-chan wasn’t his. Others… not so much.

Iwa-chan and Yoshida's relationship had been going pretty steady with small dates to the park, cafés, and volleyball games. Yoshida was a great boyfriend through and through, which irked Oikawa to no end.

“You could take a page out of his book when it comes to relationships,” Iwa-chan commented to him one day as they lounged around in Oikawa’s house, playing MarioCart.

Oikawa snorted. “What makes you say that, Iwa-chan?” he muttered as his character fell off the road again. He gnashed his teeth angrily. Damn her for choosing Rainbow Road.

“I’ve notice how horribly you’ve been doing with your recent girlfriends. Sure, you’ve never been one to hold a long-term relationship but two girls in a week? My goodness. What do you take girls for? Toys?” She let out a string of curse words as her character fell as well.

“No, that not it,” Oikawa mumbled defensively. “They both broke up with me.”

“And why’s that?” she asked innocently. She paused the game and turned around to face him. She had her legs across his lap, a position that she used whenever they were on the couch together. Oikawa studied her critically, noticing the healthy glow on her cheeks and beautiful tan that had only gotten better with the summer’s sun. She wore a light blue tank top with pink English words on it that read “Sun’s Out, Guns Out,” which was completely ironic because it did indeed show off her lovely, muscled arms. Oikawa’s eyes traveled down her body and rested on her legs, which still plagued him to this day. Thankfully she was wearing longer shorts so Oikawa wasn’t tempted to look at skin that he wasn’t supposed to look at.

“That’s none of your business,” he croaked, throat dry.

She scrunched her nose up in disgust. “What do you mean, ' _none of your business’_? I’m your best friend, aren’t I? Don’t pull that shit on me.”

“It’s not important,” replied Oikawa tersely, reaching over to grab her controller to unpause the game and pause this conversation.

She smacked his hand away and he shot her a wounded look.  “Don’t think that I haven’t noticed how horriblely you’ve been fairing lately. And-and I don’t understand why you want to avoid this conversation with me. But we need to get this straight. We-we can’t repeat the same mistake that happened with Haruka-chan.”

Oikawa leaned back and sunk into the couch. “Th-that was all my fault though. I should have been more aware of what was happening to you and I wasn’t.”

She shook her head. “No, it wasn’t all your fault. I mean, you did neglect your responsibilites as my best friend,” she pointedly glared at him and he sunk even more into the cushions, “but I never told you anything was happening either. Let’s not hide stuff from each, okay? Please?”

Oikawa hands itched to take a hold of that controller. “Could we do this some other time?” he whined. “I’m about to beat you in Rainbow Road.”

Iwa-chan glanced at the screen and then narrowed her eyes at him. “Since when was ninth place better than third?”

“I had a trick up my sleeve to get to first,” Oikawa muttered darkly.

Iwa-chan sighed. “Look, I get it. You want some privacy and I respect that. But… you’ve been looking so tired lately and you don’t usually chain date this bad. I’m really worried, Oikawa. I’ve been worried since Hanamaki and Matsukawa dragged you from the gym to your house. You’re-you’re important to me and I-I just don’t want you to be like… this,” she said, gesturing at him.

“You just gestured to all of me,” said Oikawa, cracking a smile.

“So… could you like, I dunno, ease my mind a little and tell me what’s going on in that head of your’s?”

Oikawa bit his bottom lip and thrummed his fingers on her leg. He felt her tense a little at the touch but he’s too distracted to notice. Obviously he couldn’t tell her the real issue behind his behavior. How awful would that be?

_Hey, Iwa-chan I know that you’re a stable and loving relationship right now and I really suck at showing it but I kinda love you? A lot? And I don’t like the fact that you’re dating someone else?_

Oikawa knew that he could be a dick at times but that was over the line and no way in hell was he going to say that.

Iwa-chan hadn’t taken her eyes off of him this entire time. She bit her thumb and stared at him curiously, trying to figure him out. She seemed anxious for some reason. The silence is getting deafening. She was about to give up and turn the game back on when Oikawa spoke up.

“H-have you ever wanted someone so bad that it hurt?” Oikawa asked, his voice coming out softer and quieter than he had expected.

Iwa-chan stilled, hand hovering over the remote. She stared at the TV screen in front of them unblinkingly. Oikawa almost tells her to forget about it when she breathed out a quiet, “Yeah, I know the feeling.” She straightened her back and turned to face him. “I do know.”

Oikawa’s mouth went dry, his throat scratchy. Oh, he hadn't been prepared for this. 

The air between them became thick and charged with nervous energy. It was so intense that Oikawa swore that he would suffocate. Was Iwa-chan supposed to be looking at him like that? Where the emotions he saw reflected in her eyes real? What kind of face was he making? He couldn’t tell and his head hurt. He had to tread carefully or else he might be ruining more than one perfectly good relationship. How much could he tell her without hinting that it was her?

He sunk into the couch, sighing. “She’s so perfect, Iwa-chan,” he whispered, staring at the TV screen ahead of him. He was mildly glad for the bright colors that hid his reflection. He must look pathetic.

“She-she means everything to me. If I could give her the world… If I could do that I would give it all to her because she deserves nothing less than the best.” He took a shaky breath and continued, “And she's so close, Iwa-chan. She's so close but so far and it hurts sometimes because… well, I’m guessing you know.” He laughed bitterly and shook his head. “But I don’t mean that much to her. I-I probably never will...”

“Oikawa,” she growled, snapping Oikawa out of his trance. He glanced at her, her face set on a borderline snarl. “It this girl doesn't give you the time of day-”

Oikawa snorted and waved his hand. “It's not-it's not like that. I appreciate you getting all fussed up over it though.” He winked at her and she rolled her eyes. However, she visibly relaxed and went back to a neutral expression. “I am important to her. I know that. She makes that known everyday. But-but I can't help but want more from our relationship, you know?”

“I see,” Iwa-chan said quietly.

But no, she doesn't see and Oikawa has to push his point. “Remember when we were seven and we tried to get the cookie jar from the highest shelf?”

“ _We_?” asked Iwa-chan, narrowing her eyes at him. “That was all you. Don't you dare drag me into this. I told you it wasn't a good idea.”

“Okay, fine. When I tried to get the cookie jar?” She nodded noncommittally. “I never told you but I tried it again numerous times behind your back.”

“Son of a bitch,” she muttered, but there's the ghost of a smile on her lips.

“Yeah, yeah. You still love me. But anyways, I'd get on that stool and reach and stretch and try all sorts of shenanigans to get those cookies. At one point I even clung onto the cupboard doors in hope of pulling myself up to get it.” Oikawa let the image sink in; little seven-year-old him hanging onto the doors for dear life while staring up dreamily at the cookie jar.

"You're an idiot," she said and Oikawa laughed.

“At some point I gave up and started to eat the cookies whenever mom gave them to me. And I should have been happy. I was getting the cookies I wanted, consistently too! But… I still wanted the whole jar to myself. I wanted to eat as many cookies as I wanted, whenever I wanted. Mom giving them to me wasn't enough. I wanted more. But it would have been wrong and selfish of me to say that, you know? The cookies were for everyone to share but I wanted to hog them all like the conceited and self-absorbed little kid I was.”

“You still are a conceited and self-absorbed little kid,” Iwa-chan teased.

“You wound me, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa answered dryly. “Let me finish my story. One day mom stopped giving me cookies. At first I'm all like _'What the fuck is this shit'_ and _'Where_ _are_ _my goddamn_ _cookie_ _s_ _?'_ Of course I didn't say that exactly but you get the point. Anyways, I later on find out that my mom gave the jar away to you guys because your mom liked it a lot. At first I'm kind of confused and upset so I go to your house to check it out. But it's not longer a cookie jar. It's got this sort of exotic plant-”

“Yeah, I know the one. Mom loved those to death.”

Oikawa nodded. “Yeah. I remember thinking _'But that's not what it's supposed to do. It's supposed to have cookies. It's supposed to be mine.'_ That's I how I feel about the girl I like.”

They sat in silence. Oikawa twiddled his thumbs, refusing to look at Iwa-chan. Instead he focused on her legs, still on his lap. They were so beautiful and tan. What would it be like to touch them intimately? To press his lips to them?

The gods save him. He was in too deep.

“I'm sorry,” she whispered. “I-I never would have guessed.”

“That I have feelings like that?” he grumbled.

“I suppose? Please don't take it the wrong way, but I never thought that would fall in love with someone. That or you weren't particularly interested in a long-term relationship.”

“I am though,” he replied, his voice hoarse. He looked up at her, his eyes stinging with tears. “But only with her.”

Iwa-chan tilted her head to the side, scrutinizing him. “You can't have her though is what I understand.”

Oikawa nodded. “That's right.”

She crossed her arms across her chest and frowned at something in the distance. “Well, just some friendly girl advice, if you do want to get her attention and show her that you are capable of having a steady relationship with her, it isn't the best that you go around dating a bunch of other girls. It might get her attention but… what would you be proving? She would think that by going out with you she would have her heart broken and that you would move on like it was nothing.”

“I don't mean to play with the other girls,” snapped Oikawa.

“Then what do you mean to do with them?”

“I-I don't know. I just have this-this hole inside of me that I can't fill up and I keep thinking that maybe someone else can fill it. However, the more and more I date, the more and more obvious it is that the only one who can fill it is her.”

“So, essentially what you are trying to do is replace her?” she asked, an edge of anger in her voice.

Oikawa opened his mouth to argue when her phone rang. Iwa-chan sighed and picked it up, quickly tapping the screen. She scanned her phone and her eyes widened. “ _Shit_. Fuck-I can't believe that. I'm sorry, Oikawa. We'll talk about this later.” She slipped off the couch, furiously tapping her phone. Oikawa let out a quiet sigh of relief, only to tense up again with the wild look in Iwa-chan's eyes.

“Iwa-chan?” he asked hesitantly.

“I gotta go. I-I have a date with Yoshida-I totally forgot. I'm a horrible, horrible girlfriend-how did it even slip my mind? I just don't understand-”

“Slow down, slow down! When is he coming over?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“Well fuck, you're screwed- _OW!_ IWA-CHAN, I WAS JOKING, CHILL OUT!” Oikawa rubbed his jaw and looked up at her incredulously. “How on earth did you make a pillow hurt?”

“How am I going to get ready for a date in a fancy restaurant in fifteen minutes?!” she shot back, stamping her feet.

“Relax, relax. I'll help you pick out a super cute outfit okay? C'mon, let's go!” The two of them raced over to her house and barreled up the stairs. Oikawa burst into her room and made a beeline to her room, already sifting through her clothes.

“Where are you going?”

“The new one downtown!” she called from the bathroom.

“Got it!” Oikawa bit his bottom lip, scanning the closet. He cursed Iwa-chan for not having more fancy clothes. It wouldn't be a bad idea to go out shopping for some dresses and skirts. She would hate him for it but Oikawa always took every opportunity he could to see her in feminine outfits. She never wanted to admit it, but she totally rocked short skirts.

Finally he found a decent dress that not only would she look good in, she wouldn't bash his head in when he presented it to her. He took it off the hanger, humming happily to himself as he searched for the shoes that went with it. Once he was satisfied he went over the bathroom and knocked on the door.

“Can I come in?” Oikawa asked.

“Yeah, yeah.” Oikawa pushed the door open and found himself looking at a peculiar sight that he hadn't thought that he would ever see again.

“Is-is that makeup?” he asked, carefully laying the dress down on the toilet cover.

Iwa-chan flushed. “Don't make fun of me,” she snapped as she dabbed lip gloss on. She smacked her lips and Oikawa felt to the urge to press his own lips against hers.

“I'm not making fun of you,” he said.

“You're thinking it,” she said.

 _I'm actually thinking about you leaving lip gloss marks all over me but yeah, totally making fun of you._ Oikawa rolled his eyes. “So overdramatic, Iwa-chan. Can you blame me for being surprised? Do you even remember how these things work?”

“Not really,” she confessed, taking out the eyeliner. She eyed it warily. “But I have been thinking about wearing it more often.” She turned to him. “Do you mind?”

“Mind what?” asked Oikawa, tilting his head.

“Me wearing makeup… I mean the last time it happened-”

“Oh, hush,” said Oikawa, silencing her. “I already told you. The reason I got so worked up was because you weren't doing it for yourself but for others. I'm totally fine if you feel comfortable with it. Do you feel comfortable with it?” She nodded. “Then I'm fine. Anyways, here's your outfit.”

She wrinkled her nose. “A dress? I was hoping that you would give me a skirt.”

“Iwa-chan has no sense of fashion,” Oikawa lamented. “Thank goodness I'm here to help you out! Oh, also, you don't want to do you eyeliner like that! Here, let me do it.” Oikawa snatched the eyeliner out of Iwa-chan's hand and tilted her face up, hooking his thumb behind her ear. She blinked at him owlishly.

“I can do it,” she said.

“Let me do this for you, okay?” said Oikawa, closing her eyelids with a soft press of his fingers. Iwa-chan reluctantly complied. Once he was done he took a step back to admire his work. Iwa-chan's eyes fluttered open and Oikawa felt his breath hitch.

What had he done?! She was gorgeous, the wings emphasizing her black, almond-shaped eyes. Something swelled up inside his chest and Oikawa forced himself to look away as Iwa-chan examined herself in the mirror.

“How did you-” Iwa-chan began.

“Mako taught me. Never knew that it would come in hand,” he replied, shrugging and trying to pay more attention to the wall than at her. “Do you like it?”

“Oikawa, it's flawless! Thank you so much!” She wrapped her arms around him, crushing the air out of his lungs. He nervously patted her back.

“Don't ruin all my hard work,” he chided. She pulled away and gave him that lopsided grin that he loved so much. “I'm going out and letting you finish. You should be ready in five, okay?” She nodded and Oikawa stepped out of the bathroom. He leaned against the door and slid down to the floor, the weight of what he was doing crashing down on him.

 

He looked up at the blank ceiling helplessly, wondering why he was doing this. But then she emerged out of the bathroom and Oikawa remembered.

She was happy and there nothing in this world that Oikawa wanted to do more than to make her happy.

He cursed himself for picking out such a nice dress for her. It's a light blue dress with short sleeves and a sweetheart neckline. It's on the shorter side, the soft fabric of the dress flirting with her thighs the same way her school skirt did. Although, he definitely wouldn't mind if she hitched it a little bit higher...

Oikawa needed to get his head out of the gutter.

“You look great!” he exclaimed, scrambling up and giving her a thumbs up.

“You think so?” she asked, uncharacteristically nervous. “Do you think Ahkito will like it?”

“If Yoshida doesn't like it I'll beat some sense into him,” Oikawa replied.

“Don't pick a fight with my boyfriend,” she grumbled, puffing out her cheeks in mock-anger.

“Iwa-chan, you have to let me be your knight-shining-armor sometimes~ ”

She snorted. “I'd rather you stay as a king. That way I can protect you because you don't know your own limits.”

“Rude!” Oikawa said, but he found himself smiling. “Do you like being my knight, Iwa-chan?”

“I feel more like your maid or mother,” she scoffed, hands on her hips. “I have to constantly dote you and give you attention.”

Oikawa took a step forward and leaned down towards her, their noses touching. “But you like doing that, don't you?” he said, voice low and husky. The look he was giving her was probably really inappropriate considering that she had a boyfriend but it was intoxicating being this close to her. The new perfume her mother got for her filled Oikawa's senses. Her black eyes were wide open in surprise, lips forming an 'O'. The things Oikawa would do to kiss them senseless and taste his name on her lips.

She closed the distance between them a little bit more.”I might,” she whispered softly.

Oikawa's stomach flipped. A bright red _DANGER!_ flashed in his eyes as he leaned in closer, their lips almost brushing. “Is that so?” he purred, licking his lips. Iwa-chan's eyes darted down to his tongue before looking at him and giving him a slight nod, looking way too excited.

Oikawa's a mess now, just a bundle of nerves. It's a wonder that he's still standing on two feet and not fumbling with his words. Yet something about this feels so, _so_ right, even though he knew in the back of his mind that it was so, _so_ wrong. He shouldn't be this close to Iwa-chan. Not when she had a boyfriend.

But Iwa-chan wasn't fighting it. In fact, if the slight tugging on his shirt meant anything, she was encouraging it. They both know it's wrong. But Oikawa can't stop, doesn't want to stop. Never, ever will he get a chance like this. A chance to be so close to her that he's breathing in her oxygen. Never again will he be able to have that look of desire on her face directed at him and only him.

They're almost touching, both of their lips parted. All he has to do is lean in and he can taste them, taste her.

There's a knock on the door and spell that held them together was broken. She blinked at him and he stared down at her, reality sinking in. He released her from his grip and stumbled back. She looked at him blankly has he turned his head to the side and coughed. Oikawa wondered how red his face was. 

“Yoshida-kun is here,” said Oikawa, looking at the ground.

“He-he is,” was Iwa-chan's shaky reply. She cleared her throat before turning away and marching mechanically towards the stairs. She took one step down before turning back to Oikawa. “Um, thank you for helping me out.”

“Oh, it's not problem,” he said, scratching the back of his head. “Anything for you.”

Iwa-chan glanced to the side, blushing. “I don't deserve you. You're too good of a friend.” Oikawa opened his mouth to refute that claim but Yoshida knocked again. “Sorry! Gotta get going!” She rushed down the stairs, still babbling. “Thank you for everything! Love you, Tooru!”

_Love you, Tooru!_

Oikawa choked and staggered down the stairs after her, wanting to wrap her up in his arms.

_I love you too, Hajime! Stay here with me! I promise you that I will stay by your side forever and ever!_

He couldn't say any of that, of course. Instead, once he got to the door, he was forced to watch Yoshida's car peel away, taking Oikawa's love with him.

_Love you, Tooru!_

Oikawa was going to be sick.

Thank goodness Iwaizumi-san wasn't home at the time. There was no way that Oikawa would have been able to stop the tears that bubbled up and spilled down his cheeks if she was. His mother and close friends already knew how he felt towards Iwa-chan. The last thing he needed was for Iwa-chan's mother to know as well.

He closed the door and walked home, sniffling the whole way and stifling his wails. He pushed the door open and eyed his house to make sure it was clear. The last thing he needed was for his mother or father to catch him with watery eyes and a runny nose. He closed the door and shuffled upstairs, closing his bedroom door. He sunk into his bed, gazing up at the ceiling listlessly.

_I love you, Hajime._

_I love you Hajime._

He grabbed his phone off his nightstand and dialed up Hanamaki and Matsukawa.

“Oikawa?” They asked in unison.

Oikawa could only reply with a sob and broken words.

( _She doesn't love me,_ is all Hanamaki and Matsunkawa can make sense of for the rest of the call.)

 

\---

 

His parents had warned him. Hanamaki and Matsunkawa had warned. Coach had warned him. Yoshida had warned him.

Iwa-chan had warned him.

But did he listen?

Of course not!

Why would he when he was so close to reaching his goal? Spring High was coming up in a short two months. If they could just push a little more they would make it this time. Go head-to-head against Shiratorizawa in the finals, beat them, and go to the nationals. 

Oikawa couldn't afford to waste any precious time. He was going to take his team to the national stage, even if it killed him, because they deserved nothing but the best.

The only reason that Oikawa was thankful for Iwa-chan and Yoshida's relationship was because it kept her distracted. She couldn't hover over him, telling him what he should and shouldn't do. She did what she could and then turned her attention back to her boyfriend.

Which was fine. Whatever. He was still super jealous but it gave him extra practice time.

And that's where he found himself, late at night in the gym that had become his second home.

Everyone had already left, Oikawa had made sure, before he put up the net again.

 _Just a few more minutes_ , he told himself, setting the alarm on his phone. _Just a few more minutes and I'll be done._

The few minutes turned into half an hour, next an hour and a half, two hours, until finally he had been the gym for a grand total of four hours.

Oikawa didn't know where the time went, how quickly it flew by. He measured time by how much strength he had left and how light-head he felt. He knew time was up when he collapsed onto the floor, limbs burning and head spinning. It was an ugly end, but most of the time Oikawa was able to put everything away and walk to the closest bus stop without an issue. Sure, doing homework was hell but the satisfaction of watching a perfected move that left everyone floored was worth the pain.

Today, however, he ignored the usual tell-tale signs of exhaustion. He had no homework and it was a Saturday so getting home was the last thing on his mind. Also, Yoshida had kissed Iwa-chan in the hallway earlier, telling her the time for their date later on so Oikawa didn't have to worry about Iwa-chan storming in and dragging him home.

He should have been worried about Hanamaki or Mastunkawa coming over and doing the same but they had cram school so there was no way they would get to him. Oikawa should be going to cram school too but he had always been among the top of his class so he never did. His parents didn't like it, mostly because Mako had done it despite being the top of her class.

But Oikawa wasn't Mako, who was ironically an academic genius. He wasn't like Tobio-chan either, a volleyball genius. Oikawa Tooru wasn't a genius at all. However, no matter how hard he tried, he could never be like his sister. He never gave up but had he had long discarded any thoughts of ever catching up to her. Tobio-chan, on the other hand, was someone who Oikawa could reach. He just had to work harder, play better, go faster.

He could make it.

He _would_ make it.

 _Maybe this is enough_ , he thought to himself as his serve hit the net for the twentieth time in a row. He wasn't improving anymore, just failing, and what good was practice if he wasn't getting any better? Also, his knee was throbbing kinda painfully and jumping up and down was only making it worse.

His legs felt like jelly and Oikawa could barely see a foot ahead of him. He stumbled to the ball cart, wincing in pain and rolling his shoulders. He deposited the ball back in the cart, running through some drills that he could do the next day. He gripped the edge of the cart and took one step forward.

Pain.

Hot-white searing pain erupted in his knee and he crumbled to the ground with a cry, taking the cart down with him and spilling its content all over the gym floor.

There was a ringing in his ears that Oikawa couldn't quite make out what it was, but he was happy he couldn't hear well because he knew he was making the sounds of an injured animal. He rolled on his back and drew in the knee before putting it back down quickly, the pain too much to handle. His eyes pricked with tears, his breathing labored.

Everyone had warned him.

_Don't overexert yourself._

Now, sprawled out on the court with a mess that he wouldn't be able to pick up, Oikawa kind of wished he had listened.

He's unsure of how to deal with the situation, unsure of what to do with himself, so he started to laugh. It was quiet at first, more like giggles. It evolved into chuckles, then guaffaws, and continued until he was in hysterics, his voice echoing in the empty gym.

It was really pathetic.

He was really pathetic.

Once he was done with laughing at his own stupidity and the stupidity of the situation, he rolled on his good side, stomach to the floor, and propped himself up on his elbows. The silent gym seemed to stare him down, judging him. Even the volleyballs seemed to mock him. He sighed and rolled on his back again, staring up at the ceiling.

He needed to get help.

He thought about rolling his way over to his bag, but he would hit his bad knee one-too many times. He thought about slithering across the floor, or maybe even army crawling. However, he was neither a snake nor a soldier and his pain tolerance was way too low to risk either of those.

Finally he settled on sitting up and pushing himself to his bag. He planted his hands on the floor and pushed, his butt gliding across the floor. Granted, he didn't go very far or very fast but at least it didn't bother his knee too much. 

When he got to his bag, he fished out his phone, unlocked it, and stared at the screen for what seemed to be an eternity.

Who should he call? He couldn't bother his parents, who'd only berate him for getting hurt or tell him to walk it off. He couldn't call Hanamaki or Matsukawa because they were cram school. He supposed that he could call Yahaba or Watari, but the last thing he wanted to do was come off as an irresponsible senpai.

So that would leave…

But she would be alright with it, right? Oikawa could play it off as being too tired to go home and she'd roll her eyes and yell at him when she found out what had happened. Then she would rush him to a hospital and stay with him for as long as he needed to be. She would put in a good word for his parents as well, so they wouldn't kill him. She'd probably get Yoshida to help too. She might alert the rest of the team, but Oikawa would rather that she tell them than they hear it coming from him.

He tapped her contact and waited for her pick-up.

“Oikawa?” came her answer, barely distinguishable over the background noise.

“Iwa-chan!” he greeted, leaning against the wall and propping his knee on his bag, wincing in pain. “How are you?”

“I'm fine,” she said, puzzled. “What's up with you?”

“Where are you at the moment?” Oikawa asked, twirling one of his curls.

“My boyfriend…?”

_Oh crap._

Their date.

It had completely slipped Oikawa's mind.

“N-nevermind,” Oikawa said quickly. “It's nothing. Bye...”

“Oikawa, what's wrong?” asked Iwa-chan, voice laced with panic.

“I'm fine, I'm fine!” replied Oikawa frantically, regretting calling her. “Enjoy your date with Yoshida! Don't worry about me.”

“Shittykawa, you never call me unless it's an emergency!” she exclaimed. He heard Yoshida's voice in the background.

“Iwa-chan, please don't worry,” Oikawa begged. “Don't ruin your date for me, I'm telling you-”

“Are you telling me that a date is more important than your possible death?!”

Oikawa had to laugh. “Oh, c'mon, Iwa-chan, the situation isn't that bad.”

“So, it is bad.”

Oikawa hesitated before answering a small, “Yes.”

“Oh my goodness, Shittykawa, I swear to the gods-”

“Don't do anything stupid!” Oikawa insisted. “I can wait! Just finish your date with Yoshida and-”

“Literally fuck that. Ahkito is going to have deal- _yes, you. Oikawa's probably found a way to kill himself_ \- Where are you?” Silence. “You're at the gym aren't you? The gods above give me strength... what did you do?”

“It's okay. I'm okay," Oikawa insisted.

“You were at the gym! You were working on your serve weren't you? GODDAMNIT, ASSIKAWA. I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS. What hurts? What did you hurt? What did I tell you about staying late and overworking yourself? This is what you get for not listening to me. _Ahkito, so sorry, but I gotta pick up this idiot_ \- don't you dare move from where you are- _and don't give me that face. You know what Oikawa's like._ You still there?”

“You should like a mom. A very worried and upset mother,” commented Oikawa.

“I hate you, I fucking hate you. Why are you my best friend? I swear that you're already giving me gray hairs- _c'mon, Ahkito, we can make this date up_ \- you are a literal toddler- _yes, I still care about you but this is important_ \- I have constantly be watching you- _I'll pay dinner to make it up, how does that sound?_ \- because I turn around and-”

“Don't do this to Yoshida,” said Oikawa desperately, grasping at any straw he could grab. “He was waiting for this date for so long. Isn't it like, your anniversary or something?”

“Six month anniversary, but Oikawa-”

“No buts. Finish your dinner and then get me.”

Silence. “I'll be there in thirty. Don't you dare move.”

_Click._

Oikawa watched his phone slip through his fingers and land on the floor.

What had he done? He had never wanted this! He hadn't even known that it was such an important date! It looked like he had wanted to ruin it on purpose! He was going to spend the next week begging for Yoshida's forgiveness.

Iwa-chan appeared at the gym thirty minutes later. She was in a pretty dress and wedges, obviously having come from a fancy restaurant. As she marched over to Oikawa and he noticed her smeared make-up and the slight disarray of her spiky hair.

She towered over him, glaring him down. “What the fuck, Shittykawa?” she hissed. “What on earth did you do?” Oikawa only whimpered and turned away. She crouched down and inspected the leg that he had propped up. Her fingers skimmed his leg, brushed against his knee.

It was like he had been shot. Oikawa couldn't even register the pain correctly and howled loudly, the back of his head hitting the wall.

“What did you do?” she asked again, looking at his knee in shock

“I don't know,” Oikawa answered, tears pricking his eyes. “I was serving and then all of a sudden-”

“It was not all of a sudden,” Iwa-chan said quietly. “No way something this bad happened so suddenly.” Iwa-chan frowned. “How many times have you been practicing like this? And don't lie because I'll find out if you're lying or not.”

“Most days… But this has never happened before! I mean, sure, it kind of bothered me but it never was that bad.”

“I hate you, you know that? It's like you never grew out of the age of five.” She didn't sound mad, at least. Just tried and resigned. “I can't believe that I still put up with this shit after so many years. You've been using the time I've been with Ahkito to do this, right? Going behind my back, you little-”

“Stop,” choked out Oikawa. “Stop, I get it. I've been in the gym for over half-an-hour like this. Do you really think that I didn't think about any of this?” He sniffed, not even realizing that he had started to cry.

But he felt so, so bad. Here was Iwa-chan, basically rescuing him on one of the most important nights of her life all because he had been stupid enough to push himself beyond his limit. And here they were, paying the price.

Iwa-chan stared at him, silent. Oikawa shifted uncomfortably under her stern gaze. He turned away, wiping his tears and snot with the back of his hand.

“You're such an ugly crier,” Iwa-chan said, sliding down next to him.

Oikawa sniffed. “You remind me of that constantly. Sorry that my sad face isn't as pretty as my normal face.”

“Well, you have to be ugly sometimes.” Oikawa snorted and turned over to the face Iwa-can, who flashed him a small grin.

“I can't allow anyone to see me like this,” Oikawa said, chin up.

“I know,” Iwa-chan responded softly. “That's why I'm so honored whenever I see you at your worst. Because it means you trust me, you know? I like having people trust me. You calling me instead of your parents first is trust.”

“How did you know that I didn't call my parents?” Oikawa whined, pouting.

She rolled her eyes. “Because I know you, duh. Now, let's not get too side-tracked. You're fessing up everything that you did behind my back up until this point and I'll decide whether or not I should rat you out to your folks or take you to a hospital first.”

So Oikawa confessed. He told her when he started, why he started, how long his regimes were, what he did to avoid getting caught… everything.

It felt so nice to get this off his chest. All these feelings that he had held in for so long. He wasn't like others who could keep it all in and solve it himself. He had to talk about it, tell others about, and work out a solution with them. It was one of the reasons why some of his girlfriends had left him and it was one of the reasons that Iwa-chan had stayed.

Once he was done spilling out his heart, Iwa-chan nodded carefully. “Hospital it is. How bad does it hurt? If I ask you stand up, with help, would you be able to do it?”

Oikawa hesitated, then shook his head. “No. I don't want to risk it.”

Iwa-chan tilted her head to the side. “I'm going to have to carry you, aren't I?”

Oikawa blushed. “Are you going to carry me like a princess all the way to the hospital?”

“Dumbass, no. That's too far away and no way in hell am I going to carry your fat ass all the way over there.”

“So, in theory, you would carry me all the way there if it were close enough?”

Oikawa thought that she would play it off as a joke. Laugh it off. Instead, she says, “Maybe. Now, I'm going to break down the court and clean up the mess you made, okay? Stay put.”

“Oh, Iwa-chan is sooo funny,” grumbled Oikawa as she smirked and made her way over to the net. It took her a while but she was able to break it down faster than it took to set up. And the time is including chasing down all the balls and putting them in their place.

Once the last stray ball is put away she turned to Oikawa.

“I'm going to put your leg back on the ground, okay?” Oikawa nodded. She crouched down again and carefully picked up his leg and placed it to the side. Oikawa bit his lip to stop him from crying out in pain. She pushed his bag aside and spread his legs.

“Iwa-chan, I sure hope that you aren't going to do what I think you're going to do.”

Iwa-chan sent him a disgusted glare, mouth curled and everything. “You're disgusting. Get your head out of the gutter.”

 _I'm trying, Iwa-chan, I really am, but you're looking really hot right now. Plus I'm really in love with you and I kinda want to see your bare skin._ _Sue me for a being a hormonal teenager,_ Oikawa thought.

But it was even worse. She sat down, her back to him, and slid in between his legs. Oikawa's breath hitched when her back hit his chest.

“Fine,” he choked out.

_Cloud 9, actually. Could you never move from there?_

But then he had to quell any further thoughts because the last thing he needed was for Iwa-chan to know about his undying love for her just because a certain body part of his decided to pop up.

“Wrap your arms around my neck and your good leg on my waist.”

“Done,” he said, doing as Iwa-chan instructed. He could live with this. He might have to get hurt more often to experience this heavenly situation again.

“Whatever you do, don't put all your weight on me, okay?”

“I'll try.”

She discarded her wedges and pushed them to the side. “Ready?”

“Ready as I'll ever be. Whatever you do, don't drop me~”

She grunted her reply and a few seconds later he was above the ground, clinging on to her for dear life. She hooked her hands underneath his thighs and his bad leg hung uselessly to the side.

“You okay?”

“Please don't drop me. Whatever you do don't drop me.”

She laughed. “Trust me, okay?”

Oikawa whimpered in response.

It took a little bit to get used to his weight as well as how fast she could go without hurting him. It wasn't too fast but at least they were moving.

Oikawa tried his best to not lean against her. He really did. But she was so warm, so familiar, so comforting. He had never felt so relaxed around anyone else. He slumped a little closer to her, feeling her strong back muscles against his chest.

“Iwa-chan is so strong,” he said distractedly. “I like that. Keep that up.”

“You done embarrassing the both of us, Assikawa?” Iwa-chan shot back. “Don't make me drop you.”

“Iwa-chan is mean but not that mean.”

“Don't try me.”

“Already am~”

As they walked out of the building it occurred to Oikawa that he had no idea how she had even gotten here. Had she come by bus? Would they have to go on a bus? Would a bus even drop them off at the hospital?

He voiced his concerns to Iwa-chan, who only laughed. “My mom is here.”

“Your mom?”

“Would you prefer you parents?”

“Iwa-chan, your mom is the best. Never let her go.” She snorted but continued to her journey to her mother's car.

Just like she said, Iwaizumi-san was at the school entrance, leaning against the car. She looked up at the two teenagers, startled to see Oikawa draped on her daughter's back.

“Hajime!” she exclaimed, rushing up to them. “You don't need to carry him! He's heavy!”

“It's fine, mom,” said Iwa-chan, shaking her head. “Just open the door and I'll drop him off in there.”

“Don't hurt yourselves,” Iwaizumi-san said nervously, opening the car door. “Let me help you put him in.”

“Don't worry, I got it.” With great care Iwa-chan deposited Oikawa in the backseat of the car. “Sorry, I can't have you sitting you normally. You'll hurt yourself more. Lay down across the seat.” Oikawa obeyed, cushioning his head on the window.

“I'm trusting you,” he said.

“And you'll be glad you did. What did you bring?”

“Just my bag. I think I left my school uniform in the locker room though. I didn't lock it up so you should be able to get in.” Iwa-chan nodded and speed off.

Oikawa spent the time it took for Iwa-chan to gather his things explaining to Iwaizumi-san what had happened.

“Your parents don't know? Why didn't you call them? I mean, I'm honored that you chose to speak with Hajime about the issue but not telling your parents-”

“They wouldn't care that much. They'd yell at me and then tell me that it can't be that bad. They like the fact that I play volleyball, but they don't like it as much as do. Devoting my time to a sport that I'm not even sure that I can go pro in instead of studying rubs them the wrong way.” He shrugged.

“Hajime tells me that you can go pro.”

“She's my best friend. She's supposed to support my crazy dreams and then console me when it doesn't work out.”

“No, she doesn't have to. But she does.”

Oikawa opened his mouth to rebuke her words, but Iwa-chan came around then and the words died on his lips.

“Is this it?” she asked, holding up Oikawa's bag.

“Yeah, that's all. Thank you, Iwa-chan.”

Iwa-chan opened the trunk. “Well, I'd say it's not a problem but-”

“Don't make me feel worse that I already do,” groaned Oikawa.

“This is what you get for hurting yourself, Trashykawa,” she said, slamming the trunk.

“Hajime!” Iwaizumi-san scolded her as Iwa-chan slid in the passenger's seat. “Don't call him such things! Tooru-kun, why do you let her call you such mean things?”

“You see, after being friends with her for a long time I've come to the conclusion that Iwa-chan shows her affection by bullying her friends.”

Iwaizumi-san sends her daughter a scandalized look and Iwa-chan simply shrugged. “Well, I mean, he's not wrong," Iwa-chan said.

Iwaizumi-san sighed then turned on the ignition.

The ride to the hospital was quiet, but that was okay. It was a comfortable silence, one that he wouldn't have had with his parents. Iwaizumi-san had always been much more relaxed about things than Oikawa's parents and she treated him more like an adult who occasionally made dumb decisions. But she never asked him why he had allowed himself to get hurt. She only accepted it and did what she could to get him back on track.

Oikawa's head lolled over to the side, his skull feeling the vibrations of the car through the glass.

“Do you need a pillow or something?” Iwa-chan asked, glancing back at him.

“M'fine,” Oikawa answered. “You've done enough.”

Iwa-chan bit her lip. “Are you sure? That's gotta be uncomfortable.”

“I'll manage, Iwa-chan. I'm not made of glass.”

She sighed. “Sometimes I feel like you are.”

Oikawa blinked but before he could ask her about it Iwaizumi-san announced, “We're here!” Oikawa watched at the hospital came to view, gradually growing bigger and more terrifying. Iwaizumi-san pulled her car into the parking lot and parked close to the entrance.

“Stay right here,” Iwaizumi-san said, getting out of the car.

“Don't plan on going anywhere~” Oikawa called as he watched her go.

Oikawa wasn't sure how long it took for the medics to get to him. He isn't sure what kinds of check-ups he took either. The questions, who asked him those questions. He couldn't even understand exactly what had happened to his knee. The only thing he remembered was the sinking feeling in his gut when he was told that his parents would not come to pick him up.

“Tooru, sweetie, I don't know why you got into this mess in the first place. Your father and I are very busy. Mako is coming over soon! I don't understand why you would do something so reckless when your sister is coming in a few days. You won't be able to enjoy her visit as much!” said his mother.

“Preparing the house for Mako is taking up all our time. I'm sorry, Tooru. We really do want to go but… Hey, the Iwaizumis are with you, right? They can take you home, right? If not I could send one of my co-workers to get you,” his father said.

 _Your son is hurt and neither of you bother to pick him up?_ Thought Oikawa glumly.

But all he said was, “Okay.”

“We love you, Tooru.”

“Love you too.”

_Click._

Oikawa looked up at Iwa-chan, who sat in the chair next to him.

“Is everything alright?” she asked.

“Just grand,” Oikawa muttered, tapping away on his phone. “Wonderful. My parents love me so much.”

Iwa-chan frowned. “I don't understand.”

“They're not picking me up.”

It was quiet for a few heartbeats. Then Iwa-chan slammed her hand against the armrest and leaned in close, hissing, “What do you mean your parents aren't going to come a get you?”

Oikawa looked away, unnerved by the fury in her eyes. “They're getting the house ready because Mako is coming over in a few days.”

“But you're the hospital?! You're hurt?!” she exclaimed.

Oikawa shrugged. “They have always liked Mako better. She was a better student, didn't do risky things like I did. I mean, they love me, they really do, but in their eye… I'm second best. They think it's subtle but...”

“Oh my-what the fuck is wrong with them?!”

Oikawa glared at her. “ _Don't_ talk about my parents like that. Besides, I'm used to it.”

“Are you really?”

Oikawa smiled. “I mean, it would have bothered me more if I didn't have such a good best friend.”

Iwa-chan groaned and buried her face in hands as Oikawa cackled in glee. “You're so embarrassing, so embarrassing.”

Oikawa quieted down after a while. He rested his head on Iwa-chan's shoulder and she started to play with his curls, twisting them and untwisting them with her finger. Oikawa heard her whisper something but he was so far gone that it didn't register it. He closed his eyes and breathed in her familiar scent and melted into her comfortable warmth.

He felt Iwaizumi-san come over and heard the heated discussion they had, but he couldn't make out what they were so upset about. Everything was going to be okay; Iwa-chan was here. So long as Iwa-chan was by his side nothing bad could ever happen.

“We're taking you home, okay?” Iwa-chan mummered in his ear.

“That's fine,” he answered back drowsily. “As long as you're with me everything is going to be fine.”

He heard her sigh. “Embarrassing and terrifyingly honest. I hate that.”

“No,” Oikawa said, half-awake and half-asleep. “You love that. You love me. Me, me, me.”

“Are you sleepy or drugged?”

“Sleepy…”

“I figured.”

A pause.

“Iwa-chan?” he asked.

“Hm?” she answered, taking a particular interest at the curl at the top of his head.

“You'll never leave me, right?” he asked. “You-you won't abandon me or make me feel worthless, right? You'll be there for me always, right?”

He's not sure why these feelings hit him. He blamed it on his parents leaving him alone. He just needed to hear from her mouth that she would be watching his back forever, stay his best friend forever. The thought of not having her in his life made his insides twist painfully and eyes prick with tears. He needed to hear from her mouth, in her own words, that she would stay there.

“Dumbass,” Iwa-chan scolded affectionately. “Why would I ever leave? I need you as much as you need me.”

“You… need me?” he asked, unsure of how to deal with this new information.

“Don't sound so surprised. Yeah, maybe you end up in more trouble than I do and I have to drag you out of it. Sure, you're more emotional and bound to lean on me more. I suppose to the outside person it looks like I'm the one carrying the weight of our relationship. But you've always been there for me. At the end of the day you're always the person I go to and the person that always helps me back up on my feet. If it weren't for you standing by me I wouldn't be able to stand for you.”

“And you say I'm embarrassing,” Oikawa grumbled, blushing.

Iwa-chan laughed. “I'm allowed to sappy and emotional sometimes.”

“That's not your role though. That's mine.”

“Don't worry, after today everything will go back to normal.”

“And you'll stay with me forever?”

She smiled at him. “I'll stay with you forever.”

 

 

\---

 

Yoshida and Iwa-chan broke up a few days before school ended.

And it wasn't a nice break-up either.

No, no.

It was messy, painful, and loud.

Later on a lot of people would ask Oikawa what had happened and all he could do was shrug and smile apologetically.

“No one is more surprised than me,” he answered honestly.

And it was true. The last thing that Oikawa ever would have expected was for Yoshida and Iwa-chan to break-up. He hated to admit it but they were a cute couple with a perfectly good, stable relationship.

At least, that's what he thought.

It happened during lunch. Iwa-chan had been visiting Oikawa's room, mostly because he brought her bento box to school.

“Thanks,” she said, unwrapping the box. “I'll go over your house today to thank your mom.”

“Don't sweat it,” said Oikawa, unwrapping his own. “So long as you take care of me my mom doesn't need your thanks.”

Iwa-chan laughed at this. She pulled over a chair and sat down, sharing Oikawa's desk with him.

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “What? No hanging out with your boyfriend today?” he teased.

Iwa-chan rolled her eyes and sighed. “No, not today. Ahkito and I haven't been on the best terms lately.”

Now this is news to Oikawa. He tapped his chopsticks on the box and frowned at his food. “Trouble in paradise?”

“We've been getting into a lot of fights. Kind of tiring and it's almost always about the same old stupid bull-” she paused and shook her head. “It's nothing, don't worry about it.”

“I can't believe you're having relationship problems,” Oikawa said.

“Like you can say anything about that,” she retorted.

“At least I came clean about it when I was asked,” he answered dryly. She only glared at him. “But, anyways, if you want to talk about it-”

“Hajime.”

Oikawa and Iwa-chan looked up. At the door stood Yoshida, who looked nothing short of pissed off.

“Fuck,” Iwa-chan swore under her breath, turning around to face him. “What do you want?” she called back.

By now all other activities have ceased in favor of watching this new drama unfold. A few people shot Oikawa pitying looks. Oikawa could only sink down in his seat in hopes of dodging the worst blows.

“I knew I'd find you here,” Yoshida said coldly, taking a step into the classroom. “With him.”

Iwa-chan's eye twitched.

“What do you want?” she repeated through gritted teeth. “And leave Oikawa out of this.”

“Leave him out of this?” Yoshida inquired, eyes sparkling with mirth.

Oikawa suddenly understood why Yoshida had been doing such a lousy job at practice those days. His fight was Iwa-chan was affecting the way he viewed Oikawa. Oikawa had to put a stop to his. He rose out of his seat and carefully walked towards Yoshida.

“What the hell are you doing?” Iwa-chan hissed, grabbing the back of Oikawa's shirt. “Get down!”

“Yoshida-kun,” Oikawa said. “I don't understand why you two are fighting but I do understand that it happens. How about we talk about this somewhere more private? Settle our differences peacefully?” Oikawa held up his hands in a placating manner. “I'm sure that Iwa-chan would like to do this somewhere else as well. How about it? If you need me I'll tag along or I'll leave you two alone. Let's not fight here, okay?” He gave Yoshida his most stunning smile.

“Shut the fuck up, Shittykawa,” Yoshida snapped.

Oikawa dropped his hands, his blood running cold.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL HIM?!” roared Iwa-chan, shoving Oikawa aside and storming up to Yoshida. “WHO THE FUCK TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULD CALL HIM THAT?!”

“You use it all the time!” Yoshida exclaimed. “And he's always calling you Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan this and Iwa-chan that!”

“Shittykawa” said Iwa-chan in a dangerous voice, “is a nickname that only I can use.”

“Hey, hey,” said Oikawa weakly, trying to approach them. “Let's not-”

“Oikawa, sit the fuck down or get out of here,” snapped Iwa-chan, not taking her eyes off of Yoshida.

“No, let him come! You'd like that, wouldn't you? Because Oikawa's the best?” Yoshida sneered.

Oikawa blinked, panic levels rising. Oh no, this was not good, not good at all. The relationship that Iwa-chan cherished, the person that she loved-no, no he had to try and save it!

“Guys, please,” he begged. “Just stop. How about we-”

Yoshida turned over to Oikawa, a wicked smile on face. “We? How cute, Oikawa.”

“ _Don't_ pick a fight with him. I'm the one you're after,” Iwa-chan growled, yanking Yoshida away and forcing him to face her.

“Iwa-chan, huh? Sounds pretty cute. So flirty and playful,” Yoshida spat. “So cute that you guys have pet names for each other.”

“What the fuck has gotten into you?” she exclaimed, gripping his collar and yanking him down so that they were on eye-level. “I don't understand-”

“You two really shouldn't-” Oikawa started

“OIKAWA, FUCKING SIT DOWN OR LEAVE.” Iwa-chan commanded.

“No cute pet names? So tragic,” Yoshida cooed.

“Ahkito, I'm warning you-”

“Really, this is so dumb, you really should just-” Oikawa said

“You can suck my ass, Hajime. Or do you like Iwa-chan better?” Yoshida drawled.

“You know that I will punch you so hard that you will fly up to the moon-”

Yoshida sneered. “How violent! You always-”

“You need to get the fuck outta my sight, Ahkito,” she growled.

“For what reason? So that you can hang out with Assikawa over here?” he asked, jerking his head in Oikawa's direction. The setter felt dizzy.

“THAT'S IT! GET LOST! I DON'T WANT YOU SEE YOUR FACE HERE!” Iwa-chan roared. People in the room shuffled towards the wall, ready for the impact.

Yoshida laughed. “What? Suddenly I'm the bad guy? Oh, you had this coming, Hajime. You've had this coming for a long time-”

“Don't call me Hajime,” Iwa-chan snapped. “You're not allowed to call me Hajime anymore.”

“Fine! Don't call me Ahkito!”

“That can be arranged,” she replied coldly.

“Oh my fucking-you know what? I'm done. So done. So done with you and your drama!” He exclaimed.

“Oh, what are you going to do?! Break up with me?!” Iwa-chan asked, hysterical.

“YEAH, I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU.”

The room let out a collective gasp as Iwa-chan stared at Yoshida, shell-shocked. She opened her mouth, moved it, but no words came out. Oikawa was a good ways away from her but he could see the way her mouth twitched, the slight way her face crumpled.

“Okay,” she said.

“Okay,” he said back. “Okay.” He tore his eyes away from Iwa-chan and looked around the room at all of the students that stared back at him. “Okay. Goodbye.” He turned around and marched to the door but not before throwing a condescending, “Iwa-chan,” over his shoulder. The door slid closed and the room was engulfed in terrifying silence.

Oikawa was the first move, gently taking Iwa-chan's hand and tugging her to the desk. She followed him, eyes on the floor. He pulled the chair out for her, helped her settle in.

“I'll ask mom to make you agedashi tofu tomorrow, okay?” he said. “For now eat this.” She nodded and obediently picked up her chopsticks and ate. Oikawa's stomach churned as he watched her. She seemed so brittle and fragile. It's a miracle that she hadn't started crying yet. Oikawa pointedly stared at the others in the room, silently urging them to continue whatever they were doing before the commotion had started. One by one people went back to their conversations. Their voices were hushed and their eyes wandered to Iwa-chan. Oikawa blocked them out. He'd find out about what they said later. For now his top priority was to make sure that Iwa-chan was okay.

He lead her to her classroom when bell rang. Fussed over her until she bat him away and reminded him that he had to get to class as well. He did so reluctantly and was welcomed by his classmates with reassuring pats on his back and gentle words. Oikawa didn't understand why such things were directed at him when Iwa-chan was the one who was suffering.

He couldn't pay attention in class for the rest of the day. Nobody blamed him. The whole class collectively did their best to make sure that their teachers wouldn't bother Oikawa. Some girl even gave him all her notes at the end of homeroom.

“I noticed that you didn't pick up your pen once,” she told him as Oikawa shifted through the papers. “You're usually a good student too.”

“Thank you,” he croaked out, flashing her a grateful smile. “This really means a lot to me.”

She extended her hand to him. “Oshiro Kagome.”

He grinned and took her hand. “Oikawa Tooru. Thank you again for the notes! I'll make it up to you!”

“Tell Hanamaki Takahiro that he has a fan and you're set,” she replied, laughing.

“Ooo, Makki-chan has a secret admirer? How quaint. I'll be sure to tell him. Invite me to the wedding!”

“You'll be the first on the list.” They laughed at their silliness and parted ways, Oikawa to volleyball and Kagome to soccer.

Volleyball practice was hell. Yoshida was totally unhelpful and kept giving Oikawa the stink-eye. At one point Oikawa got so fed up with him that he purposely hit Yoshida on the back of his with a jump serve.

“Oopsies,” Oikawa drawled as Yoshida glared at him. “Sorry, Yoshi-chan.”

“Yoshi-chan?” asked Matsukawa as Hanamaki laughed in the background.

Coach had to pull them off to the side and scold them for their childish behavior.

“I expect better from both of you. Whatever it is that is going on between you two it stays off of the court, okay? You're practically third-years now. The last thing I need is for you to be fighting.”

They nodded and apologized for interrupting practice but the tension never left. How could it when Oikawa barely gave Yoshida any tosses and Yoshida criticized the ones that he did get? The worst was that coach was looking at Oikawa like it was all _his_ fault too.

“Why do you two have beef? I thought you were friends?” asked Hanamaki once practice was over. The three of them had changed into their uniforms and were waiting for Iwa-chan at the front entrance.

“Yoshida broke up with Iwa-chan in front of my whole class today,” said Oikawa, voice dripping in bitterness.

Matsukawa whistled. “What a dick move. I feel pretty bad for her.”

“Isn't that good for you though?” inquired Hanamaki absent-mindlessly. “This means that you can date her, right?”

“Not like this,” said Oikawa, shaking his head. “I wanted to break-up on good terms or not break-up at all.”

“Not break-up at all? Masochist,” said Matsunkawa.

“Masochistic tendencies,” corrected Hanamaki, sighing. “But what's done is done. Now is as good a chance you'll ever get.”

“I need to prove to her that I am capable of having a long-term and stable relationship.”

“This guy's a total masochist,” muttered Matsunkawa.

“I'm inclined to agree now...” said Hanamaki.

“Mean! Both of you!”

“Hey, guys,” came a voice behind them. They turn around to face Iwa-chan, who looked tired and dead.

“You've looked better,” commented Hanamaki.

“So have you,” she retorted. “Guess we're both ugly.”

“Ouch. Hanamaki, will you ever recover from that sick burn?” asked Matsukawa.

“I've heard worse,” replied Matsunkawa, shrugging.

“How was practice?” asked Oikawa.

“It was hell. Let's not talk about it. I want to go home.”

“Pushy,” said Oikawa but he started to walk in the direction of home anyways. “Night, Matsun and Makki-chan!”

“Good night!” They called back, waving at them.

Once they were a good distance away, Oikawa turned to Iwa-chan. “How are you?”

“Not right now,” she pleaded. “At home.”

Oikawa nodded. He took her hand and squeezed it, trying to tell her that he was there for her, will always be there for her. She didn't react visibly, but her hands wrapped around his a little tighter. They got to her house, walking hand-in-hand. Iwaizumi-san greeted them at the door. She zeroed in on their intertwined hands but Oikawa's grim look dissuaded her from asking about the situation.

“We're going to my room,” Iwa-chan said, toeing off her shoes. Oikawa followed her in suit.

“Dinner will be ready in a few,” said Iwaizumi-san as the two teenagers trudged up the stairs. They nodded before disappearing into Iwa-chan's bedroom. Iwa-chan closed the door, engulfing the room in darkness. Oikawa shuffled around until he found her bed. He plopped down on it and opened his arms.

“You're safe now. Come here.”

She tottered over to him and fell into his arms, curling up into a ball. Oikawa scooched into the bed until his back hit the headboard. He shifted her in his arms so that her head would rest on his chest, next to his heart. He drew comforting circles on her arm with his thumb and pressed his lips to her forehead.

“I can't believe it,” she said, voice watery and quavery. “I knew that things were going down to shit but-”

“Shh,” shushed Oikawa. Iwa-chan buried her face in the crook of his neck and sobbed. Oikawa let her cry her heart out. He rubbed her back and whispered soothing words in her ears while trying to make sense of her incoherent babbling. His shirt was soaked with her tears, soaked beyond compare. It pained him to see her like this, so broken and sad. Iwa-chan should never be like this. She didn't deserve to be like this.

His worry for his friend slowly morphed into anger at Yoshida.

 _Fuck_ that guy. Oikawa knew that relationships weren't perfect, that Iwa-chan wasn't perfect and that they were struggling but did he really have to break it off like that? In front of everyone? Why hell had he been so cruel to her? To them? If he was jealous about her spending time with him Oikawa would have preferred to have settled it down quietly. Iwa-chan didn't deserve this drama.

“I thought he loved me,” she choked out in between sobs.

“He probably did,” answered Oikawa, cupping her face and wiping her tears away with his thumb. “He cared about you a lot. I'm sorry that it had to end like this.”

“I gave him everything,” she said quietly, gripping Oikawa's shirt.

“I'm sure you did,” said Oikawa. “You've always been someone to give it your all.”

“No, no, Oikawa, you don't understand.”

“I do understand,” he insisted. “You gave him your heart and he broke it in two.”

“Oh god, Tooru, I slept with him.”

A record scratched inside Oikawa's head. “I'm sorry, what?”

She rubbed her eyes, tears coming in thick and heavy. “I slept with him. Multiple times.”

Something in Oikawa's chest snapped. He pulled back and stared at her.

He had-she had-they had…?

Iwa-chan's face crumpled ever more. “You think I'm dirty now, don't you? For having slept with someone when I'm so young...”

“No, no. Iwa-chan! I don't think you're dirty! I'm happy that you feel comfortable enough with me to tell me about this!” He pressed her closed to him and she sniffed into his chest. He could deal with his jealousy and white-hot anger at Yoshida later; Iwa-chan had priority right now.

“H-he told me that he wouldn't tell anyone but n-now that w-we bro-broke up what if he does? I can't ha-have people thinking that I'm e-easy!”

“No one will think that you're easy! Honestly, Iwa-chan...”

“You think I'm easy," she sniffled.

“I do not think you're easy. You did it because you loved him. I have no say in whatever you do and I respect your choice. Now, if Yoshida says a word about it, I'll beat his sorry ass.”

“You can't throw a punch to save your life,” Iwa-chan said, a small smile on her lips. It was hard to see in the dark but she looked so beautiful. Oikawa could visualize the tear streaks on her cheeks the redness of her nose and eyes. She wasn't a pretty crier but she certainly was better than Oikawa was.

Oikawa doesn't know what made him tip forward, what desire had pushed him. But he did.

Oikawa isn't sure what made Iwa-chan tilt her head up. But she did.

Oikawa couldn't tell what possessed him to lean down and kiss her. But he did.

He wouldn't be able to tell you why the chaste kiss felt so perfect. But it did.

Iwa-chan didn't have soft lips. They were rough and chapped. But that's okay. That's okay because they were Iwa-chan's lips and Iwa-chan's lips could be however they liked and Oikawa would still love them. They were salty from her tears, but then again, that was okay. Oikawa didn't mind them. They were her's and he would treasure them.

He drew back slowly, trying to savor the taste of her lips on his. He had closed his eyes at some point and they now fluttered open, intently watching her reaction. She had closed her eyes as well, opening them soon after he did. They stared at each other, breathing shallow and labored.

“I'd do anything for you,” he said.

“I know,” she answered softly. She curled up against him again, head laying on his chest. Oikawa's hand flew up and he carded his fingers through her hair.

Since when did he become so much bigger than her? Since when had she been able to fit so perfectly in his arms? How long had it been since he had been the one supporting her, not the other way around?

Neither of them acknowledge the kiss, something that Oikawa is infinitely thankful for. He hadn't meant to do it, even if head had spent years daydreaming about it. Now was the wrong time for him to confess his feelings for her. Hopefully she'll play if it off as Oikawa seeing her as weak and wanting to comfort her.

They stay in the quiet and darkness of the room until Iwaizumi-san called them down for dinner. They untangle their limbs and hop off the bed.

“You're going to be okay,” he told her.

“I know," she said.

“As long as I'm here-”

“-I'll be fine.” Iwa-chan looked up at him, giving him a small smile. “I know.”

What confidence in his abilities. He couldn't help but smile at her in return.

Dinner is quiet and uneventful. They recount to Iwaizumi-san what had happened, ugly break-up included. Iwaizumi-san had frowned and given her condolences to her daughter. She then thanked Oikawa for being there next to her. Other than that, it was a normal dinner at the Iwaizumi's. It filled Oikawa up with glee that even in such a shit-storm of a day there was at least one normal thing to lean on.

However, as soon as Oikawa went home, any shred of happiness in him evaporated.

Yoshida.

This was all his fault. He was the reason she was hurting. Oikawa had trusted him. _Iwa-chan_ had trusted him. Iwa-chan had really given him everything. And this was how he repaid her? By breaking up with her in such a foul, lowly way? And direct his hate not only at her, but at him as well?

It was a fitful night for Oikawa, full of tossing and turning and whispered curses. There was no respite in sleep either, as his dreams were dark and hazy.

However, when Oikawa woke up the next morning he felt eerily calm, a complete contrast from the simmering anger he felt the night before. His mind was clear and he knew exactly what he was going to do.

He acted like he would any other day, humming to himself cheerily. He put on his uniform, packed his practice bag, smiled during breakfast. He waited for Iwa-chan at their usual spot, chattered to her endless about something that he read on the internet. She rolled her eyes and called him names. He then proceeded to annoy her the whole way to school until they parted ways to their shoe lockers. You know, the usual.

However, once Oikawa had slipped on the school shoes something changed. He straightened his back and carefully closed the locker, his mind on autopilot. He allowed his feet to carry him wherever they pleased and soon found himself in front of Yoshida's homeroom.

For a split second he wondered why he was there. What he was about to do wasn't a good idea. It was a horrible idea and Oikawa knew that he would feel bad about it the next day. But then he remembered the way Iwa-chan's body shook as she cried and his resolve hardened.

He slid the door open and glanced inside. The majority of people where already there, huddled into little groups and talking quietly among themselves.

Perfect.

An audience was nice.

A guy was the first to notice him. He waved his friends on and sauntered over to Oikawa. “Can I help you?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. Could you get Yoshida Ahkito out here please? I have something to tell him.”

“Yoshida-san?” the boy squinted.

Oikawa hummed. “It's pretty important that he hears what I have to say.”

The guy hesitated, wavering between not getting Yoshida or getting him. In the end he turned around and went over to a couple desks in the back of the room. He conversed with the group for a while, pointing at Oikawa. It took a while but Yoshida finally got up and made his way to Oikawa, eyeing him warily.

“Yoshida-kun!” Oikawa said, beaming. “I was thinking that I was going to have to go in there and drag you out myself!” Oikawa laughed and Yoshida shifted uncomfortably.

“Oikawa-kun,” he began, but Oikawa cut him off.

“Come outside. I don't want all these people eavesdropping on us. Last thing we need are nasty rumors, hm?”

Yoshida stepped out of the classroom, closing the door behind him. He turned to Oikawa, looking distinctly sick. “I-I know what this is about.”

“Really? I think that you'll be surprised.”

“This is about Haji-Iwaizumi-chan, isn't it?”

Oikawa blinked then threw his head back, laughing. A couple of people started to stare at them. That was good. That's what he wanted. “Iwa-chan? It might be. Why? Feel a little guilty?”

“I felt guilty the instant the words came out of my mouth. Listen, Oikawa-kun, what I did was messed up and I'm really sorry, okay? I did-I don't know what came over me. I promise that I'll make it up to-”

“Make it up?” said Oikawa coldly. Yoshida gulped. “You embarrass all three of us in front of my class and you want to make it up?”

“I understand that-”

“Iwa-chan didn't tell me what the problem was. She only confessed that you were having problems. I understand that. I've had plenty of issues myself.” Oikawa gave him a sweetly sick smile. “However, what I can't wrap my head around is the fact that you dealt with those issues in such a childish manner. You wouldn't know that you were going to be a third year in a few months.” Oikawa inspected his nails and Yoshida squirmed on the spot.

“I trust you a lot, you know? Well, I think that trusted is the correct term now. Anyways, I took it to heart that you would never do something to intentional hurt Iwa-chan. “ Oikawa shrugged. “Guess I was wrong.”

“I didn't mean it, I swear.”

“Don't lie to me, Yoshida-kun,” said Oikawa, tsking loudly. “You've already pulled a dick move. No need to try and hide it.”

“Listen to me-”

“No, you listen to me.” Everyone in the hallway was looking at them, edging further away from the storm that was about to be unleashed. “When you told me that you were going to ask out my best friend, the most important person in the world to me, I trusted you to take care of her. You hadn't disappointed me until now when you not dumped in front of a whole classroom but insulted me as well.”

“I'm sorry-” Yoshida choked.

“Well, I don't you think you deserve forgiveness.”

“What do mean by-”

_CRACK_

Everything was dead silent as Yoshida staggered backwards and fell on his ass, clutching his jaw and wincing in pain.

“Oikawa, what the fuck-” Yoshida gasped.

Oikawa's knuckles hurt from the blow and bruises were already starting to blossom. But he didn't care. He had done what he had come to do.

“That,” Oikawa hissed, grinding the heel of shoe into Yoshida's stomach, the other boy crying in pain, “is what you get for breaking her heart.”

Oikawa stepped back and surveyed his work, happy with the results. He spun around, smiling triumphantly. “Don't talk to Iwa-chan anymore, okay?~” he called over his shoulder, already starting to skip away.

But Yoshida wouldn't let him do that, oh no.

Next thing Oikawa knew he was on the ground, the floor right in his face. His mouth hurts from the impact of the fall but it's nothing compared to the weight on his back.

“Fucker,” Yoshida hissed in his ear.

“Bastard,” Oikawa shot back.

Yoshida flipped Oikawa over roughly and the world tipped and spun for the setter.

_SMACK_

Oikawa doesn't know if he heard or felt the slap first. His cheek exploded in pain and Oikawa registered the thought of _wow, this is why he's the next ace._ _My punch was weak compared to this._

“Don't lay your hands on me,” Yoshida said, voice spitting venom.

“You don't break someone's heart like that,” Oikawa snapped.

_SMACK_

Oikawa sure that Yoshida has slapped the senses out of him because his entire left side felt numb. Oikawa could already see the red imprint of the other's hand on his cheek.

 _Why did I even start this?_ He thought desperately, trying to focus in on Yoshida's face and make sense of the blurriness. _I don't fight. I can't beat th_ _is_ _guy._

 _But you don't have to beat him_ , a voice inside his head told him. _Just rough him up enough to know that if you go down, you go down kicking and screaming._

His arms aren't being pinned down, a careless mistake. It's so obvious that neither of them have any training in fighting. Oikawa couldn't see straight, so he just threw his fist hoped to make contact.

_CRACK_

Another solid contact to the jaw. Oikawa was impressed with himself.

The next minute is a blur of fists, legs, teeth, pain and blue, red, and purple. Oikawa was somewhat aware that he was screaming profanities at Yoshida and Yoshida at him. However, at point, all Oikawa could see was the white-hot anger in him spilling through his fists and feeling of emptying out all his hatred at the source of his problems.

The hallway went into a frenzy. Students screaming and running around, some watching in mild horror and fascination. Oikawa Tooru and Yoshida Ahkito fighting with each other in such an intense brawl was a once in a lifetime experience! They had to watch!

Teachers spilled out of their rooms, trying to break up the rambunctious crowd and fight. They pushed through the bodies, barking out orders and calming people down. Oikawa is yanked to the side and screamed at.

“WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?!” a teacher yelled at Oikawa.

Oikawa was unable to form any coherent thoughts and instead laughed. He could feel blood dripping down his nose and his right eye _ached_ but he didn't care. Not when Yoshida was being pinned down as well in an equally disheveled state. 

“Unbelievable,” came the whispers of the adults.

“They're both such good students-”

“What a horrible thing to happen-”

“Who knows why this started?”

Oikawa and Yoshida were dragged down to the nurse's office to get patched up. The look of horror on the nurse's face when she saw them come in would stay with Oikawa until the end of time. She placed them on opposite sides of the room, instructing teachers to stay and monitor them.

“Last thing I need is more bruises on these two boys,” she muttered, dabbed Oikawa's nose with an antiseptic wipe. Oikawa winced in pain and tried to squirm away but the nurse pinned him down. “Children these days! What on earth made you think that this was a good idea? I'm disappointed in you, Oikawa-kun. I thought you knew better.”

“I know,” said Oikawa, grimacing as she started to wipe a cut on his cheek. “I'm sorry.”

The nurse sighed. “I'm just worried about what the principal will do.”

Oh, that's right.

 _The principal is going to kill me._ And then, as an after thought, _my parents are going to kill me._

This was a horrible idea, wasn't it?

However, that didn't stop the fire in his belly and the sick pleasure that filled him up when he saw Yoshida again, this time with bandages.

“I think you dislocated my jaw,” Yoshida grumbled, pressing the ice pack against the ugly bruise on his chin.

“I should have knocked it out,” replied Oikawa. Yoshida hissed at him as they were escorted down to the main office. They sat down in chairs and were told to wait. Oikawa wanted to laugh in their face.

Wait? What else could they do? Prance around the school?

Oikawa had never liked the main office. It was too white and clinical-looking for him. He felt that he was more like a cancer patient waiting for the final diagnosis than a student waiting for the principal. The stern glares that the secretaries kept sending him and their high buns didn't help either.

Finally, after what seemed like a century, they were walked down to the principal's office. They sat down in front of her desk, a teacher on either side of them. In between them was one other chair. The principal sat directly in front of them.

“Good morning, Kamiki-sama,” they said in unison.

She frowned at them, scrutinizing their disheveled state. “What a surprise to see you two here. Most of the time I'm congratulating you. Frankly, I'm highly disappointed.”

Oikawa should be feeling something. On most days one of his worst nightmares was hearing people say that they were disappointed in him. However, today, he felt a sort of hollowness at the words, completely unaffected.

“I'm sorry,” Oikawa apologized. “I started the fight.”

“I'm sorry. I continued the fight,” Yoshida added.

She narrowed her eyes at them. “Your confessions are good and all but we need another student to come in and tell us about what happened. In order to solve your issues we need to get to the source of the problem, right?”

Oikawa felt something tingle at the back of his mind, but he didn't pay much heed to it. “Yes.”

“You're right,” agreed Yoshida.

Kamiki-san nodded, satisfied with their answers.

“Kamiki-sama, the student is arriving,” said one of the teachers, poking his head into the office.

The principal waved a hand. “Tell her to come straight in.”

Oikawa and Yoshida shared terrified glances at each other.

Her? Could it be? Were the gods so cruel that they were going to bring in-

“Iwaizumi Hajime,”the principal drawled as Iwa-chan walked in. Yoshida and Oikawa turned around and looked at her in panic. Iwa-chan blinked at them, her face twisting into something between disgust and anger. “Please, take a seat.” Iwa-chan did, quickly and without sparing a glance in either Yoshida or Oikawa's direction.

Oikawa shrunk into his seat, wanting the chair to swallow him and save him from the wrath of the two females in the room.

“Kamiki-sama, why did you call me down here? You seem to have the situation under control,” said Iwa-chan casually.

Oikawa thought that a lightening bolt would be good around now. Where was an angry sky god that loved to smite down mortals when you needed one?

“Iwaizumi-chan, do you think that you can tell me possibly why these two were fighting? A number of students made it very clear that you might know the reason.”

“I don't know why they started to fight. In all honesty it's the most ridiculous thing I have seen them do.”

Was there a construction god? Oikawa would gladly like for the ceiling to cave in and bury him and his stupidity.

“What is your relationship with them?”

Iwa-chan then went on the whole spiel, telling her about how long she had known the both of them, their relation to her, and how Yoshida broke up with her. All the while Kamiki-sama took down note on a little blue notebook with a little blue pen. Oikawa wondered what she was writing and constantly exchanged helpless looks with Yoshida and pleadingly looked at teachers.

When Iwa-chan was done recounting her story, the principal set her notes aside. “Iwaizumi-chan, before you arrived these two confessed to me. Oikawa was the one who started it but Yoshida was the one that continued it. Did you tell any of them to act this way?”

“Never,” she responded. “I never would have asked them to do such a thing. This is the second time in one week that I have people giving me looks of pity and it's all because of these two. It's a miracle that I haven't gotten gray hairs by now considering how much they stress me out.”

“I pity you, Iwaizumi-chan, for having to deal with knuckleheads like the ones here. You are dismissed. Thank you for your time.” Iwa-chan nodded, bowing at Kamiki-sama before leaving the room. Oikawa hated to admit it, but the only thing that he could pay attention to was the way that her skirt swished against her thighs.

“Now, you two,” Oikawa returned his gaze to the principal. “Up until this point neither of you have caused any trouble, so I'm hoping that this will be a one time thing. You are no longer little boys. You have to grow and become gentleman. Beating someone up is not the way a gentleman acts.” She sighed and thrummed her fingers against the desk.

"It won't happen again, I promise," said Yoshida, giving Oikawa a meaningful look. Oikawa nodded.

Kamiki-sama only frowned. “Usually fights like these lead to expulsions...” Oikawa choked, clutching his heart. He was going to get kicked out of school? Where would he go? What would he do? What would his parents say to this? “However, since I trust that you will not get into any more trouble for the next year or so, I'm leaving you off with a week of suspension.”

Suspension. Oikawa felt dizzy. He could have been expelled but instead was only getting suspended for a few days. Maybe there was a god looking after him.

“However, one more infraction and you're both out. Understood?”

“Yes, Kamiki-sama! Thank you!” said Oikawa and Yoshida in unison, standing up and bowing to her. Yoshida was the first to leave, a teacher escorting him. Before Oikawa took a step towards the door, the principal spoke up.

“Oikawa-kun, you do realize that you will the volleyball captain next year, right?”

Oikawa nodded. “Coach told me.”

“You realize that your infraction is even bigger because of that?”

“Yes, Kamiki-sama.”

She sighed, rubbing her nose. “Then why would you do it?”

“I-I don't have a response that you will like.”

She studied him and then nodded. “Fair enough. Out you go.” Oikawa bowed stiffly and left the room, trailed by a teacher. Back in the office Yoshida was at one of the secretaries desk, talking on the phone while Iwa-chan waited beside him. If you would could consider having to hold the phone away from your ear whilst your parent screamed at you talking on the phone.

Oikawa felt kinda bad for Yoshida.

Yoshida set the phone down with a _click_ and sighed loudly.

“Yikes. Sorry, man,” said Oikawa.

Yoshida shot him a withering look but otherwise did not comment.

“I wouldn't feel so worried about Yoshida-san,” said Iwa-chan, sliding in next to Oikawa. “I sent your mom a text about the situation and your ass is going to get kicked. Your dad is leaving work and everything.”

Oikawa's heart sank and Yoshida snickered. Iwa-chan sent him a glare and her ex-boyfriend shut up quickly.

“I'm taking the walk of shame with you, mostly because I know that if you were left alone you would leave the country,” she continued.

Oikawa laughed weakly. “I don't have a passport though. Although, I would swim the distance to Korea is I absolutely had too.”

“Because your weak knee and volleyball arms will surely help your journey,” she replied, rolling her eyes. However, Oikawa could see the ghost of a smile on her face so he didn't feel too bad. She grabbed his hand and dragged him out the door, waving good-bye to the secretaries. She ignored Yoshida.

“Good luck, Oikawa,” said Yoshida as Oikawa passed him. He didn't even look up to acknowledge Oikawa.

“You too,” said Oikawa, meaning it.

Before they walked out the door Oikawa chanced a glance back at Yoshida. He seemed small and… defeated. Yoshida looked up for a split second and the two boys stared at each other. Yoshida's eyes watered and he bowed his head, like a submissive knight. Oikawa could only blink in response.

The walk home was quiet and tense. Well, at least Oikawa felt tense. That was probably a side effect of having to face a set of furious parents. Oikawa let out a shaky breath and whined when he saw his dad's car.

“I'm dead,” he said.

“You're dead,” Iwa-chan agreed. “But I'll be right there to bury your corpse.”

“I'd rather you burn it and scatter my ashes all over the house so that I can annoy my parents even in the afterlife.”

Iwa-chan snorted and hid her grin behind her hand. “I actually wouldn't put that against you. Anyways, lets not delay the inevitable.” The walked up the porch, side-by-side, and she knocked the door. She gave his hand one last squeeze before the door flew open the reveal Oikawa's parents.

There is no reason to go too into detail about what happened. Lots of screaming and words that Oikawa heard but didn't understand. His dad stood on a table for a while, yelling at him. His mother shook him, almost slapped him. It was terrifying to say the least. If it hadn't been for Iwa-chan who was able to calm down not only him but his parents Oikawa was sure he really would have died.

Would Iwa-chan have come to the funeral?

After his parents had chewed him up and spit him out they went upstairs to his room. Iwa-chan ad Oikawa sat down on his bed, refusing to speak to each other. The green alien heads on the bed sheet seemed to mock him.

"Why?" She asked him finally, looking at him imploringly. "You aren't built for fighting," she said, thumb tracing the edge of his black eye. Oikawa shivered. "Leave that kind of thing to me."

"I was defending your honor," Oikawa croaked out, wanting to avoid her penetrating gaze and bask in her attention at the same time.

"I can do that myself just fine," she answered, now brushing her fingers against the bandage on his cheek.

"I know," Oikawa said quietly, feeling his eyes start to water. The events of the day started to catch up to him and he felt the weight of his stupidity crash down on him.

What the hell had he been thinking? Sure, Yoshida had been a dick but Oikawa looked like the bad guy in this situation. Yoshida had been pleading his case when Oikawa had punched him. What an idiot he was! What a child! All because he was pissed at Yoshida. How could he do this to Iwa-chan?

"I'm sorry," he choked out, the first tears spilling out. "I'm so, so sorry. You're probably so mad at me-"

"I'm not mad," she interrupted. She cupped his face with her hand, drawing soothing circles on his cheeks. "Irritated, yes, but not mad."

Oikawa felt his body go lax as he leaned into Iwa-chan's comforting touch. The more she stroked him the weaker he felt. It didn't take long for him to turn into putty in her hands. She tilted his head back, traced all the bruises on his face, and pulled him in closer to him, her breath fanning over his face.

Oikawa's lungs forgot how to work. His heart stuttered out of control and he felt color rise to his cheeks. It didn't help that his window was thrown open, not only failing to conceal his red cheeks but shrouding Iwa-chan in a halo of light. She might as well have come down from heaven itself.

And she must have. There was no other explanation for the wonderful person that she was.

"Hajime," he breathed out, loving the way her name rolled off of his tongue.

Oikawa watched as color rose to her cheeks, but she remained composed. "You shouldn't go around fighting people," she whispered, fingers running through his hair. "No need to ruin your pretty face."

Oikawa cracked a smile. "You think I'm pretty, Iwa-chan? How sweet of you."

Iwa-chan didn't have the energy to say something snarky back. "Yeah, you have a nice face."

Oikawa blushed, unsure of how to react to her honesty. "Thank you," he said bashfully.

She nodded slowly, seemingly drinking in his features. "It's no wonder you have so many girls hanging off your arms. Any luck with the girl of your dreams?"

Oikawa smiled softly. "None yet. But I'll get her someday."

Oikawa was unsure of what to make of Iwa-chan's expression. To anyone else it may have seemed neutral but Oikawa knew her better than that. She looked... Sad, confused, upset.

Before Oikawa could ask her what was wrong, Iwa-chan said, "You better."

Oikawa chuckled. "All I have to do is charm her with my good looks and great personality. It can't be too hard."

She looked down. "Yeah."

The silence that followed was tense and uncomfortable. Oikawa was treading on unknown territory here and he was freaking out. It only increased when she returned her gaze to him. It was like being swallowed up the night, dark and cold. It knocked the breath out of him.

She leaned in closer, too close, not close enough. Oikawa can't tell where she's looking at, her dark eyes not giving anything away. He squeezed his eyes shut. He felt her fingers light on his eye again, probably tracing his black eye. Suddenly he felt her breath there, heavy and shallow. He suppressed a shiver.

He felt something on his eyelid and it took him a few seconds to register that _holy shit, she was kissing his eye._

It was soft and gentle, not unlike the touches she had been giving him before. But at the same time it was something else.

This was something more special, more intimate. It started a fire in his belly and sent his heart racing.

Oikawa's about to float off to Cloud 9, disappear into whatever this wonderful feeling was, when she started to kiss the other bruises and bandages on his face.

He fucking _whimpered_ , clutching sheets to try and stay in touch with reality. He knew he was breathing heavily, tipping his face so that she had better access, acting so fucking needy. It was embarrassing and he was being totally uncool.

But he couldn't bring himself to _care_. Couldn't care less about how he was acting. Iwa-chan, his love, his stars, his world, his everything, _was kissing him._ Giving him sweet and gentle kisses all over his face, almost kissing away his pain.

Beating up Yoshida and getting suspended for a week was totally worth this.

She gave him one last kiss on his eye before pulling away and Oikawa already missed the warmth of her lips. His eyes fluttered open and his fixed his gaze on Iwa-chan.

"Some people say that kissing cuts and bruises makes them heal faster," she whispered.

"I-I can believe that," Oikawa responded in an equally quiet voice.

"Lay down," she ordered and Oikawa complied, head cushioned on his pillow. She laid down next to him so that they were face-to-face, noses touching. "Is this okay?" She asked.

 _No,_ Oikawa wanted to answer. _This isn't good. I feel like you're teasing me. You're so close yet so far. I can touch you but I can't_ touch _you._

"Yeah," he said instead. "This is okay."

"Thank you for everything, Tooru."

"You deserve nothing but the best, Hajime."

They fall asleep like this and when Oikawa woke up the next day to the sight of Iwa-chan right next to him, mouth open and drooling, he found himself confessing to her.

“I love you,” he blurted to her, to the dawn, and to the rising sun.

“I love you,” he said, as he watched her go to the school that day.

_I love you, Hajime._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love bittersweet things. :)
> 
> Also, I shit you not, Love Story by Taylor Swift started to play while I was writing the last scene and I totally lost it
> 
> Anyways, you can come and yell at me on tumblr @totally-not-addicted or you can talk to me on twitter @TNAhere so that we can discuss what a beautiful thing Iwaoi is. :3c
> 
> See you in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!!! :D
> 
> Welp, I'm back for the moment. School is finally on break so I finally found the time to finish editing this chapter and start a little with the next. And I don't even want to think about the other stories I have to update *sweats*
> 
> Well, anyways, to make up for this super long wait I have a super long chapter for you. Hope that you guys enjoy it and that you have a great holiday season!

_Hey, Oikawa-san, where are you going for college?_

Oikawa didn't know, didn't care. He was pretty sure that he would get a volleyball scholarship somewhere with good academics. He had very good grades and was a very talented player. He wasn't worried.

His parents, on the other hand, felt differently. Ever since Oikawa could remember his parents had constantly been on his case about college. The pressure only increased once his parents realized just how much of an academic genius his sister was. While they didn't dislike the fact that he played volleyball, they felt that he should put more time into his studies so that he could compete with his sister.

However, Oikawa knew that he would never be like her. How could he? She was already doing calculus at fourteen. He could never achieve her level of intelligence. He had to pave his path to victory another way. If only his parents would understand that.

"Look at this one, Tooru. It's a bit far, but it's among the best in the nation. You have the grades for it too!" His mother said over breakfast one day.

Oikawa rolled his eyes and poked his his food. "I know. You told me about only, like, three times."

"Tooru, just because you're going to college soon doesn't mean that you have the right to sass us," his father said seriously. "Your mother and I are very worried about what's in store for you."

"You never gave Mako this hard of a time with colleges," Oikawa grumbled, stabbing his eggs.

"Because Mako had a scholarship to one of the top ten universities in the country by the time she got into her 2nd year. You, on the other hand, are waiting for a college of such caliber to notice your volleyball skills, of all things! Give it up, Tooru," said his father.

"So supportive," muttered Oikawa moodily.

"I don't like this attitude of yours," said his mother, voice low and warning. "Honestly, you haven't been the same since you had that fight with Yoshida-kun."

 _Not this again,_ thought Oikawa glumly.

"I already apologized to both Yoshida and his parents. We are on good terms again. I made up the work I missed and kept my grades up. I scored the highest in my grade on the japanese, English, and Calculus exam. Plus I played a sport and did community service. Isn't that enough?"

"That fight is an ugly mark on your record. You're going to have to excel beyond that if you want any of those colleges to even think about having you as a student," his mother said.

"She's right," his father agreed.

Oikawa bit the inside of his cheek to refrain from spewing out insults at the both of them. "Then what do you suggest I do? Continue what I'm doing plus extra?"

"It's not that bad of a request, is it?" His father asked.

"Nah. It's not like I'm stressed out enough as it is!" snapped Oikawa.

"Tooru!" His mother exclaimed.

But Oikawa continued. "You're always telling me that it's for my own good. That you're doing this because you care. And I'm not saying that it's wrong but I'm being pushed to my limit! You want to do whatever you tell me to do, just as if I was-as if I was a child! And I'm not!"

"Tooru, being seventeen does not mean that-" his father began.

"And you expect me to do all of these things, as though my mental and physical health isn't as strained as it is-"

"What are you talking about-"

"-and did you know that I was named captain of the volleyball team this year? That's right! But you don't care, do you? Does it matter that I'm also participating in other clubs as well? Helping the community at least once a week? Teaching younger kids how to play the sport I love? NO! You don't care! All you want me to do is whatever you say because you think that you know best! But guess what?! You don't! Not this time!" He shoved his plate away and twirled out of his seat, marching to the door.

"And where the hell do you think you're going!?" His father roared, standing up and knocking his chair down, tightly clutching the newspaper in his hand.

"Away from here!" Oikawa snapped, opening the door and slamming it shut. He stormed to Iwa-chan's house, a rant already on his lips. He angrily knocked on the door, readying his spiteful words on this tongue. They died where they were born as a sleepy Iwa-chan opened the door.

"Oikawa? You're up early," she yawned, stretching.

Oikawa's first reaction was _no bra_ and strained to not settle his eyes there.

"Can I come in?"

"Depends. What's the issue?"

"My parents are pissing me off."

"Hm. Valid reason. Hey, mom! Oikawa's here!" Iwaizumi-san said something back but she was too far back into the house for Oikawa to make out properly. "She's says cool. Hungry?"

Oikawa thought about his half-eaten breakfast.

"Starving."

"Then come on in. Mom had made extra anyways," said Iwa-chan.

Oikawa went inside, laughing with Iwa-chan about how he had run out his house in only socks. He stuffed his feet in the Iwaizumi household slippers and followed Iwa-chan to the kitchen.

"Tooru-kun!" Iwaizumi-san greeted. She was already dressed for work, a white and pink dress with a black apron.

“So, it's a café day,” Oikawa mussed, gratefully accepting her hug.

“So it is. I have a hospital shift in the night as well, so I won't be coming in until late tonight. Are you staying?” she asked, releasing him and picking up her work bag.

“I'll be here as long as it takes for my parents to calm down,” Oikawa answered honestly.

“They kick you out or did you walk out?” Iwa-chan asked, setting the table for the two of them.

“I walked out but I'm plenty sure that if I stuck around they would have kicked me out. Iwaizumi-san,” he said, noticing Iwa-chan's mother pick up her bags, “aren't you staying?”

“I already ate,” Iwaizumi-san said. “I accidentally made too much. You're a lucky boy, Tooru-kun.”

Oikawa snorted and looked away. “Maybe to some,” he grumbled.

Iwaizumi-san shook her head and frowned and at him. “Don't let your feelings out on other people. Especially if they did nothing to deserve that treatment.” Oikawa looked to the side, embarrassed. “It's okay and I understand what you're going through. I fought with my parents a lot too. Especially as a teenager. It's somewhat normal. Well, anyways, I'm off. Enjoy your stay here and don't eat all of the ice cream in the fridge.”

“Mooom,” Iwa-chan whined. “Why would you even tell him that?”

Iwaizumi-san laughed and waved good-bye. “Like you wouldn't have told him,” she said over her shoulder. Iwa-chan pouted. “Later, you two.”

“Bye,” Iwa-chan and Oikawa called out in unison. They watched as Iwaizumi-san closed the door and walked down the street.

Once she was out of sight, Iwa-chan turned to him. “Mom had a lot of problems with my grandparents because she loved to hang out with guys. It's one of the reasons why she ended up pregnant with me so young. I mean, my dad and her were in a long-term relationship but mom was fresh out of college. I think that the decision to have me so young haunts her to this day.”

Oikawa blinked. It wasn't everyday that she shared such personal information with him. “Why do you feel that way?”

Iwa-chan shrugged. “She always talks about traveling the world and doing things with her life. If she didn't have me so young, she would have been able to do those things.” Iwa-chan sighed. “She loves me to death but sometimes… sometimes I feel that she blames me for ruining her marriage.”

“Iwa-chan, that's dumb,” Oikawa blurted out. “There is no way that could have happened.”

“She should have waited to have me. My parents married because of me. Maybe if I had been born later, mom and dad would still be together. I know you might think it's kinda dumb but...”

“You shouldn't blame yourself for your parents decisions. You had nothing to do with it,” Oikawa insisted. He sat down at the table and poked at the egg on his plate. Iwa-chan followed suit.

“I know. But I can't help it, you know?” She sighed loudly and rubbed her eyes.

Oikawa can't stop himself from asking, “What else haunts you?”

“You,” she said immediately.

“Ouch, Iwa-chan. I'm being serious.”

“I know, I know. Chill, man.” She tapped her chopsticks on her plate. “I dunno. Anything that has to do with my dad, I guess.”

Oikawa scrunched his nose. “But he's been gone for years. Why do you still care about him?”

“I'm not sure." She chuckled darkly. "You know, some days I except him to show up at the door. I don't know what he would say or what I would say." She paused then added, "I hope it never happens.”

Iwa-chan doesn't say anything else for the rest of breakfast. She's much to invested in shoving her food down her throat. Oikawa doesn't bother her either because he knows how exhausting it is to talk about personal fears.

He really does hope that Iwa-chan never does have to face that particular demon.

 

–

 

Iwa-chan had to face her worst fear the day before school started.

They were on her doorstep, looking over each other's summer work. Oikawa had always been better at Japanese and Iwa-chan in math so they constantly asked each other to make sure all was correct. The work wasn't graded, thank goodness, but doing really well on it increased their chances of being on the teacher's good side. After the Yoshida-Oikawa fight, Oikawa needed as much of that as he could.

“You messed up here,” Iwa-chan told him, tapping a particularly difficult question. “You forgot to multipy these two numbers.”

“I knew something was wrong,” Oikawa grumbled, taking the paper from her and scribbling in the correction. “Now it's going to take me a full five minutes to get another answer. And I'm going to get that one wrong too.”

“So pessimistic,” Iwa-chan mummbled, leafing through her notes. “Where is the brave volleyball captain?”

Oikawa snorted. “I could say the same to you miss _I'll-have-a-mental-breakdown-if-i-don't-remember-this-word._ ”

“Shut up,” she said, lightly punching his shoulder and blushing. “Like you haven't done something like that before.”

“Nearly thrown a table across a room?” Oikawa snickered. “No, Iwa-chan, I've never done that.”

She pinched his cheeks and only stopped because of his whining. “You're so annoying,” she huffed, turning her attention back to her papers.

“Hm, but you wouldn't have me any other way, would you?” Oikawa said, leaning into her space. She bat him away with her hand but not before he saw a small smile flit across her lips.

The spent another hour or so like this, checking each other's work and quietly correcting it. However, Oikawa had never been someone to sit still for long and found himself growing bored. His muscles ached and he couldn't concentrate either. He stretched his hands over his head and started to fiddle with the hem of his shirt.

“Be still, would you? You've been fidgeting around for the past five minutes.”

“Iwa-chaaan. I can't help it! You know that I have to move around a lot!” Oikawa sighed and laid down on the cool concrete of Iwa-chan's porch. “I'm soooo bored, Iwa-chan.”

“When aren't you? Just finish your work.”

“But Iwa-chaaann, I can't concentrate! We've been sitting down for too long.” He hummed to himself for a bit. Suddenly, he gasped and shot up. “Lets take a walk!”

“Hell no.”

“Iwa-chan! Rephrase that!”

“Okay. Hell fucking no.”

Oikawa groaned and laid down again. “Why not? And don't you dare tell me that you actually like doing this. I know you hate doing this as much as I do.”

“I don't but unlike you I realize that work comes first,” she sniffed.

“I know that. But we're basically done! Here, let's just a quick ten minute walk around the neighborhood and I promise that I will not complain again until we are done.” Oikawa poked her side and she recoiled. “C'mon! Get that stick out of your ass for a bit. I know that you're getting jittery as well.”

“I do not have a stick up my ass,” Iwa-chan said, scowling at him. However, she did get up and Oikawa perked up. “Just ten minutes, okay? And after that we're going to be working twice as hard. “

“Aye, aye, captain,” said Oikawa, mockingly saluting her.

“I hate you so much,” she growled, getting up and stretching her arms over her head. Oikawa was blessed with a peak of her smooth back.

“Nah, you love me,” he replied cheekily. She snorted in reply.

She turned around and extended her hand. “Just ten minutes,” she said as he took her hand.

“Mhm,” he said, distracted by the way her arm tensed when she pulled him up. “I promise.”

It was a cool spring day, a little on the chillier side. The breeze ruffled his hair and Oikawa found himself constantly patting it down so that it wouldn't blow into his face. Why did the wind love messing up his hair? He turned over to Iwa-chan to ask her about how she was handling the weather and nearly stopped cold at the sight of her.

Oikawa felt like he had jumped straight into a Shoujo manga. (Not that he reads that shit haha _fight him._ ) It felt just like that scene in which the protagonist (Oikawa) would look at his love interest (Iwa-chan) and realize how beautiful they were. The love interest would catch the protagonist looking and then turn away, blushing furiously and thinking about how attractive the protagonist was as well.

Oikawa would take her hand and Iwa-chan, still blushing, would shyly look up at him through her eyelashes. He would profess his undying love for her just as the wind picked up, spraying sakura blossoms in their direction. Iwa-chan's eyes would widen and she'd cover her mouth her hands all cute-like. She'd say that she loved him too, tears threatening to spill out. He'd wrap her arms around her and they'd share their first kiss, full of passionate love.

Ah, such a wonderful scene.

However, what end up happening was that Iwa-chan found a beetle on the side of the road and shoved it in Oikawa's face.

“ _EW!_ ” He instantly recoiled, pushing her away and sticking his tongue out in disgust.

Iwa-chan apparently thought that that was pretty hilarious and proceeded to chase him down the street, waving the beetle around and cackling like a manic.

It was like they were five again, running around and screaming at the top of their lungs. Back when they had the time and energy to play Aliens all day. Back when their main concern was getting home around lunch time in order to have lemonade and sandwiches. Back when staying up at midnight was the wildest thing they had ever done. Little tiny five years who were just learning about the big, wide world they lived in and loved every breath they took.

It's scary to think that they only have one year left. One more year of being neighbors and sneaking over each other's houses int the middle of the night. One more year of groaning about school and laughing at stupid pictures on the internet together. One more year of late night movies and early morning walks. They would never see each other in the hallway again after this year. Their visits to the park to play volleyball would be over.

He had one year left of pining over her before she would be too far away to even think about.

So many people told him that his fear of Iwa-chan not being with him in college was silly.

 _Of course she'll be there!_ They tell him, laughing. _You guys are practically attached by the hip! A package deal! There's nothing to worry about!_

But there was everything to worry about. Iwa-chan's family was tight on money, high school taking it's toll. Oikawa's family had tried to convince Iwaizumi-san to let them pay half of Iwa-chan's tuition since they had money to spare. Iwaizumi-san refused, claiming that she didn't need their charity and that they would be alright. But Iwaizumi-san was already working overtime in order to pay off their taxes and have food on the table. Oikawa didn't even want to think about the workload if Iwa-chan went to college.

Late night confessions aren't always comforting. Especially if it's half-past two and your best friend, the person you love, your whole world, whispers to you, “I'm not going to college. I have to stay here with my mom.”

It felt wrong, thinking about Iwa-chan staying behind at home while Oikawa went off to continue his education. She deserved the same, if not more. Yet here she was, bogged down by financial instability and too proud to accept help. So he had to take these moments with her, acting like rambunctious children without a care in the world so that he could treasure them for as long as he lived.

Okay, maybe his line of thinking was melodramatic, he knows. But Oikawa hated changed. Especially if it concerned him and Iwa-chan. In a year he would he doing something that he had never done before; living without his Iwa-chan.

He wasn't sure if he would make it.

“Oikawa! I found another one!”

“GROSS! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME!”

Iwa-chan cackled in glee. “I've named them!”

“Oh my-what the hell, Iwa-chan? That's so gross! So gross!”

“Look, Oikawa! They're kissing!” She smooshed the bugs together and made kissing sounds.

“Disgusting! Gross! Horrible! You are really, really _awful_!”

She laughed, shoving them in Oikawa's face. Oikawa shrieked and back-pedaled. “They like you!” she exclaimed.

“Iwa-chaaann, could you not?” Oikawa whined.

“C'mon here, uncle Tooru, and give these lovely beetles some well-deserved kisses.” She shook them in front of him, still shaking with laughter. They continue this for a while, Oikawa backpedaling and Iwa-chan joyfully following him with the beetles. She released them after a while though, pitying both them and Oikawa. She set them down into the grass and they watched as the beetles scuttled off.

“They were pretty colors,” Oikawa lamented, crouching down. “I've never seen beetles that were that shade of blue. It was almost like our school colors! Isn't that crazy, Iwa-chan?”

“Crazy,” she agreed, staring at the grass the beetles had escaped into.

“Um, excuse me?” came a nervous voice from behind them.

Oikawa's blood froze and his heart stopped.

Could it be? After all this time?

He chanced a glance over at Iwa-chan who looked just as startled and shocked as he did. Finally, he craned his neck to look at the man standing over him. It had been years since he had last seen that face, but Oikawa would never forget it.

“Iwaizumi Hiro,” Oikawa breathed. Iwa-chan shuddered beside him and stared blankly ahead.

He looked different. More tired, more haggard. His age showed on his face, his skin, the way he held himself. He was in a suit and tie, lightly holding onto a brown and worn-out briefcase in his left hand and clutching a sheet of paper in his right. He looked anxious, terrified, and a little bit hopeful, all emotions that Oikawa had never seen on his face before.

But what was most startling wasn't seeing him there nor how he had aged. The most startling thing that had happened was that Oikawa's first thought when he saw Hiro was “Iwa-chan.”

Iwa-chan had always had quite the striking resemblance to her father but Oikawa had forgotten details about the man. Hiro was a distant memory that was stored deep, deep inside his brain, buried along with long-forgotten nightmares.

Seeing him here, in the flesh and now, gave Oikawa whiplash and suddenly so many of Iwa-chan physical attributes made sense. Her tan skin, her thick eyebrows, her spiky hair, her strong chin, the way she tensed her shoulders... If her dad had been younger they could have passed by as siblings.

“I-I didn't think-” Hiro spluttered. He bowed deeply at Oikawa and Oikawa felt heat rise from his neck all the way to his face. “Oikawa Tooru. You-you've grown.”

“I have,” Oikawa answered blankly. Hiro fidgeted uncomfortably under Oikawa's hard glare.

“You're a third year now, right? If-If I'm not mistaken.”

“Yeah,” Oikawa deadpanned, unsure of how to deal with this small talk. It was even worse on Iwa-chan, who visibly started shaking and grinding her teeth. Hiro side-eyed his daughter and chewed his bottom lip.

“So, you guys have stuck together all this time, huh?” Hiro said, swaying back and forth on his heels. He coughed. “That-that's good.”

“I guess?” replied Oikawa, utterly confused about how to deal with the situation. Iwa-chan looked ready to kick her dad's ass.

“You know I-I always thought that-”

“I'd end up a whore and friendless?” piped up Iwa-chan with false sweetness. Oikawa and Hiro froze, zeroing in on the trembling girl. Anger flared up in her black eyes as she slowly rose, straightening her back. Oikawa wanted to whistle, signal to Hiro that he had done fucked up by showing his face around these parts.

“I'm sorry,” Hiro breathed. “Hajime, I am so, so-”

“If you were actually sorry you'd have come back sooner,” Iwa-chan snapped, still not facing him. “And don't call me Hajime."

“Then what do I call-"

“Don't fucking call me anything. You never had a problem with that before,” she said, voice bitter.

Hiro was silent for a moment. “I understand the error in my ways now,” he said quietly.

“Well,” she said, turning around and fixing him with a murderous glare. “You're a couple of years too late.” She spun around and strutted off, head held high. It was such an Oikawa-move that Oikawa couldn't help but smile at the evidence of how much he had rubbed off on her after all these years.

Hiro and Oikawa watched her go silently. Once she couldn't be seen, Hiro let out a loud, long sigh, his shoulders sagging. He let out a breathy laugh and shook his head. “I-I thought that it was going to be worse.” 

“What can be worse than your daughter spitting all over you?” Oikawa asked, getting up and dusting himself off. He found satisfaction in knowing that he was taller than Hiro and that Iwa-chan's dad had to tilt his head back to look at him.

“Not talking to me at all,” he answered sadly, looking at the paper in his hand mournfully.

Okay, this was not going in the direction that Oikawa thought this was going to go in. “That's kinda depressing," said Oikawa.

Hiro smiled at him weakly. “Thank you for staying with her and proving me wrong.”

“I-uh-you're welcome?” He frowned. "What are you doing back here anyways? Ready to break more hearts?

Hiro stiffened at the accusation. “I-um came to discuss some important buisness with my ex-wife. They-they still live in the same house, right? They haven't moved?”

“Why should I answer you?” Oikawa sniffed. “I have no reason to talk to you.”

Hiro deflated. “I know.”

Oikawa chewed his bottom lip. “Tell me about what you going to do and maybe I'll consider it,” Oikawa said, looking at his fingernails with disinterest.

Hiro perked up slightly. “I-I have some money for them.”

Oikawa narrowed his eyes at him. “You haven't been giving them money?”

“I have,” Hiro said quietly. “But I was only able to send in a little. I-I didn't really have a stable job and it's only been until recently that I-I could finally give them more. And I want to do it personally. I-I also have some important news I wish to share with them.”

“You found someone new?” Oikawa guessed.

Hiro smiled sadly. “I wish. This-this is a little better, I think. For Hajime, at least.”

“Don't call Iwa-chan that,” snapped Oikawa, bristling. “She told you not to call her that.”

“You still call her Iwa-chan?” Hiro asked, wonderstruck.

“Yeah? What of it?” Oikawa said, feeling oddly defensive.

“Nothing, it's just… she hated nicknames. I always tried but she-she never liked any of them.” He looked in the direction that his daughter had left mournfully. “I was never able to connect with her and she's already so big.” He turned back to Oikawa and bowed apologetically. “Sorry, you probably don't want to hear a sad old man's rambling.”

“Actually, if the old man can tell me about one cute thing that Iwa-chan did when she was younger he will have his answer about whether or not his family still lives in the same house.”

It was probably a bad idea manipulating Hiro like this, but Oikawa was dying to hear baby Iwa-chan stories. Iwaizumi-san had told him a few but most of the time Iwa-chan got there before any damage could be done.

Hiro knit his eyebrows. “She used to love this teddy bear that her uncle gave her. It was small and purple. She loved that thing to death. Carried it around her all time. I thinks she called it Henry-chan? Some American name like that.”

“Did this said bear have a pink bow around its neck?” Oikawa inquired.

“I believe so.”

“Sweet! I now know Harry-chan's backstory! She always has that bear on her desk and she absolutely refuses to tell me about it! You've done me quite the service, Hiro-san,” Oikawa said, patting Hiro's back. “In return, yes, they still live in the same house.”

Hiro smiled at the ground. “That's good. It's a nice house. I hope that they've enjoyed it. Um, would you mind leading me there? I have forgotten where it is.”

“Ah, I can't help you with that!” said Oikawa, turning around and skipping. “You'll have to find it on your own~. Also, you can't tell Iwa-chan about our little conversation here~”

Oikawa felt a little guilty for not helping Hiro out more. He remembered the feeling that the man gave him when he was younger and it was totally different from that of now. Some part of Oikawa told him that Hiro could be trusted now, that he was a changed man.

But Iwa-chan's crying still haunted his dreams and he could never forgive Hiro, even if he had turned over a new leaf.

Oikawa gets back home in good time. Iwa-chan was on the porch, absolutely fuming.

“Fucking bastard,” she muttered under her breath. “Showing up out of the blue and trying to sweet talk his way back in. I hate him, I hate him, I fucking hate him.”

“Hm, should I mention that he is probably coming this way?” Oikawa asked her.

She turned to him, ready to tear his arm off and beat him senseless with it. “Oikawa Tooru, I swear to the fucking gods-”

“Chill, Iwa-chan. I didn't tell him the address. He'll probably figure out on his own which house it is. Now, c'mon, let's finish this work before he comes back, hm?”

However, Iwa-chan did not chill. Iwa-chan instead became red-hot fire, tearing through the rest of the work. Oikawa could barely keep up with her and her angry rants so he gave up half-way through the revision and decided that he would use Google to check his work later.

A good solid hour had passed until Hiro made his way down the street. Iwa-chan had calmed down by then, rationally talking about what she would do when they saw each other again. However, once she saw his silhouette on the horizon, she turned to Oikawa and asked with a falsely sweet voice, “You still have one of my uniforms, right? I think I'll stay over your house tonight for some more bonding time with you.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow but did not question her further. He only dutifully waited outside for Iwa-chan to collect the rest of her school things. Hiro got there at the exact same moment Iwa-chan and Iwaizumi-san opened the door.

“Hajime, I don't-” Iwaizumi-san zeroed in on the other man on her porch. “Oh. Hiro-san. Strange to see you around these parts,” she said, tone cold.

“Fuka-san,” replied Hiro, bowing at his ex-wife. Iwaizumi-san made a face but didn't say anything. “I wish to speak to you.”

“Maybe mom doesn't wan to speak to a scoundrel like you,” Iwa-chan spat, shouldering her way down the stairs. “Let's go, Oikawa,” she said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him over to his house. Oikawa glanced back once to check on the adults and grimaced at the scene he saw.

Iwaizumi-san had crossed her arms and was glaring down at Hiro, head held high. If Iwa-chan looked physically more like her father, personality-wise she was more like her mother. Hiro wasn't meeting her eyes, meekly staring down at the paper in his hand. Oikawa saw his mouth moving but couldn't make out what he was saying.

“Don't look at them,” Iwa-chan hissed, jarring Oikawa's attention back her. Shoulders tense, scowl set on her face, she looked nothing short of terrifying.

“O-okay,” Oikawa said, shiver going up his spine.

His parents seemed extremely confused to see them. Oikawa because their son had been avoiding home for the majority of the day for weeks. Hajime because since Oikawa hadn't been over neither had his friend. However, they didn't question them at all as soon as they saw Iwa-chan's face. Oikawa wanted to laugh at his parents expression but although they didn't have the best relationship right now he didn't want to try them at the moment.

The only thing his parents said to them as Iwa-chan stomped up the stairs with him was, “Will you be staying for dinner?”

“I'm staying until my dad leaves,” Iwa-chan grumbled and they disappeared into Oikawa's room without another comment.

Oikawa hated dealing with Iwa-chan was she was like this. He could take her when she was mad. He knew how to handle her when she was like that.

But Iwa-chan wasn't mad.

She was _livid_ and full of red-hot _rage._

Oikawa stood at the door and watched as Iwa-chan rampaged through his room, picking up things and throwing them around, screaming at the top of her lungs.

He had never seen her like this, so wild and fierce. It scared him, left him glued to the spot. Oikawa was terrified. Beyond terrified. He wanted to run away and hide forever.

 _This is the person I love_ , he thought as she smashed Oikawa's bed with a pillow repeatedly, screaming her hatred towards her father, not even bothering with words. Tears streaked down her cheeks, her face twisted up between grief and fury.

 _No way that Iwa-chan was capable of this destruction_ , he thought as she swiped her arm across his desk and knocked down all his books.

 _This isn't Iwa-chan_ , he thought as she picked up a volleyball and slammed it against the wall, let out a string of furious curses.

 _She would never do any of this_ , he thought as she tore down one of his posters, roaring her father's name.

But as she turned to him, that fire in her eyes directed straight at him, he had to face the truth. 

This was Iwa-chan. This raging fire in front of him was the person he loved. The girl who had torn down his room in a fit of rage was Iwa-chan. It was all her. He had just never seen her like this before.

She advanced towards him, first raised and lips fixed in a scowl. She looked like a monster, straight from the depths of hell. Everything that he loved about her, turned evil. Black eyes, merciless. Teeth, bared and ready to fight. Arms and hands, tense and ready to throw the punch.

She slammed him against the door, one fist clutching his collar and the other raised above her head. She looked at him unwavering, her expression unrecognizable.

Did she even recognize him? Her best friend since they were five? Had she forgotten him in her fit of rage against her father? 

“Iwa-chan,” he whimpered, his voice tiny and soft. “Iwa-chan, stop. You're scaring me.”

But Iwa-chan didn't stop, only titled her head to the side, seizing him up and down, wondering which was the best place to hit him.

“Iwa-chan, please,” Oikawa pleaded, voice cracking and eyes welling up with tears. “Stop. You're going to hurt me.”

She tightened her grip on his collar.

Oikawa let out a small whine from the back of his throat, like an animal about to be devoured by a beast. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his his head, giving Iwa-chan his cheek. He took in one last deep breath and tensed his body, ready for the impact.

The punch never came.

“Tooru,” her voice said, cracking. “Oh my- Oh-Tooru-I-”

Oikawa cracked an eye open. Iwa-chan shakily released him and dropped her hands. Oikawa opened his other eye and turned to face her, now no longer afraid. She stared down at her hands in horror, coming to the realization of what she had done.

“What am I doing, Tooru?” She whispered, trembling, she turned around to look at the room, the destruction she had wrought it.

“I don't know,” Oikawa answered her honestly.

“I-I-I don't-Tooru, I swear that I-I didn't mean any of this! I-” She grabbed his biceps, squeezing them so hard that it hurt. Tears started to streak down her face and she buried her face into his chest. “I'm so sorry,” she sobbed. “I'm so sorry, Tooru.” 

Oikawa couldn't do anything, couldn't say anything. How could he when his image of Iwa-chan had shattered just like the picture frame of them as little kids when the volleyball had hit it? What could he tell her? What could he tell himself?

“I-I don't-I don't know what came over me-I-” she let go of him, as though he had shocked her. He gazed up at him with wide, apologetic eyes. “I'm so sorry. I don't belong here. I don't belong with you. I'm sorry. I'm going home.”

“What do you mean you don't belong with me?” asked Tooru, leaning forward.

She took a step back. “Look at what I've done!” she exclaimed, gesturing to the totaled room. “You don't expect me to believe that you-that you actually still want to be my friend after this!”

Tooru swallowed. “You said that you'd be here for dinner. Let's just… let's just clean this up, okay? We'll… we'll deal with your issues later.”

Iwa-chan stared at him like she couldn't believe he was really there. “Okay,” she said, nodding slowly. “Okay.”

Oikaw didn't know what to make of the silence that ensued as they cleaned up his room. He still didn't know what to make of Iwa-chan's outburst either. It would be horrible of him to ignore it because it was obvious that her actions were weighing her down.

Yet she had done what she had done. He now knew of the destruction that she was capable of. He knew the extent of her anger. Could he still love her after this? Surely he would still stick by her side because he knew that Iwa-chan wasn't entirely in control of herself. But could he forgive her for this? Had his feelings changed?

He found his answer when she broke down over the picture frame.

He hadn't really expected it. He was calmly tacking his poster back up- thankful that the only damage that had occurred to it was a small rip at the top- when he heard a quiet wail. He turned around to see Iwa-chan sink to her knees and pick up the picture frame. He watched her as she cradled it in her arms, trying to her hide her sniffles.

“You kept this old thing?” she asked, voice quavering. She lovingly traced their faces with her thumb, a fond smile on her face. It broke when she saw the crack in the glass.

“Of course I kept it! It was our first Halloween!” Oikawa said, plopping down next to her. He rested his cheek on her head and sighed. “Look at you with your cute little ghost buster costume, ready to take down the supernatural.”

“How fitting was it that you were an alien that year,” she said softly, looking at little Oikawa with unbridled love. Her face fell, however, and she turned to him. “I wish that we could go back to being little kids. I wish things were simpler. I wish that-that I was simpler and not someone that-that hurt those that she loves.”

Oikawa frowned and wrapped an arm around her. Iwa-chan melted into him and buried her face in his chest. “I was thinking about that today. What it would have been like to just stay little kids forever," Oikawa admitted. "You know, while you chasing me with those disgusting bugs."

“And what do you think about it?” she asked quietly, peering up at him.

Oikawa blinked.

What did he think about it?

Being five forever meant so many good things. It meant exploring in their backyards for hours on end and playing silly games. It meant unbridled curiosity, imagination, hopes, and dreams. It meant looking at their parents and thinking that they could do no wrong. It meant looking at each other and thinking 'friend.' It meant little homework and cold winter days playing through the snow.

It would be magical.

But if they had been five forever Oikawa and Iwa-chan wouldn't have gotten better at volleyball. Oikawa wouldn't have gotten the chance to see her on the court, powerful and strong. They wouldn't have snuck out their houses to sit underneath the stars and whisper secrets in each other's ears. He wouldn't have been able to stand by her when she was weak and falling more than once. He wouldn't love her as much as he did.

“I-I think I like things they way they are,” he replied honestly.

Sure it was hell pining over her endlessly but it was well worth it. He got to see her at her highest and her lowest. He got to know her better than anyone else ever could. He got her unwavering support and attention at all times. No matter what she'd save him from falling. She'd help him stand back up. She'd seen him at his worst and would do it again countless times.

It was like they were already a couple. All that was left was for them to confess their love.

“But everything is much more complicated now. I'm much more complicated now. Look at what I did! Tooru, you can't really expect me to believe that you-you're okay with this!” She shook violently as she set the picture frame back down. “Why would you still want to be my friend after this?

Oikawa bit his lip. “I'm not okay with this,” he said quietly. “I don't like what you did, or what you're capable of doing. But… you're the most important person in the world to me. I idolize you, Iwa-chan. If you were a goddess I'd worship you ever single day. Sadly, you are not an eternal deity and we both have to come in terms with the fact that you have flaws. Very big and very bad flaws which include anger management problems.”

"Ha," Iwa-chan said weakly.

Oikawa looked at his ceiling, a small smile playing on his lips. “But I wouldn't have you any other way. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still absolutely terrified about what you did, but I want to deal with these problems. Your problems. You're always dealing with mine and you've been doing it since, well, forever.” He gazed down at Iwa-chan who looked up at him with teary eyes. “I want to see all of you, Iwa-chan, like you've seen all of me.”

“But I haven't seen all of you,” Iwa-chan choked out. “You've seen all of me.”

“Yes, you have,” said Oikawa. “There is nothing about me that you don't know.” _Other than my undying_ _love_ _for you but that's for another day_. “You're the one that still needs some cracking and I just witnessed the darkest part of you.”

Iwa-chan squeezed her eyes shut. “I'm so sorry.”

“Sorry for what?” Oikawa asked, cupping her cheek and drawing soothing circles with his thumb.

Iwa-chan leaned into his touch, slowly becoming undone. “You should never see me like this. I'm sorry. I-I'm supposed to be calm and-and collected an-and not trying to tear your room down.”

Oikawa surveyed the destruction. “It's seen worse. Remember that time we tried to repaint it?”

Iwa-chan shook his hand away and buried her face in her hands. She groaned loudly and Oikawa sniggered. “Don't remind me.”

“Okay, okay, but in all seriousness...” Oikawa took her face in both his hands and tilted her head back so that she was forced to look at him straight in the eye. “You really did scare me and I don't know if I can forgive you for what you have done.” She swallowed and nodded slightly. “However, I know that you aren't normally like that. You wouldn't lash out like that if it weren't for something important. But it's not right for you to lash out like-”

“I've done it before,” she said quietly. “I did it to Yoshida.” Her eyes pricked with tears. “That's why he broke up with me.”

Oikawa blinked at her, taken aback. Iwa-chan had had a meltdown like this before? And with Yoshida? He was suddenly dying to know the details. “Why?”

Iwa-chan looked down. “I don't want to talk about it.”

This stung Oikawa. Here he was extending out his imaginary hand and Iwa-chan was swatting it away. She never did that. Not like this at least. Yet he swallowed his pride. Iwa-chan would open up to him when she wanted to. He would not pry.

“Then that means that there's a problem, right? How about this? The next time it happens we'll go find someone that can help you, okay? We'll find away to tame your dark side. Oh, hush, Iwa-chan. Don't start crying like that. You know that I hate it when you-ah- okay, okay. Shhh, I got you, I got you.”

Iwa-chan had buried her face in the crook of his neck and wrapped her arms around him. She sobbed freely, only Oikawa's shirt muffling her wails. Oikawa wrapped his arms around her as well and pressed her close to him, whispering comforting words in her ear.

Later on that night while they lay in Oikawa's bed, stuffed with good food, Iwa-chan told him, “You're the best thing that ever happened to me, Tooru.”

Oikawa grinned at her. “I could say the same.”

It's only when he's on the edge of sleep that he realizes that she had called him Tooru.

 

 

–

 

 

A week passed before Iwaizumi Hiro left the house. Oikawa's parents were more than happy to allow Iwa-chan over. It probably reminded them of when Oikawa and Iwa-chan were little kids who still didn't realize how awful the world could be. Oikawa wondered if his parents knew that Iwa-chan had totaled his room but if they did they never told him. He would be eternally grateful if they never mentioned it in front of him or Iwa-chan.

The first day of school Iwa-chan went straight to counseling. This kinda bummed Oikawa out because he wanted to be one to take her somewhere more professional for help. However, Iwa-chan had shook her head.

“I'll deal with this myself, she told him, smiling. “If it gets worse I'll come to you, okay?”

“Okay,” he conceded, sighing dramatically. “If Iwa-chan really thinks that she can handle it by herself...”

“What am I? A porcelain doll?” she scoffed. But she smiled anyways, as though Oikawa's concern for her was the best thing that could have happened to her.

At one point she went over her house to pick up a few things so that she could stay over Oikawa's for a little longer. However, she got stopped by her parents and was updated about their conversations. She stormed out her house and burst into Oikawa's house, where everyone was having a calm and peaceful dinner.

“OIKAWA!” she screamed

“Ah, that's my cue,” said Oikawa, wiping his mouth. He picked up his half-full plate and smiled at his parents. “Duty calls. I'll clean the dishes when it's over, okay?” His parents nodded back numbly. Oikawa beamed and went over to Iwa-chan.

“My, my, Iwa-chan,” he said when he approached her. He put a hand on his hip and smirked. “Are you the big bad wolf because you look like you're about to blow this house down.”

“That sounds so much like a fucking shitty pick-up line, Oikawa, I'm going to punch you in the fucking fa-”

Oikawa tsked loudly. “Now, now, Iwa-chan. Violence isn't the answer.” Iwa-chan let out a disgruntled noise from the back of her throat but did do her best to calm down. Oikawa waited until she was certain that she wouldn't strangle him to death. “Let's go upstairs.”

“Upstairs is good,” Iwa-chan told him. “Will you give him some of your food? I'm starving.”

“Who says that I'm going to share my food with you?” asked Oikawa, giving Iwa-chan the plate. “I hate sharing my food.”

Iwa-chan accepted the plate. “So selfish. You need to work on your sharing skills.”

 _Oh, Iwa-chan. You have no idea_ , Oikawa thought, thinking about the kid that he had scared a couple of days ago at the park who had merely glanced in Iwa-chan's direction. Oikawa still doesn't know how he survived almost a full year of Iwa-chan having a boyfriend. Hopefully she won't get another one this year but that's a very selfish and mean thing for him to think of and Oikawa really does need to learn how to share.

They settled in his bed and Iwa-chan stared at the food. “He has a cancer," Iwa-chan said bluntly.

“Oh,” said Oikawa, heart dropping.

Oikawa watched Iwa-chan push the food around the plate. After a minute or so Iwa-chan continued. “He's been sick for a while. A little over a year. And he got this new job that's been paying him very well recently. I mean, I hate him, but he's always given us the money we needed.” She took in a deep breath before continuing. “He-he told me that he had set money aside to pay for my college.”

Oikawa stared at her blankly. “I-I'm sorry? I am hearing this right? Your dad set money aside to pay for college? How much?”

“Seven million yen,” she answered quietly.

Oikawa whistled. “Seven million yen. That-that's more than some people earn in a life time. And it's all for you?” Oikawa felt like squealing in glee. “Do you know what this means? Iwa-chan, you can go to college! We can go to college together! This is-this is great! This is wonderful! This is the best thing that could have happened! Why aren't you-"his voice dropped,"-why aren't you excited?”

Iwa-chan sighed. “It's terminal. He has a few months to live.”

Oikawa's mood sank. “Oh. I-I don't know what to say.”

“What a coward,” Iwa-chan said, scowling. “He had to receive a death sentence to go and visit us. What a fucking coward.” She stabbed the rice with her chopsticks.

Oikawa chewed his bottom lip. “Yeah, that's kinda shitty of him.”

Iwa-chan shoved a piece of food into her mouth. “It is.”

She didn't talk the rest of the time she was there. After she was done with the food she took one of the blankets, wrapped herself up in it, and curled up in a little ball on his bed. It was actually pretty cute and Oikawa had to force himself to stop gushing over it and realize that this was actually a very bad thing for her to do.

“Did you do all your homework?” he asked.

Nod.

“Are you still hungry?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“Are you going back home?” he asked. 

She shook her head.

"Would you like to sleep a little?”

Nod.

“Okay. I'm going to turn the lights off, okay? Do want a nightlight or-” Iwa-chan glared at him. “Okay, okay, no nightlight. Goodness, I'm just trying to be nice.” Oikawa got up and flicked the light switch off. The only source of light left was the moon that filtered through his window. Iwa-chan peered at him through the blankets, watching him carefully.

Oikawa walked back over to the bed and crouched down to look at her. “I'll be right back, okay? Gotta do something quickly.” Iwa-chan's hand shot out of the cover and she grabbed his arm, shaking her head furiously. Oikawa tilted his head curiously. “What's wrong? I'll be right back.” She shook her head again and this time tapped the other side of bed.

“Are you asking to be cuddled?” asked Oikawa, trying to hide his amusement. Iwa-chan puffed her cheeks out and let out an angry huff of air. “No need to get all defensive. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be cuddled. You and I both know I've asked that of you plenty of times.” Iwa-chan buried her face back into the blankets, probably blushing. “C'mere, you big lug.”

Oikawa pushed Iwa-chan over to the side and she let out an indignant squeal. Oikawa slipped in right beside her and draped an arm over the mass of blankets that was his best friend. He nuzzled his nose around until he finally found her spiky hair. He hummed happily as he wormed his other arm around her, effectively hugging her. She poked her head out, probably to breathe, and Oikawa felt her smash her nose against the hollow of his throat. Oikawa let out a snort of laughter as she made a feeble wailing sound, scrunching her nose up all cute like.

"Oww," she complained, thrashing around. "You're too close."

"I am in optimal cuddling distance and you know it," Oikawa said. Iwa-chan attempted to kick him but the blankets wouldn't let her. She gave up quickly and found it much more comfortable to lay her forehead on his collarbone. Oikawa was giddy with joy as he stroked her hair, letting out a soft sigh of relief once he felt her body relax against his. At one point she managed to wiggle her arms so wrap them up in a tighter embrace. This meant that Oikawa was allowed to unabashedly stare at her and press closer without seeming suspicious.

At some point his parents came up to check on him and found Oikawa and Iwa-chan swaddled in blankets. They blink at their son. Oikawa raised a finger to his lips and winked at them.

 _She's sleeping_ , he mouthed.

His parents nodded and closed the door. Oikawa let out a sigh of relief. Had it been any other person, his parents probably would have kicked them out of his room by now and given him a stern talking too. However, they were so trusting of Iwa-chan that they were certain that nothing weird would happen.

And nothing weird did happen. She just fell asleep in his arms, breathing swallow, face smooth and calm. She looked like the time he realized that he loved her.

He still loved her. Loved her so much that it made his chest ache and body tremble. But now was not the time to shower her in his endless love. At least not the romantic sense. She needed his platonic love. The part of him that looked at her and thought _I'll wrap you up in blankets and give you hot chocolate and scare away all your demons for you_  without wanting anything out of it other than her grateful smile.

Or was that romantic love as well? Oikawa wasn't sure. It was hard to tell to tell at point what he felt platonically and romantically towards Iwa-chan. By now he had just lumped it all into the one section in his heart labeled, “For Iwa-chan only” that had hearts plastered all over it.

The rest of the night goes by uneventfully, Oikawa drifting off into a dreamless sleep. In the morning he wakes up to the wonderful sight of Iwa-chan draped across him.

“Iwa-chan,” he said, gently shaking her. “Wake up. We gotta get ready.”

“Shut the fuck up and go to sleep,” she snapped groggily.

Ah, the sweet sound of the voice of the one you love.

“That's no way to treat someone that let you stay over his house for days.”

“Oikawa, it's too early. Please go to sleep,” Iwa-chan grumbled.

“Fine,” he sighed dramatically. “I'll let you sleep a little longer. But _I_ have to get up.”

“For what? Your beauty regime?” she snorted, half-amused, as she snaked her hands around his waist.

Okay, she was definitely trying him now. Maybe the gods were testing him. He knew that he shouldn't have practiced that extra hour last week. This was his punishment for overexerting him. He was to suffer the love of his life curling up against him, telling him to stay in bed for just a little bit longer.

Well, they might have been able to chose a much more grueling punishment, although this one was much more effective.

“You'd be surprised by how much time and effort it takes to look as beautiful me, Iwa-chan,” he told her.

“Lies,” she mummered softly, lips brushing his collar bone. Oikawa nearly melted. “You tell people that you style your hair but I know that it's natural.”

“What makes you say that?” he asked her, drawing lazy circles on her back. Man, was the bed comfy and Iwa-chan's sleepy look was making his stomach do flips. Nice flips. Happy flips. Why had he wanted to get up in the first place? This was heaven!

“I've basically lived with you my whole life. I've since you at your finest with that hideous spaceships pjs and your hair still looks the same.”

“You call it hideous but you're the one that gave it to me,” Oikawa told her.

“It was joke gift," she muttered. "You weren't supposed to like it that much."

"Aren't glad that I use it a lot, though?" he said. He heard her snigger and she buried her face even more into his collar, letting out a soft, pleased sigh. “You know,” Oikawa said cheekily, “I'd smell better if you let me shower.” Iwa-chan shoved him out of the bed. “Rude!” Oikawa squawked indignantly. And he was just getting comfortable too!

“This is what you get for being arrogant,” Iwa-chan replied, looking down on him from the bed, a sly smile plastered on her face.

“For being truthful! C'mon, Iwa-chan. You and I both you that you find me extremely attractive.” Oikawa lifted a leg in the air, toes pointed, and did his best to strike a sexy pose.

She wrinkled her nose. “Trashykawa,” she spat.

“But I'm all your's~” he sang, laughing gleefully as Iwa-chan started to launch pillows at him. He scrambled out of the way and skipped to his door. “See you in a bit, Iwa-chan~” He heard her groan loudly and chuckled to himself.

Well, she seemed to be out of her slump for now.

The rest of the week went by smoothly. Iwa-chan grumbled about her father endlessly, but she didn't seem to be on the verge of a breakdown. Oikawa wanted to ask her what she had meant by doing something similar with Yoshida but kept his mouth shut. Her mental health was much more important than any question he had.

Hiro left early Sunday morning, briefcase in hand and somber expression on his face. Oikawa had been outside, setting the ball around. He and Iwa-chan had decided that they were going to go to the park to play some volleyball. The weather was nice and nothing beat passing the ball around with her and laughing over silly mistakes.

Hiro approached him quietly. So quietly that Oikawa hadn't even noticed that Hiro was standing next to him until he turned around. Oikawa let out a startled cry and the ball plummeted down, smacking him in the face. He whined quietly as Hiro profusely apologized.

“So sorry for scaring you,” Hiro said, bowing. “I didn't mean it.”

“It's fine,” Oikawa mumbled, rubbing his sore face. Oikawa noticed the briefcase clutched in Hiro's hand. “Leaving so soon?”

“I've extended my visit too much. I'd like to thank you for taking such good care of Hajime.”

Oikawa blinked. “It was no problem, really. Iwa-chan stays over my house all of the time so-”

“Er, well, I didn't mean it like that,” Hiro said, scratching the back of his neck. Oikawa tilted his head in confusion. “I meant staying her friend for so long.”

Oikawa felt himself blushing. “It-it's really not that big of a deal. She's a great person."

“I guess it's changed now, but Hajime never had luck making friends. She just wasn't good at relationships. She'd come home with a friend one day and the next day she'd tell us that they weren't friends anymore." Hiro sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's just… it's just so nice to see that she was able to have such a long lasting friendship like the one she has with you. It's done her a lot of good.”

A small smile slipped on Oikawa's lips. “Iwa-chan's the one that's been good for me.”

Hiro raised his eyebrows, his eyes widening. “Is that what you think?”

Oikawa felt his face go red again. “I don't understand why you're prying so much into my life when you really barely know me," he sputtered.

Hiro took a step back and bowed. “Yes, I'm sorry. I got carried away.”

Oikawa shifted uncomfortably. “Er, I mean, you don't have to-”

“I should be going now anyway,” Hiro continued, not paying attention to Oikawa. “I wish you and Hajime luck in the upcoming tournament. You're both captains if I'm not mistaken, right?”

“I-uh- yes, we're both captains." Oikawa paused. "How did you know? Did Fuka-san tell you or-”

“Don't tell Hajime, but I have watched some of your games. Both you and my daughter's. You both play very, very well and I know that your teams will do great this year.”

Oikawa blinked as Hiro's words sunk in.

Hiro had watched them.

That meant that he had knew what high school they both went to. Not only that, he gone out of his way to watch them play volleyball. Oikawa had scanned those bleachers more than once during games. Same goes for Iwa-chan. The fact that they had never once noticed Hiro was very worrisome. Oikawa also couldn't tell if going to Iwa-chan's games to see his daughter play was very sweet or very pathetic of him.

Oikawa guessed that it must have been hard to watch your daughter grow up from a distance. To look down at the crowd and watch her excel but never able to truly cheer her on. He couldn't tell anyone, ' _That's my_ _daughter!_ ' because what if Iwa-chan found out? He would have had to sit on those bleachers in silence, watching but never speaking. Observing but never reacting. It must have been hard, but Oikawa couldn't really find it in himself to pity Hiro. He had done this to himself by leaving his family. Now he had to own up to his mistakes.

“Thank you,” said Oikawa, because although the thought of Hiro watching them set his nerves on edge, he had complimented the both of them.

“Keep doing what you're doing," said Hiro.

 _I don't plan to change_ , Oikawa thought, but nodded anyways. Hiro looked as though a weight had been lifted of his shoulders, as though this talk with Oikawa had been truly invigorating to his spirit. Hiro bowed to the teen one last time before walking off. Oikawa watched him go, absently tossing the ball up and down. When he was just a silhouette on the horizon, Iwa-chan bounded outside.

“Oi, shittykawa, what are you doing staring into the distance?” she asked, bouncing up next to him.

Oikawa tore his eyes away from where Hiro stood just minutes ago. “Your dad left the house.”

“Uh, really? Well, good riddance, I guess. Now I can go and sleep in my bed without wanting to sneak over to where he was sleeping and screaming at him.” Iwa-chan gave him a weak smile. “Guess our sleepover is done for. Did he tell you something before he left?”

“No,” Oikawa lied, because now wasn't the time to tell her that her father had been keeping tabs on her for a while. He would tell her later, when things were better. Maybe when her father was dead, which would be much sooner that Oikawa wanted to think about.

She let out a sigh. “Whatever. Anyways, let's go! There's this thing I've been wanting to work on and my setter-”

Oikawa didn't pay attention to her words after that, only interested in the way she expressed herself. Head held high, stance strong, eyes sparkling, smile on her face. She was just so beautiful, so precious in this moment. The fact that Hiro had walked away from ever seeing her like this… Oikawa couldn't wrap his mind around it. The fact that Oikawa may have been the reason that she was like this made his head hurt even more.

But if he was the reason why she glowed this way…

_Looks like I have another reason to stay with her for as long as I can._

 

 

–

 

 

Oikawa wondered if Hiro watched their Inter-high games. He might have. Who knows.

But if he did, that means that he saw Oikawa and Iwa-chan fail. Fail to bring their team to the next level. Oikawa beaten down by Shiratorizawa and Iwa-chan by Nii-miya high.

They had been so close, that thing that they had both dreamed of for years. A spot in nationals. They were good enough, their team was good enough.

But they were only second-best. They were good, but not good enough. Just one step behind, just one second late.

Oikawa didn't know how to describe the feeling in his chest as he watched the ball drop. All he remembered was lying on the floor and looking up at Ushijima's face. It seemed to mock him, that blank and unwavering stare.

 _I'm better than you,_ it said. _You're only second-best._

And Oikawa hated being second-best in the things he loved. He had worked his ass off for years, trained until he fainted, pushed himself to the limit, came home with bruises and scratches that would never heal. All of that hard work only to walk away from the court and Shiratorizawa's screaming crowd.

The bus ride back was quiet and somber. 

 _This wasn't supposed to happen,_ Oikawa thought, blinking back tears. _We weren't supposed to lose. We were supposed to win and go to nationals. I've worked too hard for it to end like this. My team has worked too hard for it to end like this. We have worked to hard to not see the national stage._

But he had to wake up and smell the roses.

 _We lost too read_ Iwa-chan's text to him. _See you at school._

“They lost?” muttered Hanamaki under his breath. “What the fuck?”

“Unbelievable,” agreed Matsukawa. “What happened?”

“I'll find out soon enough,” answered Oikawa, sighing and pocketing his phone.

Hanamakki slumped down in his chair. “I can't believe. Our last shot at victory.”

“That's the closest we've ever gotten to beating them,” observed Matsukawa sadly. “We won't ever have that chance again.”

“I'm staying,” said Oikawa and Hanamakki and Matsunkawa blinked at him in surprise.

“Are you serious?” they asked in unison.

Oikawa nodded. “This-this defeat was hard, but I refuse to let this be the last time I stand on that court. There's still Spring High and I want to show everyone that I'm going to fight no matter what. Aoba Josai Oikawa Tooru isn't through with this world yet. I won't rest until I take down Tobio-chan again and knock Ushiwaka off his feet. We can still fight, Makki-chan and Matsun! We can still do this! We still have one last chance to show everyone what we're made off. We mourn tonight but tomorrow we ride again.”

“There he goes, giving us one of those captain speeches of his,” remarked Matsukawa, grinning.

“Truly inspirational, captain. We feel invigorated and ready to march off into battle,” drawled Hanamakki.

“Mean!” Oikawa exclaimed, puffing his cheeks out.

“Whatever you say, captain~” said Hanamakki and Matsunkawa in unison, both wearing identical smirks. The trio bicker lightly the whole way back. However, once they're off the bus and everyone has gone their separate ways, Oikawa sinks down to the floor and finally let's the weight of his disappointment drag him down

The night is quiet and still, the only sounds being his breathing and the occasional chirp of a cricket. He curled up into a ball, hugging his knees close to him chest and rocking back and forth.

Losing hurt like a bitch and Oikawa could feel his heart breaking as the night dragged on.

Tomorrow he would stand up again and go out jogging and practice some more. He would spend the rest of this year improving, ready to show other just what a powerful force of nature he was.

However, just for tonight, Oikawa allowed himself to cry. He cried over his shattered dreams. He cried over the faces that his underclassman had made when they had lost. Cried about what coach said, about being proud of them and of everything they had accomplished. Cried because he was good, Oikawa Tooru was very good, but just not good enough to make the difference.

He had collected himself by the time Iwa-chan's bus rolled around. Tired, weary, and upset girls filed out, waving weakly at Oikawa before heading home. Iwa-chan was the last one to get off, looking better than the most of her team. She watched them go, yelled at them to get some good sleep, told them that they did a great job.

But then she clutched Oikawa's hand tightly and gave him a smile that must have been painful and Oikawa knew that she was hurting as well. She just couldn't show it. She had to be strong for her teammates so that they could keep on going.

It was a captain's burden. 

But in times like these, when no one was watching, the two Seijou volleyball captains found themselves leaning against each other, the weight of their responsibility crashing down on them. Oikawa was the first to break, letting out a tiny sniffle as they made their way home.

“Your place or mine?” Iwa-chan asked as soon as the sound left Oikawa.

Oikawa nearly cursed under his breath. He had been hoping that he would be able to get away with at least one sound of distress. “Your's has a comfier couch.”

“You want to watch a movie, then? I think that you left one of your favorite movies at my house. My mom might have left some food so we can have some of that.”

Oikawa gave her a watery smile. “That sounds great,” he said, voice cracking. Besides, Iwa-chan's hand felt warm and comforting, her head-held high and stance still-proud stance helping him push forward.

The rest of the way home was silent but Oikawa didn't mind. Sure, he liked it better when someone- preferably him- was talking and making conversation but that just didn't feel right tonight.

Iwa-chan's home was quiet, a great relief to Oikawa. Going over his house meant his parents fussing over him, trying to soothe his aching heart. While their relationship had gotten better, Oikawa found himself wanting to distance himself more and more from his parents. He loved them, he really did, but they didn't get him. They didn't get him like Matsun and Makki got him or how his sister got him. And they sure as hell didn't get him like Iwa-chan got him.

As Oikawa got the movie started up, Iwa-chan went to get the food that her mother had left. She came back totting a bunch of snacks and two tubs of ice cream.

“Iwa-chan, I thought that you were all about being healthy,” Oikawa teased, straightening up and pressing the start button.

“I usually am but now is a good time as any to drown my sorrows with junk food.”

“Sounds like something that I would say after my girlfriend breaks up with me,” he said, taking one of the tubs of ice cream.

“Liar. You haven't cried over a girl since the first year,” Iwa-chan said.

 _Not in front of you_ , Oikawa thought glumly but plastered a smile on his face. “You know me too well. Now, come here and let's watch this movie for a long as we can before breaking down over our losses.” He laid down on the couch and patted the empty space in front of him.

Iwa-chan grinned and slid into the couch with him, her back to his chest. Oikawa wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his nose into her neck. He thanked the heavens that he was single. Iwa-chan was have denied letting him cuddle her if he hadn't been and Oikawa was not in the mood to be denied Iwa-chan's warmth and the feeling of her strong back pressed up against him.

Thirty minutes into the movie Oikawa let out the first sob. He hadn't been paying attention to what had been going on for the last five minutes anyways. He knew the movie by heart. Iwa-chan paused the movie and placed both of their ice cream tubs on the floor before turning over, her nose brushing against his.

“Tooru,” she breathed and Oikawa broke down.

He should be embarrassed about how he howled and sobbed into her neck. He should be ashamed of the alarming amount of snot and tears that came out of him. He should never allow Iwa-chan to see him this ugly and torn.

But Iwa-chan had never judged him. Teased him endlessly about it later but in the moment there couldn't have been a better person by his side. Oikawa constantly thanked the gods for the wonderful person that Iwa-chan was. 

“It's okay,” she sniffled, wiping his tears away with one hand and carding through his hair with the other. “I understand. My spike went out of bounds for the last point. Can you believe it? It was thirty to twenty-nine and my spike went out of bounds.” She hiccuped and Oikawa caressed her cheek with his thumb.

“I'm so sorry,” he choked out.

She blinked at him with teary and flashed him a small smile. “It happens, right? I can make mistakes like that, right? That's not bad?”

“Sh, Hajime. No one's asking you to be perfect. We all mess up. It's okay. It's not your fault.”

“I could tell you the same thing,” she said.

Oikawa shook his head. “But you know that you won't convince me.”

“I know,” she said, voice breaking. “But I need to at least try.”

“So sweet, my dear Hajime. You should become girlfriend so that you can constantly shower me in your kind words.”

“Asshole, I do that without being your girlfriend,” she replied, resting her forehead on his.

“I know,” he whispered, closing his eyes and relishing in her warmth and comfort. He focused on trying to stop the heaving of his chest and the wet sobs that still came out. He focused on all the points of his body that touched Iwa-chan, paying special attention to her forehead gently resting on his.

It was just so peaceful, so familiar, so nice to be held in her arms. Iwa-chan buried her face in his chest and cried her heart out. She screamed at herself for not saving that one ball, not having her spike go inbounds, how hard her team had worked, how they didn't deserve this shit. Oikawa reciprocated with his own sobs, his shortcomings, how much he hated seeing his underclassmen cry.

They stayed in this little huddle until their tears subsided and all that was left was the occasional hiccup. Oikawa finally opened his eyes and took in the girl in front of her. Iwa-chan always teased him for being an ugly crier but she wasn't much better herself. She looked like a mess, but she was his mess and he wouldn't change her for the world.

Her eyes fluttered up, red and bloodshot. She one last finally sniffle before leaning in and rubbing their noses together. Oikawa scrunched his nose up, his heart fluttering at the innocent gesture. She shot him a look that's nothing short of adoration and said quietly, “The ice cream isn't going to finish itself.”

“Neither is the movie,” Oikawa said, grinning. He sat up and brought Iwa-chan up with him. Iwa-chan snuggled into his arms, sighing contently. She handed him his ice cream and Oikawa put the movie back on. Iwa-chan nestled her head into his neck, legs draped on his and feet dangling a few centimeters off the floor. Oikawa wrapped his arms around her waist and laid his cheek on top of her head. They slowly ate their ice cream as the movie played on, Oikawa occasionally reciting whole scenes by heart and Iwa-chan laughing and calling him a dork.

They stay wrapped up in each long after the movie ended and the ice cream was gone. Oikawa has the urge to kiss her and taste the ice cream on her lips but he settles with wiping it off with his thumb and licking it.

“That's disgusting,” said Iwa-chan, wrinkling her nose.

“Indirect kiss with Iwa-chan,” Oikawa replied, licking his lips. He's pretty sure he imagined it, but Iwa-chan's seemed to linger on his tongue for a fraction of a second longer than it should have. But it's dark and the TV light was too dim to be sure, so Oikawa chalked it up as wishful thinking.

He fell back down on the couch and she went down with him. She laid on his chest, cheek pressed above the space where his heart was beating erratically. Oikawa ran his fingers through her hair and watched as she relaxed, a faint smile on her lips. She started to trace his collarbones, eyes half-lidded. Oikawa couldn't make out her expression but he really wished he could. She must have a very cute face since she was paying so much attention to him.

They stay like this for a long, long time, neither of them moving and the only sound being their breathing. Oikawa wished that time would stop and that they could stay like this forever. But morning will come and they will have to get on with their lives, this night nothing more but a memory.

But as he laid there, stroking her hair and loving the way her eyes traced his neck, he couldn't have hoped for a better memory.

 

 

–

 

He made out with Iwa-chan during summer break that year.

Okay, let him explain a little.

The captain of the basketball team had confessed his undying love for Iwa-chan the day before summer break. He had done during lunch too, did a whole spectacle. He stood on a table, pointed to Iwa-chan, and then went off to list all of the things that he liked about her.

To be fair to the guy, he did have some nice pointers. Oikawa agreed with him on the majority of things that he said. Yes, Iwa-chan was a super strong and could probably beat up half the school without blinking an eye. Yes, Iwa-chan looked super, super cute when she smiled. Yes, she was really nice to everyone she met. And absolutely he would die to go out with her.

The basketball captain ended his great spectacle by striding over to her, getting on one knee, and asking her to be his girlfriend.

The whole room was silent, waiting for her reaction. However, for some odd reason, most of them were looking at Oikawa, who was next to Iwa-chan this whole time, with a funny face. Some even looked over at Yoshida, who only raised an eyebrow and looked at Oikawa.

“I-I'll think about it,” was her nervous answer.

Which was not what Oikawa wanted to hear at all. He wanted her to turn him down. Smile at him sweetly and say, “I'm sorry, but there is someone else I like” and then quickly glance at Oikawa.

But, of course, that was selfish and unrealistic and Oikawa bit the inside of his cheek in hopes of quell the raging jealousy within him. Of course, that didn't work and Oikawa refused to look at the basketball captain in fear of giving him the stink eye and making everyone aware of his feeling towards Iwa-chan.

Oikawa wondered if maybe it would have hurt less if he still had his girlfriend. She had dumped him over text the day before, saying that he put too much attention on volleyball and not on her. It was a fair accusation and Oikawa didn't blame her for it but it wasn't as if she hadn't been warned. He had told her when he had accepted that volleyball came first and she had nodded her head. A three months later, she dumped him over the very thing he had warned her about.

Despite it's horrible end, it had been a nice relationship. They had balanced each other out well and it had easily been the longest relationship Oikawa had ever been in. Even Iwa-chan had been impressed so Oikawa gave himself a mental high-five for reaching the milestone of 'Yes, I can date someone for more than a month.” But Oikawa needed to prove that he could go the extra mile, stay much longer. He had almost been able to do that with his now ex-girlfriend, but now…

“Don't worry, Oikawa. Someone will ask you out soon enough,” Iwa-chan told him on the fourth day of summer vacation.

Oikawa frowned and rolled over to her, the grass scratching his bare skin. “I'm not worried about that. I already had a couple girls send me their love letters through the mail.”

Iwa-chan snorted. She sported a simple black t-shirt and shorts that showed off her beautiful legs. Those gorgeous calves were really starting to haunt Oikawa at this point. Seeing them constantly didn't help him at all.

“Are you bragging about that or stating it?”

Oikawa scoffed. “Iwa-chan, I am very hurt! Since when have I ever bragged?”

“Get over yourself, Shittykawa.”

Oikawa stuck out his tongue. “You say that but the Kakashi-san asked you out as though he was asking to marry you.” Iwa-chan blushed and looked away but it went up to her ears so Oikawa was still able to observe the deep shade of red she was.

“Shut the fuck up,” she mumbled.

Oikawa grinned impishly. “Embarrassed? But he did such a sweet thing for you! I would have said yes right on the spot.” Oikawa blinked. “Why didn't you say yes?”

Not that Oikawa had wanted her to say yes. She had given him a maybe and a maybe meant a possible yes and _holy shit, what if Iwa-chan falls in love with him and totally forgets about Oikawa what would Oikawa ever do-_

“I panicked,” she replied. “I didn't know what to say but I didn't want to turn him down.”

“Ah. I suppose that's reasonable,” Oikawa said, looking up at the clouds in hopes of Iwa-chan not noticing the face he made.

Thankfully she was too invested on her fingers to notice. “It's just… I've only been in a relationship with one other person. All I know is how to react romantically with that person. I don't-I don't think I'm capable of, I dunno, kissing another guy for example. What if he doesn't like it?”

“That's very unlike you to say that,” Oikawa said, stifling his laughter. “Is Iwa-chan uncertain of her kissing skills? If someone were to tell you that you were alright then you would say yes to Kakashi-san?”

“Maybe,” she answered, her face turning another shade of red. “Why're you asking all of this? It's creepy.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You're the one who brought it up.” He hesitated before glancing over his shoulder and saying, “So what you want is something like a kissing coach?”

“What are you suggesting, shittykawa?” she asked, how flustered she was showing through her voice.

Oikawa couldn't believe what he said next. Oikawa shouldn't have said what he had said next. But he turned over to Iwa-chan with a sparkle in his eyes and said, “I'll be your teacher.”

“ _No._ ”

Oikawa pouted. “Oh, come onnn, Iwa-chan! I'm giving you the chance of a lifetime! You get to learn all of my secret techniques! A boy's perspective of making out!”

“Who the hell said that I wanted to make out with anyone?” Iwa-chan said furiously.

“Okay, okay. If you don't want that, that's fine by me. But, let me teach you? Just a little? Iwa-chan please stop making that face. I know you don't think I'm that disgusting.”

“I'm not kissing my best friend,” she said, wrinkling her nose.

“Why not? I'm handsome, have plenty of experience, and you don't have to worry about my judging you about wanting to learn how to kiss. Okay, maybe I will judge you a little but it won't be that bad. It's all part of the learning process.”

“I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I ha-”

“If you really felt that way you wouldn't be blushing like that,” Oikawa teased.

Iwa-chan groaned loudly. “I'm blushing because you're so embarrassing. See, this is why I don't come to you about things like this. You always make a joke about-”

“I'm not joking,” said Oikawa quietly. “If you really want need someone to tell you how good of a kisser you are I would do it.”

“Did you get that from a shoujo manga or something?” she grumbled.

“Was it really that cheesy? C'mon, Iwa-chan, I promise that my teasing will be a minimum.”

She chewed her bottom lip, avoiding looking at Oikawa eyes. “Okay. I'll do. But only when I say so, okay? Let me just… let me just compose myself.”

“Compose yourself?” asked Oikawa, trying hard not to let his teasing tone show.

Iwa-chan rolled over and punched his shoulder.

The rest of the break was spent wondering when Iwa-chan would ask him. He spent an embarrassing amount of time in front his mirror those days, deciding between what type of chapstick he would use and making sure that his skin was flawless. Most girls liked it when his lips were just soft, but some had told him that they liked flavored chapstick. What did Iwa-chan like? Also, that better not become a zit, there was no way that it was a zit, _aaaannndd_ , it's a zit, _fuck._

But Iwa-chan was oddly silent on that matter. She acted almost as though that conversation never occurred. If she had said no, Oikawa wouldn't have minded so much. In all honesty it was probably one of the dumbest things that Oikawa had ever suggested. However, she hadn't said no and Oikawa felt like a dog that had been promised a treat but was still waiting for it.

Halfway through summer break Oikawa gives up going through his beauty routine. Maybe Iwa-chan had forgotten about it. Oikawa kind of hoped that she had. It had been a stupid idea to begin with.

But she hadn't forgotten. The day before school started and around 8pm Iwa-chan knocked at his door and told him, “I'm ready.”

Oikawa stared at her dumbly. “I-I don't understand.”

“I said, I'm ready,” she repeated, a light blush on her cheeks and sounding agitated.

“I heard you the first time. You're ready for what? Bedtime? Volleyball? C'mon, Iwa-chan. Give me something to work with."

Iwa-chan ground her teeth and her blush increased. “Are you kidding me?”

“I never kid.”

“Oh god, _the kissing thing._ Please don't tell me you forgot,” she pleaded, now tomato red.

Oikawa blinked, his cheeks gaining the same color as Iwa-chan's. “I-um-what? Now? You had the whole of summer break to ask me and you want to do this now?”

“Sh-shut up!” she exclaimed, somewhere between furious and embarrassed. “It took me a while to collect myself, okay? Because I know that after I- our relationship could change.”

Oikawa laughed a little. “Change? Iwa-chan, you act as though we've never kissed before.”

“Well, er, this is- this is different. This-this is much more serious and, um-” she stuttered madly and looked away.

Oikawa laughed harder. “Cat got your tongue, Iwa-chan?” he leered, leaning down so that they were nose to nose.

Iwa-chan puffed up her cheeks and glared at him. “Are we gonna do this or did I come all the way over here for nothing?”

Oikawa licked his lips. His parents would be back later that night so now was a good time as any to do it.

“We can do it now,” Oikawa said, straightening his back. He gestured for Iwa-chan to come in. “After you, my dear.” Iwa-chan swore under her breath but did as he said.

She slipped off her shoes. “Where?”

“I guess my bedroom. If my parents do come back early I don't want them getting any ideas.”

“Yeah, wouldn't want that,” said Iwa-chan, sounding bitter.

Oikawa frowned. “They'd assume we're dating and then we couldn't do things alone. I was never allowed to have any of my girlfriends over if they weren't there. I don't want that to happen with you.”

“Ah,” she said, still sounding a little bitter. “I see.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes and pushed her up the stairs. “Let's just… let's just do this, okay?” Iwa-chan nodded slightly.

The reality of the situation crashed down on Oikawa once he had closed the door and Iwa-chan had made herself comfortable on his bed. His hands shook as he let go of the doorknob, his heart rate suddenly rising. He made his way to Iwa-chan who was inspecting an alien head on his comforter.

She looked so beautiful, so pure. So wonderful and nice. All Oikawa wanted to do was cup her cheeks and nuzzle her neck, whispering his endless love for her.

“Oikawa?” she asked, looking up at him and tilting her head in confusion. “You okay? You look a little… off. We-we don't have to do this now...”

“It's fine,” Oikawa said breathlessly. “I'm fine. I just-um, this is awkward.”

“I'm well aware,” Iwa-chan commented, still staring at him.

Oikawa took in a deep breath, trying to suck away all of his nervousness, and sat down in front of her. She blinked at him.

“Ah, um, what do you want me to teach you?”he asked her.

She rolled her eyes. “Everything? I guess?” she answered, her cheeks flaring up with color again.

At least he wasn't the only one that was nervous. “Okay,” he said, leaning in closer to her. “Okay.” He took her in, every inch of her beautiful tan skin and wide eyes. When he was this close, he could make out the soft freckles that dotted the bridge of her nose and can smell the scent that is irrevocably her's. “You ready? I'm going to start out slow.”

She gave him a slight nod.

Hands trembling, he gently cupped her cheeks and made sure that she was looking at him. “Eye contact is essential,” he said, hoping that maybe if he talked his way through this his nerves would calm down. “Make them know that they're the only thing you're thinking about.”

“Hmm,” she said, definitely taking his words to heart. Oikawa felt like he was melting under her gaze, like she was swallowing him up.

“Fast learner,” he said under his breath. “I don't know about other guys but I almost never start kissing someone by their lips. That would be too quick, too easy. They have to wait.” He pressed a soft kiss under her eye and felt her shudder out a breath.

Interesting.

He kissed her in the same spot on the other side and then went on to continually go south until he was hovering over her lips. Iwa-chan was breathing hard at this point, looking at his lips with barely contained interest. Oikawa smirked a little. “See? Gotta work for it.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips, trying to memorize how it felt for later reference. He let go of her cheeks and smiled at her. “Your turn.”

Iwa-chan snapped out of her daze. “I'm sorry?”

“Do exactly what I did.”

“But what if he doesn't like it?”

Oikawa shrugged. “I'm just showing you how I do things so that you have more of a repertoire. If you don't want to do it then-”

“I'll do it,” she said quickly, cupping his cheeks with her hands. Oikawa felt as though his whole face burst into flame. She hadn't even done anything and he already felt faint. “It can't be that hard, right? Just be gentle and teasing?”

“I never tease,” Oikawa said but Iwa-chan shut him up by kissing his forehead. It was so sweet, so innocent, so roughly done as though this kiss was done only to shut him up. Not that he was complaining.

Iwa-chan's ghost-like pecks trailed all the way to his lips. She told Oikawa that he teased but Iwa-chan was at least ten times worse. She pressed her lips hard enough that he felt them but not enough that he _felt_ them. There but only barely. It was only made worse that every time she neared his lips she pulled back and redid the whole process.

By the fourth time she did it Oikawa let out a small whine. It seemed that that had been exactly what she had been waiting for because she back over his lips, eyes dancing with a strange light.

“Had enough?” she asked mockingly.

“And you call me a tease?” he retorted, exasperated.

“I had to do things a little differently. Couldn't have you knowing what I was going to do.”

“I hate you,” he breathed.

Iwa-chan kissed it off. “You wish.”

“Hm,” Oikawa replied, entranced by the feel of her lips on his. “I think that you're good. I don't think that-”

“You said that we'd be making out,” Iwa-chan pointed out. “So this is just the beginning.”

“Wait, did you take that heart?” Oikawa squeaked. “Like, you want to do that?”

“You-you told me that-!”

Oikawa bit his bottom lip. “I mean, I really don't mind but I thought that you didn't want that?” Iwa-chan blinked and opened her mouth but no words came out. Oikawa couldn't help the coy smirk that crawled unto his face. “Oh, so Iwa-chan did want to make out with me? I was kidding but if you really want...”

“You promised,” she said, paying way too much attention to the way that his lips moved around his words. But that's okay because all Oikawa could think about was finally doing what he had dreamed about for years, even if the situation was rather unconventional.

“I did, didn't I? Can't keep you waiting,” he said, leaning forward and brushing their lips together. “I'll do what I do, and you do what you do, okay? Feel free to change the pace.”

“Wait, wha-” Oikawa silenced her by surging forward and capturing her mouth. He cupped her jaw and pulled her closer, loving the way that she felt against him. Her lips were smooth and soft and tasted faintly of cherry, his favorite fruit.

But before he could think about that too much, Oikawa found himself melting into her warm and pliant mouth. She let him angle her face and press their mouths together. He felt her shudder against him and she pressed back eagerly, slowly starting to move by herself.

Oikawa let out a breathy sigh, feeling as though he were coming home. “You're a natural at this, Hajime,” he whispered against her lips. “Let's take this one step further though, okay?”

If she had said anything it was swallowed up by her gasp as Oikawa slowly pried her mouth open.

 _Finally_ , he thought as she scrambled to find something to hold onto as her head tipped back and Oikawa released her with a wet pop. It was incredibly lewd and incredibly loud but Oikaw didn't care. His head was light and he felt giddy with joy at being able to make Iwa-chan have such a nice response. He couldn't wait to figure out what other noises she could make.

He dove back in again and swiped the tip of his tongue across her bottom lip. Her mouth lulled open, whether in surprise or not Oikawa would never know, but he relished in the victory of claiming her mouth and properly slotting them together. He continued with these open-mouthed kisses, occasionally sucking on her bottom lip just to get her antsy.

He was certain that he had the situation under control until Iwa-chan's hands clamped down at the back of his head and she pulled his hair.

Now there was something that he didn't know he was into.

The pace so far had been slow and languid and Iwa-chan did nothing to change that. But she certainly did change who was calling the shots. While one hand was used to gently pull his hair (Was it bad that he was enjoying that?), the other one was used to position his face so that she had better access. Oikawa's hands drifted from her cheeks and settled on her hips, giving her full reign of the situation.

And boy did she make use of it.

Oikawa couldn't help the noise that rose out of his throat when Iwa-chan's curiously poked her tongue into his mouth. His mind became such a mess that his only coherent thoughts were _Iwa-chan, warm,_ and _yes._ Oikawa had never been a huge fan of french-kissing, mostly because the majority of people tended to shove their tongues down his throat. But he could make an exception for Iwa-chan.

He opened his mouth more, encouraging her to explore more of his mouth. And she did, her tongue slipping through his teeth and pressing against his own tongue. Her grip on his hair tightened and Oikawa found it hard to breathe. He pulled back for a moment, panting.

"Iwa-chan," he managed to choke out before she pulled him right back in.

Choirs of angels came down of the heavens and sang Iwa-chan's praises. Where they being noisy? Oikawa couldn't tell. He couldn't hear anything over his intense desire of Iwa-chan.

Or better yet, _Hajime._

Iwa-chan had always liked being in control, the top dog, the alpha. So Oikawa wasn't surprised when she pushed him down and climbed on top of him, elbows on both sides of his face.

She looked predatory, ready to devour him with her eyes wide open and soft pants escaping her lips. Oikawa could only imagine what he looked like her, brown curls splayed out on the comforter, breathing raspy and clothes bunched up so that his stomach and collar bone showed. It must have been empowering, seeing him this disheveled in his house, in his room, on his bed because of something that she had done.

“Are you admiring me, Hajime?” he teased, fluttering his eyes and smirking slightly. He licked his bottom lip, loving the way her face contorted at his teasing.

“You're so vain, Tooru,” she said, wiping off that smirk with a violent open-mouthed kiss that made their teeth clack and sent shudders down Oikawa's spine. He wouldn't have minded if Iwa-chan humbled him like this some more. Oikawa shivered and trembled under her. He loved this, he loved her, but he needed more. More passion, more heat, more Iwa-chan. He wanted to drown in her scent and the feelings of their mouths pressed together.

The only things that made him realize that maybe that wasn't such a good was when Iwa-chan pressed a spot on the back of his throat and Oikawa let out a relatively loud (and embarrassing) “ _Ah~”_

Suddenly Oikawa became very aware of how close their bodies were pressed together, how over the line they had both gone. He loved this sensation, wanted more out of this, but he couldn't. It was selfish and wrong. He shouldn't be taking advantage of her like this, using her wish to become a better kisser for his own means.

Guilt and anger gnawed at his stomach as he pushed her away. They stared at each other, both looking absolutely ravished. Chest heaving, Iwa-chan asked, “Why?”

 _I want more,_ her eyes seemed to say.

“That's enough,” said Oikawa patting her shoulder. “You've proved herself to be a good kisser. Excellent at make-outs. Oikawa Tooru approved,” he said, propping himself up on his elbows. It's only now that he noticed that she was straddling his crotch. Oikawa thanked every single deity on earth that his body had somehow behaved. He gently pushed her off of him and she tumbled back, head hitting the pillow.

“What an honor,” she said, though her voice is light and shaky. She looked at him with dazed eyes. “You're not that bad yourself either. Those girls were right.”

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Do you gossip about me?"

Iwa-chan blinked and turned her face away, face red. “You hear things.”

“Hm,” Oikawa said, sitting up properly. “What things did you hear?”

“That you're good with your mouth,” she mumbled, still not facing him. 

Oikawa smiled shyly at her. He had been told that he was a pretty good kisser but it was different hearing it from Iwa-chan. “You liked it? The practice was-was good?”

“Practice?” she asked, confused. “Oh, um, yeah. It was good. The-um- practice was great. Helped me loads.”

Oikawa frowned. “You don't sound convinced. Do we need to do it agai-”

She let out a groan. “I don't think that I can handle a second round.” Before Oikawa could ask her what she meant by that, she said, “Thank you, for this. I-I really appreciate it.”

Oikawa gave her a lopsided grin. “I'm always up for this. You need it, I'm here.”

“I-I'll keep that in mind,” she said, slowly getting off the bed and hiding her face from him. “I'll keep that in mind.” She turned to look at him with such a gentle and slightly hopeful expression that Oikawa couldn't help but contemplate the impossible.

_Did Iwa-chan like me? More than a friend? Was this not so much practice for her but more of an excuse of kiss me, like I had thought about it?_

But then, two weeks later, Oikawa walked in on Iwa-chan kissing Kakashi-san in the back gym and his threw away those hopes and dreams into the trash.

 

–

 

Kagome did the spit-take when he asked her to be his boyfriend.

Iwa-chan was off doing something with her new boyfriend (ugh) so he could now ask Kagome out without feeling guilty.

Kagome wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and smiled nervously at the poor kid next to them that had gotten the bulk of her soda.

“Sorry,” she apologized. The boy only scrunched his face up in disgust and moved further away from them.

Oikawa sighed. At least they wouldn't have to worry about him eavesdropping.

Kagome turned back to him, waving her soda bottle in front of him. “Did I hear you right? Did you just ask me out?”

Oikawa grinned. “I mean, if you want you can take it as me just being friendly. But yes, the main idea of going to the movies together, alone, does usually fall under asking out.” His grin grew as Kagome blushed.

“You're kidding me,” she said. “You've gotta be kidding me.”

“Kagome-chan, I don't kid." He hesitated then added, "At least not about these things.”

“I thought that you liked Iwaizumi-chan?" Kagome said, voice going up towards the end.

Oikawa's stomach dropped. He looked down at his hands and said, “You-you aren't wrong exactly, but not quite right either. My feelings for Iwa-chan are more, um, romantically-oriented than platonic. But I've come in terms with the fact that she would never look at me like that and that I shouldn't pursue a relationship like that with her.”

“So does that make me a second choice?” asked Kagome. Oikawa looked up in panic but she didn't seem mad. Just curious.

“No. Iwa-chan is my best friend but you're the person that I feel that I can have a nice, long, steady romantic relationship with.”

“But you still like Iwaizumi-chan. I don't think that it's fair to subject the both of us into something like that when you already like someone else," Kagome pointed out.

“But I can't like Iwa-chan anymore!” he said, exasperated. “I-I know what this sounds like but please understand. I really like you, I really do. You're funny, sweet, supportive, and athletic. You-you've helped so many times when I was just a stranger and even more when we became friends. I know that I can fall in love with you. I _will_ fall in love with you.” He took her hands into his and looked at her with pleading eyes. "So, just... give me a chance?"

“Kind of hard to say no to that,” she admitted, laughing a little. “And I'd be lying if I said I didn't like you at least a little…” she bit her bottom lip. “Okay, I accept. I'll be your girlfriend. So long as if  when we do break up, for whatever reason, we remain friends because I like you too much to never talk to you again.”

“It's a deal,” breathed Oikawa, grateful and elated by her response.

And so began probably the best relationship that Oikawa had ever had. Helped not only by the fact that he did actually really like Kagome but also by the promise they had made about still being friends. It was nice to have a relationship that didn't ask for forever. Just a while. It was a nice change from his past relationships.

At first Oikawa had thought Iwa-chan would like Kagome. They had talked to each a couple of times and had been very friendly with each other. They had found a common interest in hatred for underclassmen who thought that they were hot shit and an intense love for physics.

However, when Oikawa announced that Kagome was his new girlfriend, Iwa-chan couldn't have been colder.

“Yoshida-kun had warned me about this,” Kagome said, sighing.

“I'm sorry?"

“Oh, don't worry about it Tooru-kun," she said, waving a hand and laughing.

Oikawa frowned. He knew people well enough to know that something like that wasn't just a passing comment. Somehow, Kagome knew why Iwa-chan was acting the way she was. Oikawa hoped that Iwa-chan would get over her weird behavior and be friends with Kagome.

It never happened.

The worst of it happened the day that Kagome brought him a homemade bento. Oikawa had been sitting with Iwa-chan and Kakashi-san, talking about how much he wanted this winter to end. 

“I can't wait to wear shorts again,” Oikawa babbled, absentmindedly chewing on his chopsticks.

“You wear shorts all the time,” Kakashi-san pointed out. 

"No, I don't. That's why I'm complaining," said Oikawa, waving a hand.

"He's talking about your volleyball uniform, Trashykawa," said Iwa-chan in a bored tone.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Those don't count! I only wear them inside. I want to go outside in them and not feel like I'm going to get frostbite.”

“Bet you could run so fast that you won't feel the cold,” said Kakashi-san, grinning.

“That's not physically possible,” Iwa-chan said. “Not in this cold.”

“Who stuck that stick up your ass, Hajime-chan?” asked Kakashi-san, grinning frighteningly. Oikawa blinked in surprise but Iwa-chan only slitted her eyes at her boyfriend.

Before Iwa-chan got snap back at him, Kagome barreled into the scene. “Tooru-kun! There you are! I've been looking all over for you!” she cried, sliding into the chair next to him. Iwa-chan frowned at her and Kakashi-san narrowed his eyes at Iwa-chan. “You have to tell me where you're going next time! I had to ask Matsukawa-kun where I could find you.”

“Sorry,” Oikawa apologized, smiling sheepishly.

Kagome shook her head. “It's fine Just don't go running off like that again!” She turned to the people in front of her. “Kakashi-kun! Iwaizumi-chan! It's good to see the two of you here!”

“Nice to see you too, Kagome-chan,” Kakashi-san replied. Iwa-chan only narrowed her eyes.

Kagome brushed off Iwa-chan's glare and turned back to Oikawa. She thrust a box into his hands. “For you,” she said with a flourish, smiling shyly.

“You didn't have to,” Oikawa mumbled, taking it from her and feeling his cheeks flare up. “I know that you don't like to cook.”

“Ah I didn't do it all by myself. My mom did most of it.” She winked and Oikawa laughed. He opened up the box to see what was inside. “She cooked it and I arranged it. I know it's kinda plain but-”

“I love it,” said Oikawa, grinning. Who cared if it was plain? Kagome had gone through the effort to something as nice as this and Oikawa wasn't one to be ungrateful. He wanted to give her a quick kiss to show his gratitude but remembered that he was in public and hugged her instead. He pushed his own bento box in her direction. “I know it's not the same but please accept my mother's cooking for now.”

“I love your mom's cooking though,” said Kagome, taking the box from him.

Iwa-chan frowned. “You've met his parents?”

“Hm?” Kagome said, in the middle of stuffing her face with rice. She quickly swallowed and beamed at Iwa-chan. “Yeah! A two, three weeks ago, I think? They were really nice. You're so lucky to live right next to him! Bet you go over his house all the time to eat. I know that I would.”

“Please don't eat us out of house and home, Kagome. Only the gods know how much food you can eat,” Oikawa said.

Kagome snorted. “Too late. I know where you live. Expect me at dinnertime every night."

“With pleasure," said Oikawa, voice soft and full of affection.

Iwa-chan's eye twitched.

The four of them ate in silence after that. Oikawa occasionally peered over at Iwa-chan and her boyfriend. He noticed that they seemed to go out of their way to avoid each other. They may have been sitting side-by-side but they couldn't have seemed farther apart. Were they fighting at the moment? What a shame. And Kagome and Oikawa had basically flirted in front of the struggling couple.

“Hey, Kagome-chan,” said Oikawa. “Do you want something from the vending machine? I have money.” Iwa-chan stilled and turned to Kagome, waiting for her response. Oikawa blinked at Iwa-chan. “You want something too? I don't mind going over and getting something for the both of you.”

“I'm fine, Tooru-kun,” said Kagome. “I think that Iwaizumi-chan will accept your offer though.”

“Don't decide for me,” Iwa-chan snapped, but she got up anyways. Oikawa and Iwa-chan left the classroom, leaving their respective other alone with each other.

“Why do you hate Kagome-chan so much? Also, what's up with you and Kakashi-san?” Oikawa blurted.

Iwa-chan grit her teeth. “I don't hate Oshiro-chan. And that's none of your busisness.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Sure you don't hate Kagome-chan. I've been imagining your awful attitude towards her this whole time.”

Iwa-chan grimaced. “I was hoping you wouldn't notice,” she confessed leaning against the vending machine.

Oikawa shook his head and sighed. “It's not like you were being subtle. What do you not like about her? She's been nothing but wonderful.”

Iwa-chan sighed loudly. “I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that I know that she gets drunk on the weekends. You know that I hate underage drinking. And she seems too… too nice. Too perfect. And she's always trying to get on my good side and that bugs me.” She turned her face to the side and added, “Also I-I feel like you have less time for me.”

“Is Iwa-chan jealous?” asked Oikawa, smiling. “That's a first.” He pressed the button of his choice drink and watched it tumble down.

“Shut up.”

“Iwa-chan shouldn't be jealous,” Oikawa said. “No matter what she's my number one so...” he crouched down to snag his drink.

“I don't feel like it,” she mumbled, taking the money that Oikawa offered her.

Oikawa laughed. “You're just not used to me having a steady girlfriend like Kagome-chan.”

“I suppose,” Iwa-chan mumbled, shoving her own bill in.

“If I ever make you feel bad, please tell me. I don't want that. Kagome-chan and I are very aware that our relationship won't last long. We're just making the best of it." Oikawa looked up at Iwa-chan. "Our friendship is the longest and best thing I have ever had.” Iwa-chan punched in her drink and Oikawa took it out. He threw it up to her and she caught it, staring dumbly down at him. “Please don't ever forget that you're the best thing that I've ever had.”

“Okay,” she said, clutching the drink. "I-I'll try."

Oikawa raised an eyebrow. “Well, now that that's out of the way...” Oikawa drawled, opening his drink and taking a big chug. Iwa-chan stared at his neck. Was his adam's apple bobbing too much? Damn, now he felt insecure. “Tell me about you and your boyfriend.”

Iwa-chan slumped against the wall and glared at her shoes. “Yeah, we're fighting. I think that we're going to break up soon. It was going so well and then...” She stuck out her tongue. “It's been shit. The exact same thing happened with me and Yoshida.”

“If it's something that's popped up twice you might want to either find a partner that doesn't mind it or eliminate all together.”

Iwa-chan side-eyed him. “If only it were that easy.”

"With a little bit of elbow grease anything is possible," Oikawa said with a wink. Iwa-chan cracked a smile at this. 

They walked back to where Kakashi-san and Kagome were. When they arrived they found their partners huddled together, foreheads touching and looking grim. Kakashi-san seemed to relaying some kind of information and Kagome was listening. She kept chewing her bottom lip and nodding her head, taking it all in.

“Um, did we walk in on something important?” Oikawa asked, approaching them.

Kakashi-san blinked up at him. “Oh, it's nothing important.” Kagome nodded in agreement. “I was just telling her about this one team that we have to go up against in the basketball tournament. Ever heard of Karasuno?”

Oikawa groaned loudly and Iwa-chan rolled her eyes. “Have I ever?” Oikawa then launched into his story about Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan and everyone at Karasuno. Kakashi-san seemed taken aback but Iwa-chan and Kagome took his rant with a grain of salt.

Oikawa was just finishing up telling him about Tobio-chan dumping a set during their first game when the bell rang. They all excused themselves and hurried off back to class.

“Were you and Kakashi-san really talking about that?” Oikawa asked as they reached their classroom.

Kagome hesitated. “Kinda. There were a couple of other things that he told me but… none of it was new.” Oikawa opened his mouth to ask what had happened but Kagome shook her head. “I'll tell you about it some other time, okay?”

Oikawa wondered when that would be and why the two most important girls in his life refused to let him help them.

 

–

 

Oikawa's first and only high school party happened towards the end of the year. He had been in a total slump due to the loss against Karasuno at Spring High. He had been so, so sure that this would finally, finally be their chance to get to nationals.

But nope.

Nope.

Fucking Karasuno with fucking Tobio-chan, and fucking Chibi-chan, and fucking Resfreshing-kun, and fucking captain, and every single one of those fucking goddamn birds just had to get better. Just enough to beat Seijou in the quarter-finals.

After his heartfelt confessions and teary farewells to his beloved uniform, Oikawa felt like he was in constant danger of punching a wall.

Is that what Iwa-chan had felt like also as she watched the ball drop between her and a teammate in the Spring High final against Niimiya high?

God, he was so angry and frustrated and pissed and-

“Hey, wanna go out with me tonight? The Hitachi twins are having a party at their house tonight.”

Oikawa blinked at Kagome who smiled at him impishly. “A party? Kagome, you know that I do many things but I do not party.”

“Awh, come on! Don't be a wet towel!” She poked his side. “Loosen up! We're almost done with school! We all know what college we're going to and you've never been to a party. Live a little, Tooru!”

Oikawa chewed his bottom lip. “Iwa-chan wouldn't like it.”

Kagome sighed. “We've been over this, Tooru. Just because she's been recently watching you like a hawk doesn't mean that she won't let you go to a party. I know the twins personally and all their parties ever have are booze. Besides, my folks are out of the town so we can crash at my house and not worry about you showing up at your parent's door wasted.”

Oikawa wrinkled his nose. “What would I tell them? I'm sleeping over at my girlfriend's? They'll be real happy about that,” he said, rolling his eyes.

Kagome grinned. “I got you covered in case. Yoshida is going as well and he told me that if you went you could say that you were at his house.”

“His parents won't know?”

“His parents aren't home for the week and Yoshdia updates them constantly. He'll be the sober friend.”

“Why is he the sober friend?” whined Oikawa. “Why can't I be the sober friend?”

“Let's face it, Tooru. You need this night out. You need to go and do something with yourself. You're eighteen, goddamnit, and I've never seen you go out. Be a teenager. Be stupid. C'mon! It'll be fuuun~”

Oikawa would be lying if he said he wasn't tempted in the slightest. It seemed like the perfect get-away, even if it was only a few hours. Besides, Kagome had gone to enough crazy parties that she could easily vouch for what the Hitachi twins had in store for them.

“Alright,” he relented. “I'll go. Just make sure that Yoshida picks me up and tells Iwa-chan what's going on.”

Kagome cheered. “You won't regret! I promise!”

He would regret it.

He would regret it so much.

Yoshida picked him up at his house at six, just like he promised. He rolled down the window and grinned. “Ready to get your ass kicked at Super Mario Bros?” he shouted.

“Hell no! You're the one whose going down!” said Oikawa, cheerfully bounding down the steps. Iwa-chan poked her head out of the window of her house.

“You two better not get into any trouble!” she hollered as Oikawa opened the car door.

Oikawa stuck his tongue out. “Iwa-chan, are you my mom?”

“What?!"

“Nothing, nothing! I promise I'll be good.” He slid into the passengers seat and stuck his head out the window. “Bye, Iwa-chan! See you tomorrow!” he called, waving at her. She reluctantly waved back. Oikawa settled into the car seat and let out a sigh of relief once they were out of his neighborhood.

“I've never done this before,” Oikawa admitted nervously.

“I know, you goody-two-shoes. I don't blame you but at this point there's nothing that anyone can do. We're eighteen now. I'm almost basically out of my house. My parents have already packed up my shit. College is right around the corner. School ends in less than a month. You can do this.”

“I just hope that I can get through the night without fucking something up,” Oikawa said, sighing.

And that's how Oikawa Tooru, age eighteen, found himself pressed up against bodies upon bodies at 3 am in the morning at a shitty high school party. Not that he would have noticed how bad it was, considering that he had drunk way too much alcohol for someone who had never had it before.

“What do you think?' Kagome screamed at him, trying to be heard over the booming loud speakers, her drink sloshing in her cup. She grinned up at him mischievously, licking her lips. “You having fun?”

“Yeah!” he said. “Yeah, I am! Are you?”

“I've been to better,” she answered, shrugging. “But it's a good start to your party career!”

“What party career?” he said, laughing. “Is this a job now?”

“I can see it now, Oikawa Tooru, party animal extraordinaire.” She was pressed up close to him, too close to a young hormonal teenage boy who did know how to handle the beer that was running through his veins.

Oikawa hiccuped. “I don't like. I'd rather be Grand King.”

“Grand King of what?”

“The volleyball court, duh!”

Kagome laughed. “You've so fucking drunk that you can barely stand up and you still have volleyball on your mind? We came here for you to forget that! C'mon, we gotta do something to get you out of that. I have a couple of movies at home. One of them has got to help you.”

Oikawa pouted. “But I want another one of those shots with soda.”

“Kid! You're a kid!”

“You're a kid now, you're a squid! You're a kid, you're a squid!” sang Oikawa, tittering.

Kagome threw her head back and laughed. “You're such a dork, you're such a dork.” She looped her arms around his neck and grinned. “My dork.”

“All your's, sweetie,” Oikawa slurred, leaning forward and pecking her cheek.

Kagome gave him an uncharacteristically shy smile and blushed. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.”

Oikawa opened his mouth to speak but just then Yoshida barged through the crowd at them. “We need to go now! Someone called the cops and they'll be here before you know it!”

Oikawa cursed under his breath. While the majority of people here were certainly of age for a wild house party the loud ruckus probably didn't bode well in this neighborhood.

Yoshida plowed through the crowd, pulling the two of them behind him. Oikawa and Kagome stumbled behind him, waving goodbye to all the kids they knew. They climbed into the backseat and off they went to Kagome's house.

Oikawa doesn't remember much else after that. He recalled snippets of him drunkenly singing along to English songs and the sensation of being cold, stripped down to his core and warmed by what felt like lamplight. However, it wasn't too hard to put two-and-two together when he woke up in cold sweat, naked, and next to Kagome, who was also in an equal state of undress.

 _Fuck,_ he thought, running his fingers through his hair. _Fuck._

What had he done? He couldn't have-there was no way that- well, he'd be lying if he said that he hadn't thought about it but not like this! Not when he was drunk out of his mind! He had to apologize to her as quickly as he could.

“Kagome,” he whispered, shaking her softly.

She snored loudly.

“Kagome,” he said a little more urgently, a little more harsh with his shaking.

She snored on.

“KAGOME!” he yelled. Kagome's eyes shot open and in her haste to get up she tumbled off the bed. Oikawa watched her go down, wincing out how much her butt must hurt from the fall. “Sorry, sorry! Are you okay? Are you mad?"

She wasn't mad. She was just… dejected, upset.

“Kagome? Is something wrong?” he asked, extending his hand to help her up.

She stared at his hand before looking up and replying, “We should break-up.”

Oikawa gaped at her. “What?”

“You heard me,” she said bitterly and it's only then that Oikawa noticed the bags under her eyes and her tear-streaked cheeks. “We should end this. Stop being boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa asked. “We're doing so well! I-I really like you, Kagome. I really do!”

“I know,” she choked, sniffling. “I know you do and that's what hurts the most. You like me but not enough. Not as much as Iwaizumi-chan.”

Oikawa shook his head. “No, no. Iwa-chan is my friend. You're my girlfriend. There is no competition.”

“We were so dumb,” she continued, ignoring Oikawa's protests. “So, so dumb. I-I can't believe I- you-we ever thought that this would work.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “This isn't fair to me.”

“What isn't fair to you? I'll change!” Oikawa said, leaning forward.

Kagome laughed hollowly. “If you could change it you would have already done it. No, it's not something that you can change and-and thinking about it now I realize that I can't change it either.” She sighed. “Kakashi-kun was right. Falling in love with you was the worst thing I could have done.”

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa asked nervously.

“Oikawa Tooru, I'm in love with you. Really, really in love with you. “ _I would love to spend my life by your side”_ in love with you. But...” her bottom lip quivered and she looked down at her hands. “You don't feel the same way. And I can't ask you to. It would be selfish of me. Almost as selfish as going out with you.”

“You-you aren't being selfish,” Oikawa protested, head swimming with her confession. He had always suspected that she liked him a lot more than she let on, but this was completely out of the ballpark. “I could learn to love you too.”

She smiled at him sadly. “No, you can't. Not while you're still in love with Iwaizumi-chan. It isn't fair for her, and it isn't fair for me. I love you, Tooru, but I love myself too much to torture myself like this.” She looked to the side. “We can still be friends. I can learn to un-love you. But you can't do that with Iwaizumi-chan.”

“I've been trying,” Oikawa said, voice wavering.

“I know. And that's why this has to stop. For the both of us. We can't hurt ourselves like this.”

“I'm not hurting myself!” Oikawa cried, desperate to hold this relationship together. He had never expected a forever, but he didn't want it to end like this or so soon. “Kagome, please understand that-”

“You called me Hajime,” she snapped, squeezing her eyes shut. “We had sex and you called me Hajime. You-you can't really expect me to-to just be okay with that!”

Oikawa stared at her, dumbstruck. He-he had called her Hajime?

Hajime?

He racked his brain to remember anything, anything , and all that happened was an even worse headache.

“I didn't mean it,” he stammered.

“I know,” she answered, teary-eyed. “I know.”

Kagome didn't talk to him anymore after that. She picked herself up and tossed Oikawa his clothes. Oikawa caught them and stared at her dumbly as she made her way to her closet. He pulled on his clothes and waited for Kagome to come out.

“I'll take you home,” she said and Oikawa nodded.

The car ride home was awkward and silent. Kagome refused to look at him and Oikawa didn't have the heart to talk to her either. He stared out the window glumly, feeling worse than dirt.

How could he have ruined their relationship like this? They had been doing so well! How could he have made a slip-up that bad? His first time being intimate with someone and he ends up doing it drunk and calling her another name.

_Goddamnit._

Kagome parked outside of his house and Iwa-chan poked her head out of her door. She seemed borderline pissed but Oikawa couldn't bring himself to care.

“Thank you,” Oikawa said. “For everything.”

Kagome shook her head. “It's fine. Just-just don't play with people's feelings like that again, alright?” she smiled at him briefly and before Oikwa could defend himself she was peeling away. Oikawa watched her go, his heart sinking.

He turned around to see Iwa-chan marching towards him, fists clenched. Was she going to punch him? He wouldn't mind. Some roughhousing would be nice right about now.

“Oikawa Tooru,” she hissed and shoved her face into his. “You went to a party last night.”

“Yeah,” he said, suddenly awfully aware how much he smelled like alcohol. He much look like shit. He felt bad that Iwa-chan had to see him like this. But then again, Iwa-chan had seen him in much worse positions so… “How'd you find out?”

“I broke Yoshida,” she said. Oikawa sighed. After all the trouble Yoshida went through for this to go smoothly and not only did Iwa-chan find out, he and Kagome broke up. He was going to have to apologize to his ace later. “And I saw someone upload a picture of you with Kagome on Instagram. Well, first was the picture and then I broke Yoshida. Seriously, Shittykawa, what were thinking? Going to a party like with your girlfriend?”

“Well,” said Oikawa, laughing bitterly. “The worst of the worst happened so it's all good now.”

Iwa-chan blinked and took a step back, really looking at him for the first time. “What happened to you? You look like hell.”

“Yeah, 'cuz I just got back from it,” Oikawa spit. He then sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Sorry, that was uncalled for. Can I ask for some water? I'm really thirsty.”

“Yeah, yeah you can have some water. What happened? Are you okay? Do you need aspirin as well?” Oikawa smiled at Iwa-chan's mothering. It was nice to be welcomed like this. No matter how many time he'd fuck up Iwa-chan would welcome him back in her arms.

What an undying love.

Iwa-chan shoved Oikawa unto her couch and wrapped him up in fuzzy blankets. Oikawa couldn't help but smile at her and she blushed. “Idiot,” she chided. “You're lucky that you look so awful. I wouldn't have pitied you if you didn't.”

“Don't lie, Iwa-chan. That's unbecoming of you,” Oikawa said, and Iwa-chan grumbled under her breath something. Probably Trashykawa. She went into the kitchen and came back with some water and aspirin. “Thank you,” Oikawa said, taking them from her and downing them quickly.

Iwa-chan sat next to him and soothingly ran her fingers through his messy curls, peering down at him with a worried expression. Oikawa melted into her, laying his head on her shoulder. Iwa-chan wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer. “Talk to me, Tooru. You're usually not this quiet.”

Oikawa chuckled. “So you like it better when I'm talking? I thought that you found it annoying,” he said, nuzzling his nose into her neck and breathing in her scent.

“Yeah, it's annoying. But it's you. I know you're okay when you're yabbering on and on,” she replied, laying her cheek on the top of her head. “So, please tell me what's going on. I promise that I'll get mad only after you are okay.”

Oikawa smiled. Another lie. Iwa-chan was done with being angry. The most she'd do now is pinch his cheek and frown at him disapprovingly.

But Oikawa felt himself getting emotional nonetheless. It was easy to lose himself in her embrace and familiar warmth. Only the gods knew how many times her strong arms and comforting words had been his salvation. Only the gods knew how many times she had held him like this, gently coaxing out his sorrows.

It started with sniffles and quivering lips. Then came the watery eyes and the beginnings of a stuffy nose. After that, he spoke. “I'm such an idiot, Hajime. Such an idiot.” And then he spilled out everything while bawling at the top of his lungs. Iwa-chan stroked his hair throughout the whole ordeal. She twirled his curls, patted his hair, kissed the top of his head and once Oikawa had calmed down enough to tearily thank her she kissed his nose.

“You must really like that person,” she said absently, not meeting his eyes for some odd reason.

Oikawa sniffed. “I do. I really do. But I don't think I have the guts to tell her that, you know? Ugh, college is going to be hell.”

“I understand,” she said, sighing and looking to the side ruefully. “I understand.” She turned back to him and cupped his jaw and Oikawa was suddenly hit by how easy it would be for her to push him down right now. How easy it would be for her to be possessive. How easily she could call him her's.

But that would never happen. At least not now. Oikawa wanted her to, though. Wanted her to claim him. Or at least show disgust at the idea so that he would stop running around in circles and finally let go of her.

“You'll stay with me, right?” he asked, teary-eyed. “We'll go the same college or close to each other? You'll be by my side?”

Iwa-chan blinked and chewed her bottom lip. “I promise that I'll stay with you for as long as I can.”

It would only be later that Oikawa realized the implications of her vague words, but for now he was satisfied. Satisfied that he wouldn't have to give up her warmth and strong arms any time soon.

He knew because she promised and Iwa-chan didn't break promises.

That's the way it had always been.

 

 

–

 

Oikawa found out the week before school ended that Iwa-chan would be leaving him.

Iwa-chan's mom had a late shift at the hospital that night so Oikawa thought that it would be a good idea to hop over to Iwa-chan's house to see if maybe she wanted to stay the night. The closer graduation got, the clingier to Iwa-chan he got. He hope that maybe, just maybe, having a sleepover would help cure his Iwa-chan obsession. (Or so he told himself.)

Iwa-chan wasn't home at the moment so Oikawa found himself drifting around her house, taking it all in. He only had a little over a month to enjoy this place. So much had happened here in this little, seemingly unimportant house.

Hadn't an old couple lived here before Iwa-chan had moved in? What had they been called again?

_Yamada._

Their last name had been Yamada.

Oikawa briefly wondered how they were doing. The Yamada's hadn't stayed in contact after they left. Not that Oikawa had really expected them too. Thinking back on it, maybe the Yamadas only liked him because he was a little kid that made their lives a little more interesting. They could be dead for all he knew.

The thought of them being dead made him feel ill so he stopped that train of thought and focused more on things post-Yamada.

He nearly laughed out loud when he remembered how distraught he had been about them leaving. Something about no one loving him like they did? Who knew that the person to come would be everything he could have dreamed of and more? Maybe Iwa-chan didn't love him, but sometimes it sure felt like it.

He quickly sent her a text asking her when she'd be back and telling her to come over his house. She replied back almost instantly with a “10 mins and k”.

Oikawa pocketed his phone, humming to himself cheerily as he made his way to the door. However, as he passed the living room, a huge stack of papers caught his attention. Curious, he made his way there. He hoped that it wasn't taxes or anything like that. If it was, he would tell his parents and find a way to slip some money to them.

They weren't taxes.

They were scholarships. 

Oikawa sat on the sofa across from the table and peered at the papers. Most of them where for her high academics, but a few of them were for volleyball. One of them in particular stuck out and he grabbed it, deciding that he'd deal with the guilt of going through Iwa-chan's personal stuff later.

It was from his college, asking her to join them with a half-scholarship, which was pretty damn good. Oikawa hadn't gotten such a thing from them, but he could afford to pay it's high prices so it wasn't that big of deal. Besides, he had been scouted personally and told that if he didn't pass the entrance exam they would find a way to get him in.

He flipped through the packet, frowning when he realized that it hadn't been filled out. Applications had been due over two months ago. Either Iwa-chan had received it after it was due or they were making an exception for her, neither of them making sense.

Oikawa chewed his bottom lip, a sense of foreboding creeping up his spine. He put the papers back where he found it and his eyes drifted to another packet. It was hidden among other papers so it was hard to spot right away. The only reason why Oikawa had even noticed it was because it was dog-eared. Oikawa reached it and carefully extracted the packet, mindful of not disturbing the papers around it

He's mouth almost dropped open when he saw it.

A full scholarship to Kaetsu University, one of the top volleyball universities in Japan.

Damn. He knew that Iwa-chan was good, but this good? He was so proud of her! Why didn't see tell him about this? This was great news!

But then he flipped through the packet and realized that everything had had been filled out. Meaning that she was going there.

But Oikawa was going somewhere else.

_I promise that I'll be there for you as long as I can._

Oikawa felt his heart stop.

Iwa-chan knew that they weren't going to the same college but she didn't tell him.

She _knew._

Oikawa shakily placed the packet back on the table and got up.

It had never occurred to him that they would go to different colleges, especially now that she can afford to go to one. He'd always assumed that Iwa-chan would just be… there. Some way, some how.

But now, _but now…_

Oikawa stumbled home and yanked the door open, his head swimming and heart pounding violently against his chest.

A future without Iwa-chan. What kind of future was that?

He wasn't exactly mad. How could he be mad? She choose a good university that was strong not only in academics but also in sports. Specifically volleyball. They went out of their way to invite her. He couldn't be mad. Iwa-chan had just been Iwa-chan and won over people's hearts by being Iwa-chan.

What hurt was that she didn't tell him. She knew this whole time and she didn't tell him. When was she planning on telling him, then? On graduation? After graduation? When she had packed up and already had one foot out the door? Maybe she had done it to not upset him, but the idea that she didn't trust him enough to tell him about something this-this big… it hurt.

It hurt so much.

Oikawa had been hoping that he would finally have the guts to ask her out there, in college. Stop being a goddamn coward and just do it. Get it over with.

But with this new revelation he realized that that was a fantasy. He had much less time to tell her than he he originally thought he had. He could easily spend his whole college career pinning over her helplessly. He had already done so for the most of his life. 

But this would be different. This would be harder. He wouldn't be seeing her everyday. She wouldn't hold him when things were rough. She wouldn't be by his side. He could easily mess up their friendship. She could move on to other people, new friends, better friends than Oikawa. She'd always be there for him, but for how much longer would she be his best friend?

He had to do something, anything. Get this over with. School would be over in a week. If-if he did something right now-

The door clicked open.

“Yo, Oikawa? You here?”

Oikawa wasn't sure what took a hold of him. Maybe it was because he was fed up with his cowardice. Maybe it was because he didn't want to have any girl feel like Kagome had, second-best to Iwa-chan. Maybe it was because that there was that faint, faint chance that maybe, _just maybe…_

Oikawa strolled over to her with purpose, ready to put everything on the line.

It was now or never. Either he suffered the whole of university thinking about _'what ifs'_ or he got over her.

Oikawa rounded the corner to where Iwa-chan stood, tapping away on her phone. She looked up.“Hey, Oika-” She frowned. “You okay?”

Oikawa couldn't hear anything over the pounding in his chest and white noise that filled his ears.

This was it.

Now or never.

Oikawa grabbed her upper arms and she glanced up at him, startled. He could only imagine the face he was making. Probably really intense and scary. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea?

But Oikawa was already on a roll, forcing her to backpedal until her back hit the wall, eliciting a soft gasp from her. He locked her in, forearms on both sides of her face and before she could ask him anything Oikawa covered her mouth with his.

This was a bad, bad idea. She didn't consent to this. It would take her a few seconds to react, shove him away and yell at him for doing this. He'd then tearfully explain everything and well… it was all on Iwa-chan after that. Would she forgive him for this? Would she accept this feelings? Would he have to spend the rest of the school year and the first year of college without her?

Nothing could have prepared him for Iwa-chan opening her mouth for him and letting out a breathy sigh, as though she had found _exactly_ what she wanted.

Nothing could have prepared him for the tight grip on his shirt and her tongue gently pressing against his.

_Nothing._

Oikawa couldn't do much else except let himself be carried away by Iwa-chan momentum, her passion. _This_ was what had been missing that time they made out. This intense, deep burning desire for more and that just kept growing and growing.

Oikawa may have been the one to initiate it this but Iwa-chan was the one that took the reigns. His head spun his circles as Iwa-chan pried his mouth open and gently bit down on his bottom lip, slotted their mouths together, and hummed against him. He felt his knees buckle. He gripped the wall tightly, hoping that it would give him the stability he so desperately needed.

 _Air, air,_ he thought, pulling back and taking in a quick breath before Iwa-chan smashed their lips together again. It hurt, his jaw vibrating from the hit, but it hurt in a good way and Oikawa couldn't help be want more.

At some point Iwa-chan threw her arm over his shoulder and her hand tightly gripped his hair. The next time she bit his bottom lip she tugged at it and yep, Oikawa could definitely get behind that.

The choir of angels had returned but Oikawa really couldn't make out what they were saying this time around. He couldn't form one single coherent thought, all words fizzing up into his bloodstream that had gotten increasingly faster and faster. His heart was working overtime and he was starting to feel a little light-headed. But no way in hell was he missing out on this. He had been imagining this for too damn long to even think about stopping right now.

However, humans do need to breathe and Oikawa did have to properly gauge Iwa-chan's reaction to the kiss. He probably had to apologize to her as well.

The words stuck to the back of his throat.

Iwa-chan had always been goregous to him but it was nothing compared to the way she looked now. She peered up at him through half-lidded eyes, panting loudly from her open mouth. She was absolutely drenched in his scent and his heart stopped for a couple of beats. Oikawa felt his mouth move, his lips try to form words, but he couldn't bring himself to say anything, do anything. The air was thick with tension and desire that was barely concealed in both their eyes.

Oikawa felt on the edge, tipping into dangerous territory. Oikawa had never had much self-control when it came to her.

She tilted her head back, exposing her lean neck and tan skin. “Tooru,” she whispered, chest heaving, eyes wild and desperate.

_Fuck._

Oikawa felt himself crashing down, every single wall that he had built up crumbling down at that single word. He claimed her mouth again, filled up with new vigor. Iwa-chan reciprocated, matching his intensity every single step. Before he knew it, they were stumbling up the stairs, laughing as they fell and got back up, kissing each other like the idiots they were.

Oikawa was grinning so hard it hurt. Finally, after years and years of staring but not touching, wanting but not reaching, Iwa-chan was here, in his arms, giggling like a school girl as he showered her in kisses.

_Finally._

They burst into his room and Oikawa closed the door. Iwa-chan had already made herself comfortable on his bed, looking at him with unbridled excitement and emotion. Was it love? Did she love him? Oikawa wasn't sure, but he was glad that it was possible that she liked him a little more than just a friend.

Oikawa climbed on top of her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. Oikawa smiled down at her and she smirked up at him, an expression that Oikawa couldn't help wipe off with his own lips. She pressed back hungrily, practically begging for more.

Oikawa felt it, her hidden feeling for him, so he couldn't help but ask, “How long? How long have you waited?”

“Too long,” she told him that was all that Oikawa needed to know.

The rest of the time was a pleasant blur to Oikawa as he mapped out her skin and way his name tasted as it rolled off her lips. It felt so perfect, so right to be like this with her. It was like they were puzzle pieces, made to fit only each other. Oikawa wondered how he could have waited for this, denied himself this simple pleasure.

Iwa-chan had been right. The wait had been too long.

The aftermath of it all was Oikawa staring up at the ceiling, a pleased buzz filling up every inch of him. He was so, so tired, so, so worn out, but it couldn't have been better. It felt like winning a volleyball game, except ten times better because he had Iwa-chan at his side.

He probably looked like a mess, but Iwa-chan didn't seem to mind. She laid on his chest, her cheek pressed to his shoulder. She gently traced the hickeys that she had left on his neck, fingertips fluttering lightly on his skin. Oikawa suppressed a shudder.

“They're so dark,” she muttered mostly to herself. “I got carried away. Sorry.”

“Hm? It's fine,” said Oikawa, craning his neck a little to see the spots that bloomed from his neck all the way to to his shoulder. He couldn't help but grin stupidly. Half of him wanted to show them off to the world, tell them about how Iwa-chan had claimed him as hers. The other part wanted to keep a secret and only show them off to Iwa-chan just to see how much her face would flush at the sight of them.

“Must hurt,” she said absently, leaning over and gently kissing one of them.

Oikawa shook his head. “I've had worse bruises.” He shifted a little so that she couldn't reach them anyone. She frowned. “Besides, I can't go a second round.”

Iwa-chan shot him a look of such pure disgust that Oikawa started to howl with laughter. He collected her in his arms and buried his face in her hair, breathing in her scent. He sat up, back pressed against the cool wood of his headboard. Iwa-chan snuggled up to him, settling her head just over his heart. She looked so small, so precious like this that Oikawa couldn't help but blurt out everything.

“I love you, Hajime,” he said, nuzzling further into her hair. “I love you so, so much. I don't know what I'd do without you by side. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

It felt so nice to say all of that. So nice to let out all out. He no longer had to hide his feelings, plaster a fake smile on his face anymore. He told her. After years spent imagining telling her this he had finally did it. He was free.

Then he heard a sniffle. Then another. Then a small hiccup.

Oikawa frowned and pulled back. “Hajime?” he asked, because why would he call her Iwa-chan when her first name was right there, ready for him to use?

But Iwa-chan didn't look up, didn't look at him. She stared in front of her, blinking back tears.

Now, Oikawa was feeling very emotional about this as well, but not so much that he felt the need to cry. Alarm bells rang in his head, warning him that something was off.

“Hajime?” he tried again, cupping her jaw. “Hajime, what's wrong?”

Her bottom lip trembled. “I knew it. I knew it. This was a bad idea.”

Oikawa's heart sank. A bad idea? No! This had been the best idea! This had been the best idea they had ever had! How could she-how could she-

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa asked, voice cracking and feeling sick. Had he pushed her to do this? Had she felt the need to do this to make him feel better? Oikawa racked his brain, trying to remember if Iwa-chan had ever showed that she was uncomfortable with the situation. He found nothing. Yet he was going to push the topic until he found out what he did wrong, what she hadn't been okay with, and he was going to fix it and apologize to her.

“This,” she said quietly, sniffing. “This. I-I don't understand, Tooru.” She looked up at him now, eyes brimming with tears. “How can you say that you love me like that when you've been with so many other girls? Girls prettier than me? Girls that are more your type? H-how am I the one that you love?”

Oikawa stared at her blankly. "I-what?"

She laughed hollowly. “Ah man, I-I fucked up. I fucked up big time. It was-how could I ever believe that- I knew it. I knew it. It was a bad idea to do this. It was a bad idea to fall in love with you.” She hiccuped and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “And you love someone else… I can't believe how dumb I was.”

Was this real? Was Oikawa actually hearing this? This wasn't how things were supposed to go! Iwa-chan was supposed that say that she liked him, maybe loved him! She's supposed to say that he meant more to her than just a friend! He'd then ask if they could be boyfriend and girlfriend and if she said yes they would spend the rest of the night cuddling and laughing about how long it took for them to realize that they liked each other.

Not this. Iwa-chan wasn't supposed to be sad like this. She wasn't supposed be feeling second-best or that Oikawa was somehow trying to trick her. She wasn't supposed to tell him that she loved him but not believe that she was the one he loved.

This is all his fault, he realized. This was all his fault to being mysterious about the subject and going off with a bunch of girls that didn't look like her. This was what he got for trying to get her attention by dating others that weren't like her in anyway. This was what he got for not asking what he wanted directly.

His mother had been right.

Heart crumpling and throat going dry, Oikawa said, “Ah. I-I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry.” Iwa-chan glanced up at him, startled. Oikawa loosened his grip on her and bit his bottom lip. “You aren't the dumb one here, Iwa-chan. I am. Wow, so dumb, I can't-” Oikawa choked out. 

“Tooru? What-”

Oikawa laughed bitterly. “Iwa-chan rejected me,” he lamented, shaking his head.

“Tooru-”

“Hm? Ah, this was dumb, wasn't it? What a bunch of idiots we are. Sorry for dragging you until this. I-um- hold on, I'll get your stuff.” Oikawa let go of her and slipped out of the bed, humming to himself as he picked up their clothes. He quickly pulled on his boxers before turning around and smiling at her. “Here, let me help you put this back on. I got you into this mess. Might as well help you get out of it then, right?” He sat back down on his bed, the mattress bouncing underneath his weight. He helped her put her bra back on, smiling at her when he was done and handing her the rest of her clothes. He turned around as she dressed, staring up at the ceiling.

“Tooru,” she said, and he turned back around.

“You're so quick!” he exclaimed, beaming and mustering as much positive energy as he could.

“Tooru, I-” started Iwa-chan.

“-gotta go, right? I understand.” He pulled her out of the bed and lead her to the door. “So sorry that you had to do this. It must have sucked, right?” He laughed. “I must have really hurt your feelings. I really am sorry about that. I'll make it up to you, I promise! But you probably want some space right now, right? I understand. I totally, completely understand and I want you to know that you can take as much time as you want.”

“Tooru,” she tried again and Oikawa gently nudged her out his room. She stood at his door, staring at him in confusion. “What's going on?”

“Other than a teenage boy about to cry? Not much, really. We should forget this ever happened,” he said, tapping his door frame. “Yup. Forget this entirely. And, um, I'll give you some space? You probably can't stand to look at me right now. Don't worry, I wouldn’t be able to look at myself either if I thought that I was playing with my feelings.” The first tears slipped down his cheek. He wouldn't be able to hold on for much longer.

“What are you talking about, I never-” She took in a deep breath. “What are you saying? You aren't making any sense.”

But Oikawa babbled on. “Um, I guess I can't call you Iwa-chan for a while then, right? That's too friendly. Are you okay with Iwaizumi-chan? I'd say Iwaizumi-san but-but I don't think that I can be that formal with you.” He sniffled, knowing that he had a few more seconds before he broke down.

Iwa-chan reached up to touch his cheek but Oikawa pulled back and shook his head. “No,” he said, voice shaky. “Go home.”

'I'm not going to leave you like this,” she grumbled, stubbornly reaching out for him again.

And that's what broke him. 

He didn't even try to stop the sob that came out. He tried to slam the door shut, tried to stop her from seeing him like this, but she jammed her foot in before the door could close completely.

“Oikawa Tooru,” she hissed, face scrunching up in pain. “You open this goddamn door right now and we're going to sit down and talk this out.”

Was she mocking him? Sit down and talk this out? What did they have to talk about?!

“JUST GO!” he yelled, tears flowing freely now. “GO HOME! LEAVE ME ALONE!” Startled, Iwa-chan took step back and that's all that Oikawa needed to slam the door in her face and quickly lock it, something that he had never done to her before. He slammed his fists against the door. “GO AWAY!” he half-screamed, half-sobbed.

 

“Don't do this to me,” she said, voice laced with panic. “Please open the door.”

“Go away,” Oikawa answered, locking the door.

The doorknob rattled. “Don't be stupid.”

Oikawa snorted loudly. “This entire thing was stupid. Everything that I've done is stupid.”

“No, no, Tooru, it isn't-”

“ _LEAVE!_ ” he shrieked, tired of talking to her like this, as thought nothing had happened. He made a beeline for his bed, and stuffed his head in the pillow wailing loudly. “GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!”

 _Let me suffer in peace_ , he thought. _Let me die in peace_. From outside his room he heard Iwa-chan banging on his door, yelling something. But Oikawa couldn't hear her over his own cries, his own feelings.

The banging died down after a while, replaced by soft whines of his name. But Oikawa refused to budge, refused to face her again.

 _This next week is going to suck ass,_ he thought miserably once he heard Iwa-chan's retreating steps. He finally tore his face from his pillow and blearily stared at his alarm clock. His parents would be back in two hours. He had to clean up a little before then.

He slid out of his bed and made his way over to the mirror on his door. He inspected himself and gave a wry smile at his image. He looked like an absolute mess. Hair messed up from sex and face messed up from crying. 

His eyes trailed the hickeys on his neck, the marks that Iwa-chan and had left on him. He gingerly touched them, heart swelling up with sadness. He turned around to check out his back and, yup, there were scratches from her fingernails.

He blinked back tears. Here he was marked by Iwa-chan but she wouldn't have him. Claimed by her but not given the title of _MINE._ He was her's but she wasn't his. They seemed to mock him, remind about his failure to gain her.

What was he going to do with himself now? He was nothing without Iwa-chan. She was his number one. His pillar of strength.

But now she was gone. Gone away because Oikawa had been stupid enough to kiss her and sleep with her. Stupid enough to go flirting around with others girls when his dream girl was right there in front of him. It was no surprise that she didn't believe him. He wouldn't have believed himself either.

 _I'll clean up later,_ Oikawa decided, drifting back to bed, crying again. _I can't do this right now._

The rest of college and high school were going to be hell.

He was settling himself back into bed, wiping his snotty nose, when he heard a tap on his window.

He frowned.

Something tapped again, more urgently this time.

Oikawa sighed loudly and threw up his curtains and stared in horror at Iwa-chan who kept tapping the window.

“Open up!” she screamed, wobbling dangerously on whatever the fuck she was on.

Oikawa quickly pushed up his window and grabbed her just as she was falling. They both watched as her ladder fell down with a loud _clang._

“What the fuck, what the fuck,” muttered Oikawa, helping her up. She popped out of the window and ungracefully fell into his arms. “What were you thinking?!” he exclaimed, cradling her in his arms and kissing the top of her head. To hell with his sadness, Iwa-chan had nearly died!

“You didn't open the door,” she grumbled, shoving him away. Oikawa stared at her. “And I have something very important to tell you.”

Oikawa sighed wearily. “Iwa-chan, I-”

She slapped him. Oikawa sputtered indignantly, stopped only when Iwa-chan gripped his cheeks and screamed at his face. “WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?!”

“What's my problem?” he asked, voice rising angrily. “What's my problem?!”

“Yeah! What the fuck is the sappy and sad bullshit? This isn't the Oikawa I know! The Oikawa I know goes after what he wants and gets what he wants! And you want me, right?”

“I-um-”

“Oh my goodness, Tooru. We made out. We had sex. I explicitly told you that I loved you? Yet I showed a little bit of insecurity and you completely shut down?! No! You're supposed to tell me that you didn't love those other girls! Let me hear it!”

“I didn't love those other girls,” Oikawa repeated. “Oh my god, Iwa-chan, I didn't even like half of them. I just wanted your attention. I wanted you get jealous. I-I only dated girls different from you because I didn't want to be obvious and-and if they looked like you I would compare them to you and-and I already did that with the other girls-”

Iwa-chan shushed him with a press of her finger. “I get it now,” she said, smiling warmly. “I get it.”

“You're the only one that I love,” Oikawa continued. “You're the only one that I've ever loved. Do you get it now? Do you understand that that person that I've been head over heels has been you this whole time? Do you finally understand now?” He's getting teary-eyed again but it's not because he's sad. No, he's not sad anymore.

She smiled at him, her eyes watering. “I get it now. Do you get that you're the boy that has basically made dating impossible for me? You and your cute brown eyes and stupid curls and competitive streak. You and your dumbass smile and nice voice and terrible personality. Do think that I let you come into my house in the middle of the night of the kindness of my heart?”

Oikawa laughed. “Yes? And I still think that you do. Even if you loved me above everything else, it's hard to believe that you didn't do it out of any kindness.” He smirked at her. “You're also a total pushover, so there's that-”

“I'm only a pushover for you,” she said, grinning. She settled in his arms again, cheek resting over his heart. “Let's try this again, hm? I'm going to be super insecure and you're going to comfort me like you're supposed to.” Oikawa snorted and she cleared his throat. “Oh, Tooru, I feel so, so sad. You just told me that you loved but I don't believe it because you've been with prettier girls and-STOP MAKING THAT FACE, I'M TRYING TO ACT HERE.”

Oikawa sniggered loudly and buried his face in her hair. “I love you. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you-” he took in a deep breath. “Do you love me too?”

She sighed loudly. “Yes, I love you, dumbasskawa. I thought that you would have noticed that a long time ago?”

“I should have,” he replied. “We waited too long. And we aren't even going to the same college.” He pouted.

“Wai-wait, what? How did you-”

“I saw the packet,” Oikawa said quietly. “I just wish that you would have told me.”

“I-I didn't want to hurt you,” she said softly. “Also, I'll fight with you about going through my personal stuff later. Right now I'm really tired and you're warm and comfy. Also, please put a shirt on. You're chest is very distracting I want to sleep.”

“Iwa-chan, are you checking me out?” he teased.

“Please put a fucking shirt on.”

So Oikawa did he was asked to do but he made sure to take the oldest, goofiest shirt he could find. She wrinkled her nose in disgust but cuddled up to him regardless. Oikawa pulled up the blankets and snuggled closer to her, breathing in her scent. It had taken a lifetime but Oikawa could finally stop daydreaming about that smell in his sleep and waking up in tears. He had her now. She loved him, she really loved him and now he was her's.

“Hey, Iwa-chan, are we dating now?” he asked shyly. “A-and if we are, can I kiss you?”

Iwa-chan snorted. “We just confessed our love for each and you come up with this bullshit? Yes, dumbass, we're dating now. Also, you didn't have any qualms about kissing me without asking before,” she pointed out, raising an eyebrow.

Oikawa blushed. “I-um-I-I want to kiss you properly now and I want to make-make our relationship official.”

“So, kinda like sealing the deal?”

“Iwa-chan, why?” he whined and she cackled at his embarrassment. “But sorta?”

She gazed at him loving. “Yes, you can kiss me.”

And he did. Smothered her in his love for her, whispered his promises in her ear. She laughed at the feeling, saying that it tickled but never doing anything more than squirm.

And in that moment, Oikawa changed his definition of love.

Love to Oikawa was cuddling with her in bed, showering her in kisses and hearing her ringing laughter in his ears and holding to her so tight that it had to hurt but he couldn't think about loosening his grip because even a centimeter from her seemed like miles for him and she was best thing he had, the best thing that he would ever have, and she was all his.

That was what love meant to Oikawa.

They eventually drifted off to sleep with tangled limbs and matching smiles on their faces. Later on that night Oikawa's parents would unlock the door to find Oikawa and Iwa-chan snoring in harmony, keeping each other warm. Oikawa's parents smiled at each other, commented quietly how much it as like old times, when they were both little and wide-eyed five-year-olds that explored the world and all it's mysteries in the backyard.

 _How cute_ , they said. _It's almost like nothing has even changed._

If only they knew.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> @me: Why do I always end my chapters with my characters sleeping????
> 
> (Also, talk to me about iwaois on tumblr @totally-not-addicted and twitter @TNAhere. Merry Christmas!!)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *crawling on my hands and knees* It... it's done. I can finally rest now. 
> 
> Jesus, this took waaayyy to long to finish but!!! It's done!!! Finally!!! Hope that you guys like the conclusion!!!
> 
> (P.S. Someone made me this lovely  fanart  on tumblr so please go shower them with love!)

Iwa-chan realized that maybe giving Oikawa so many noticeable hickeys was a bad thing when they walked into school two days later.

Oikawa had managed to hide them from his parents by constantly putting on his volleyball tracksuit jacket. He'd pop the collar up and when his parents asked about it he said that he was mourning his youth. Not only did it his parents completely accept his melodramatic ways, Iwa-chan went bright red because she knew the real reason behind his actions.

However, you weren't allowed to wear such things at school so Oikawa had no choice but to show off his marks. While Oikawa didn't particularly care about who saw them, Iwa-chan was adamant about hiding them.

“There has to be something that you can do,” she insisted, striding on the side where the hickeys were in hopes of concealing them. Oikawa wanted to laugh at her logic but allowed her to do it anyways.

“It's not as bad as before,” Oikawa pointed out, gently tracing one particularly big one at the base of his neck. “Besides, I don't care about anyone seeing them.”

“I know you don't,” Iwa-chan snapped. “You told me. But I want to hide them.”

Oikawa pouted. “You know, most people that leave hickeys like these want to them to be shown off.”

“Shut up, shut up,” she hissed, grabbing her head and wildly looking around her. “I got too carried away.”

“Hm, please get carried away more,” Oikawa sighed dreamily. She smacked his arm and Oikawa howled in laughter. He allowed himself to dragged inside the school by his frantic girlfriend.

(Girlfriend, girlfriend, Iwa-chan was his girlfriend~ )

“Who has your skin tone?” she whispered as they made their way to their homerooms. Very few students had arrived at this point so Oikawa wasn’t sure why she tried to act all secretive.

“How should I know?” he replied.

Iwa-chan grumbled something under her breath about him being observant about that kind of thing. “There had to be someone who matches! There needs to be someone who matches!”

Oikawa let out a small chuckle at Iwa-chan's slight hysteria. And she called him a drama queen? “Someone who matches my skin tone, huh?” he said, tapping his lip. “I wonder who-”

Kagome passed by them, talking to one of her friends. Iwa-chan watched her go with wide eyes, biting her thumb. A conflicted expression filled her face. She swallowed hard.

“Kagome-chan!” Iwa-chan cried.

Kagome spun around. “Iwaizumi-chan? Iwa-chan motioned for Kagome to come. Kagome glanced at her friends who merely shrugged and waved her towards Iwa-chan. Kagome jogged up to Iwa-chan.

“Hey, what is uP?!” Iwa-chan squished Kagome and Oikawa’s face together. Iwa-chan inspected their skin tone, wide smile stretching across her face. She grabbed Kagome's face and whispered, “You're perfect.” Under her breath she added, “God, they're practically the same,”

“Um, Iwaizumi-chan?” said Kagome nervously.

Iwa-chan let Kagome go, suddenly aware of how weird she had been. Oikawa chuckled as Iwa-chan turned a bright red. However, there was no stopping Iwa-chan. “Um, Kagome-chan, do you have any foundation that Oikawa could borrow?”

Kagome scrutinized her. “Why? Oikawa-kun doesn't look like he-” Kagome's gaze landed on the hickeys that littered his neck. Her eyes widened in surprise. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” growled Iwa-chan, shoving him closer to her. “This idiot wants to show them off like they're some sort of prize.”

“But they are! Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to put your mouth on my-” Iwa-chan slapped her hand over his mouth, torn between glaring at him and looking at Kagome like a deer in the headlights.

Struggling not to smirk, Kagome remarked, “I didn’t know that either of you were into that.”

“It’s not what you think!” Iwa-chan exclaimed, blushing bright red. “I swear! I never-”

Kagome waved a hand. “Listen, I don’t care what you two do to each behind closed doors. It’s none of my business.”

Iwa-chan still looked frazzled and a little sheepish but she seemed to calm down a little with this. “Okay, okay. Just… could you cover those up, please? I really don’t want- I’ll die if anyone else-“

“Knows you have a thing for sucking?” supplied Oikawa innocently.

Oikawa was certain that Iwa-chan would have kicked him out the building had Kagome not interfered.

“If you bring me lunch for the rest of the week, yeah,” said Kagome, placing a hand on Iwa-chan's shoulder. Again, Iwa-chan looked torn between smacking Oikawa upside the head and looking over at Kagome gratefully. After a few seconds of hesitation, she chose Kagome.

“Done,” said Iwa-chan, shaking Kagome's hand quickly. She left Oikawa in Kagome’s hand, making vaguely threatening gestures that suggested that if Oikawa even thought about not hiding those hickeys he would suffer severe consequences.

“C'mon, lover-boy,” Kagome snickered, taking Oikawa's hand, “Let's see what we can do about those bad boys.”

“I don't want you to do anything about them,” Oikawa whined, allowing Kagome to drag him down the hall. They made it pit-stop at her locker so that she could retrieve her make-up kit.“Let's not do this,” he tried again. “I don’t want to waste your foundation. It must be expensive.”

“No can do. Iwaizumi-chan's orders,” said Kagome. “Can't say no to your girlfriend.”

Oikawa spluttered. “W-what? Wait! How did you-”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “I don't think that Iwaizumi-chan is someone who gives hickeys to anyone. Last guy that could claim that Kakashi-san. That and the both of you are all over each other. It's about time you two hooked up, actually.”

Oikawa was left in stunned silence as they made their way to an abandoned classroom at the end of the hall, granting them the privacy that they needed.

“Sit down, Oikawa Tooru,” said Kagome, patting a desk. “Your make-up stylist has to get ready.”

Oikawa snorted loudly but did as he was told, hopping up onto the desk. He swung his legs like a little kid as he waited for Kagome to set up everything. He watched in mild fascination as she produced dozens of products out of her bag.

“How do you fit all of that in one bag?” he asked in awe. “Why do you need all of that stuff?”

Kagome winked playfully. “A girl's gotta be prepared for any kind of emergency.” She tapped a rather angry-looking hickey on his neck with her forefinger. “Especially emergencies like these. Wild night, huh?”

Oikawa blushed and turned away. “I-I guess you could say that...” he answered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kagome threw her head back and laughed. “You guess?” Oikawa turned beet red. “C'mon, mister, _'I guess that the sex was okay_ ' Stretch your neck out for me.”

“How did you-!?”

Kagome's eyes widened in surprise and her hands flew to her mouth. “Oh my god… Oh my god it was just a lucky guess but… you guys had sex? You-you guys really had sex?

Oikawa bit the inside of his cheek and mentally scolded himself. Iwa-chan really didn't want anyone knowing about this new step in their relationship and here he was, basically spilling it out to his ex-girlfriend.

His ex-girlfriend who had dumped him because had called her Hajime when they had had sex when they were drunk.

Oikawa's head hurt.

Kagome started to laugh. “Oh my god, you guys did the _dirty!_ ”

“Kaaggoommeee ,” Oikawa whined, pounding the desk and pouting. “Don’t say it like that!”

Kagome just cackled at his discomfort. She wiped tears away and grinned at Oikawa who had puffed his cheeks up in anger. “Chill, dude. Chill. I'm just teasing. You don't have to share any details with me, you know. I completely understand.”

“Thank you,” he breathed out in relief. “Thank you.”

 

She gave him a small smile. “Oh, it's nothing. Now, let's get you fix up, shall we?” She released his shoulders and tilted his head to the side so that his whole neck was exposed to her. She opened up a couple of products and started to dab them onto the offending area. The cream was cold on his  skin and her hands were light so it didn't take long for Kagome to reduce him into a puddle of giggles.

“Steady, steady,” she chided gently. “We don't want this to get all messed up and reveal your secret in such a horrible way, hm?”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “I'm only doing this because Iwa-chan doesn't want anyone else to see. If it were up to me I'd wear embarrassing couple clothes. You know the ones. ‘She's mine’ or ‘If lost return to Iwa-chan’ with a bunch of hearts all over it.”

“Is that so?” said Kagome absently, dabbing at his neck and looking a little irritated. “I never pegged you as someone like that. You never suggested it when we were together.”

“Oh, well- um- it never came up?” Oikawa said, nervously.

“Hm,” replied Kagome.

They were silent for a couple of minutes, Oikawa doing his best to ignore the pain in his neck and the cold make-up being applied on to it. After a little while, Kagome spoke again.

“Look, I know I said that I wasn't going to pry but… did you two use protection?”

Oikawa blinked at her in surprise. “I-er-we did. I… I know where my parents stash their stuff so I stole one… so… I mean, I threw it away as soon as I was done too...”

Kagome scrunched her nose up. “Ugh. TMI.”

“Sorry, sorry,” he said. He pointedly stared at a point in the distance, too embarrassed to look Kagome in the eye. “Did- did we do the same?” he blurted out, squeezing his eyes shut. “When we-when we had sex did we use protection?”

Kagome snorted. “Of course we did, silly. You may have been shit-faced drunk but I was still pretty sober at the time. I keep a couple of condoms under my bed.” She laughed, mostly to herself. “You know that you're not the only guy I've slept with, right?”

Oikawa couldn't help but gawk at her. “That’s news to me.”

Kagome hummed and spread something his neck with her finger and he squirmed. “Well, you're the only guy in this school that I've had sex with so I don't really have much of a reputation here for that. Just a wild party girl, really.” She stepped back to admire her handiwork. “All done! You can straighten your neck out now!”

Oikawa did so, wincing in pain as he rolled his neck in order to work out the kinks. “Why didn't you tell me?” he asked.

“Hm? Tell you what?” said Kagome, packing up her things.

“About sleeping with other guys. You never mentioned that.”

Kagome shrugged. “I didn't feel that it was important. I mean, I know that you probably wouldn't have judged me but… I dunno. I wanted to impress you, I guess.”

“Impress me?” Oikawa repeated dumbly, looking at her in disbelief. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Kagome grinned. “You'd be surprised, Oikawa Tooru. There are more people in the world that love you other than Iwaizumi-chan.”

Oikawa let out a loud, sad sigh and let his head hang down miserably. “I-I realize that now.” He looked down at his hands. “I really fucked things up with you, didn’t I?”

“Oh, yes. Royally, I may add.”

“Oh, wow. Thanks,” muttered Oikawa. “It’s not like I feel guilty about it.”

“A guilty conscience is a good. Means you know that you did something wrong,” Kagome said, smiling fondly at him. She glanced to the side. “I still really like you, you know. Not as much as before but…” she sighed.

“Hey,” Oikawa said, leaning forward.

Kagome’s eyes watered a little. “Sometimes, when I was with you, it was easy to fool myself into thinking that you could feel the same way about me.”

Oikawa opened his mouth and closed his mouth. Open, close. Open close.

“Oh,” he said lamely. “I-I’m sorry.”

Kagome snorted and rolled her eyes. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “But then I'd see you with Iwaizumi-chan and I'd realize… I don't stand chance. Nobody stands a chance. There is no way to beat her.”

“You felt second best,” Oikawa said. “Shit-I… _Fuck._ ”

“I was jealous at first,” she admitted quietly. “Here you were, being my sweet boyfriend, but you never looked at me the way you looked at her. She is your everything and… well… I was just a something. An important something but still… a something.”

“Kagome-” Oikawa started but Kagome put her hand up to silence him.

“Yet I thought I could still win you over. You’ve been head-over-heels for this girl for years and I was stupid enough to think that you could love me back. Yoshida and Kakashi-kun tried to tell me it was no use. Yoshida had his heart broken for the same reason, you know? Iwaizumi-chan liked him, she really did, but you were ultimately the most important person to her.”

“I never meant to hurt any of you,” said Oikawa quietly. He swallowed. “Neither of us wanted to.”

Kagome pursed her lips. “When did I ever accuse you of that? Every single person that's been in a relationship with either you or Iwaizumi-chan knew what they were going up against. Some, like me and Yoshida, just managed to fool ourselves that we could reach the same level of importance.” She laughed bitterly. “I guess that's why it hurt me so much when you called me Hajime.”

Oikawa winced. “Kagome, I'm-”

“Sorry?” She smiled at him sadly. “I know. I know you are. You keep saying that.”

“But you don’t believe me.”

“I do! It’s just… I knew that we weren’t meant to last but it still hurt to end. We were such a cute couple. It’s sad to know that we’ll never be like that again.”

Oikawa held Kagome’s gaze for a moment. In her eyes he saw longing and sorrow mixed with anger. But he also saw hope and fondness.

“Maybe we don’t work as lovers but we sure as hell work like friends,” said Oikawa.

Kagome cracked a smile. “I suppose so. You’ll still talk to me, right? While you and Iwaizumi-chan are smooching each other in college.”

“We’re not going to the same university,” he blurted.

“Oh. I-really? That’s… that’s news to me. When did you find out?”

“Two days ago.”

“And is that why you two are…” Kagome’s voice trailed off. She chewed her bottom lip. “Oh. Wow. I’m sorry.”

Oikawa shrugged. “It’s nothing. Long distance relationships work out just fine, right? It’s just a couple of years. We’ll visit each other. There’s no way that we’re going to fall for someone else, right? She won’t find someone better. We’ve loved each other for years. And true love… true love doesn’t fade…?” He looked up at Kagome. “I-I’m just going to be quiet now.”

Kagome studied him, her expression a mixture of pity and sadness. It was obvious that she wanted to poke at Oikawa’s insecurities but decided against it. “Do you want to change the topic?”

“Yes, _please,_ ” Oikawa breathed.

“Well, it still has to do with Iwaizumi-chan but it also has to do with you so that helps.” She leaned towards him and gave him a sly grin. “Have you heard about The Bet?”

Oikawa tilted his head, intrigued. “The Bet? No. What is it?”

Kagome’s grin grew. “See, at the beginning of the year a couple of got together and made a bet. As the year went by more and more people got into it. About half the class is in it. Each person put in 200 yen.”

Oikawa whistled. “That’s a lot of money. What did you guys bet on?”

“We're betting on when you and Iwaizumi-chan would become official and finally kiss.”

“Excuse me?” said Oikawa, mildly amused.

Kagome hummed. “And I need you to do me a huge favor so that I can, you know, get my hands on some money.”

“Are you asking me to help you cheat?” Oikawa asked, laughing as he said the words.

 “More like blackmail but you get the idea! Think of it as payment for me saving your ass today.”

 “Alright, spill it,” said Oikawa, genuinely curious and interested in what Kagome wanted of him.

“I need you guys to make out right after we graduate. Or just a quick peck on the cheek, I'm not picky. Just need you guys to proudly declare how in love you are with each other and kiss in front of everyone.”

“I'm in,” said Oikawa immediately. “Not much of a blackmail since it's something that I have thought about doing, though. But if Hajime isn't comfortable with it I'm gonna have to say no.”

“So thoughtful,” Kagome sighed, placing her hand over her heart. “Such a gentleman.”

Oikawa flashed her a grin and they both ended up laughing so hard that their sides hurt.

“C'mon, lover boy,” she said, extending her hand. “It's time to take you to the love of your life.”

 

Oikawa rolled his eyes but smiled at Kagome and took her hand. They made their way through school like this, waving at whoever they knew. Most people gave them odd looks, glancing down at their intertwined hands and turning around to whisper something in their friend's ear. But it's not like either of them minded. People could talk all they wanted to, nothing changed the truth of the matter; Oikawa belonged to Iwa-chan.

Kagome lead him to Iwa-chan's classroom so that she could be the judge of Oikawa's make-up.

“Ta-da!” said Kagome with a flourish, bowing. “Good as new!”

Iwa-chan scrutinized him, running her fingers over the spots where the hickeys lay. She licked her thumb and rubbed her wet finger there.

Iwa-chan frowned. “It doesn't come off,” she said.

“That's the point, isn't it?” asked Oikawa in amusement, voice low as well. “Or do you want people to know that you like to-”

“You stretched your neck out like you wanted it!” she protested quietly. “It's not my fault that I-”

“Have a biting kink?” finished Oikawa teasingly.

Iwa-chan's face turned a brilliant scarlet red and Oikawa was certain that there was smoke out of her ears. Her mouth open and closed uselessly as she tried to say something, anything in the wake of Oikawa's comment. Finally, frustrated, she just snapped her jaw shut and hissed, “We will talk about this later.”

Oikawa gave her a dumb grin.

She rolled her and turned to face Kagome who had watched the whole scene in front of her with a raised eyebrow. “Kagome-chan, what did you put on him? How does it not come off?”

“I gave him water-proof foundation,” Kagome replied, shrugging. “Who knows that he'll get himself into. I just went with the safest route.”

Iwa-chan walked to up to Kagome and cupped Kagome's cheeks. “You are a goddess. We are not worthy of your help.”

Kagome threw her head back and laughed. “Iwaizumi-chan! It was nothing, really!”

“No, no, no. You don't understand. You are a lifesaver. An angel sent from heaven. I am forever in your debt. You didn't have to waste such expensive makeup on this idiot.”

Kagome smirked. “Oh, please. I did it for you, Iwaizumi-chan.”

“I love you?” Iwa-chan squeaked. “I love you so much? I-I how could I ever repay you?”

Kagome's eyes glittered. “With money.”

Iwa-chan blinked. “I-I don't have a lot at the moment but I might have some spare cash that I could-”

“No, I don't want your money. I just want money.”

Iwa-chan frowned. “Do you want Oikawa to pay you?”

Kagome shook her head and smiled. The warning bell rang and Iwa-chan cursed under her breath. “You guys will be late if you stick around.” She turned to Oikawa. “Update me on this later, okay? I'll go looking for you during lunch.”

“I'll see you then, Hajime,” replied Oikawa, giving her a flirtatious wink. Iwa-chan went beet-red and turned away from him.

Iwa-chan glared at him over her shoulder. “We should reserve my first name for serious matters.” Oikawa blinked and swore that he saw her cast him a sly smirk before marching away. Now it was Oikawa's turn to blush.

Kagome pretended to gag. “Lovebirds,” she coughed.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “You know that we're perfect for each other.”

Her eyes softened. “I know,” she said quietly, looking down at her feet. “I know.”

Oikawa slung an arm across her shoulders and hummed. “Kagome-chan?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Oh, Oikawa-kun, the make-up wasn't that big of a de-”

“No, not the make-up,” Oikawa interrupted. “Although, I do applaud you for your astounding work.”

Kagome raised an eyebrow. “If not the make-up, then what?”

“For everything. For putting up with me and my sorry ass. For being such a wonderful person. For doing what's right. For setting me straight… must I go on?”

Kagome blushed and tilted her face up to look at him. “Oikawa-kun?”

“Yes?”

Her face broke into a smile. “My pleasure.”

 

 

–----

 

 

Caps flew into the air and Oikawa kissed the living daylights out of Iwaizumi Hajime.

It was one of the greatest moments of his life.

Both the kiss and graduating part, that is.

Since he was a young boy Oikawa had dreamed about this moment. What would it be like to stand in a line, receive his diploma, and know that you would never step foot into the school like a student ever again? Would he cry? Would he feel immense joy? Would it be completely bittersweet? How much would saying goodbye hurt?

As he made his way to his spot on the line that day he came to the shocking realization that he would soon have the answer to all of those questions.

He gazed about the sea of classmates as they spoke to each other in hushed voices. Everyone looked excited and nervous, ready yet so unprepared. They had spent their whole lives waiting and working for this. Now that the day was here no one really knew how to act. Most were exhausted, drained from the rigorous school year. After this celebration most would be staying at home for the rest of the week, clocking in all those hours of sleep they had lost during the year.

At least, that's what Oikawa and Iwa-chan had planned to do.

Teachers called out names as they lined the students up. Faces and conversations blurred as Oikawa was jostled around from side to side, trying to find his spot. Or so he told people. He just went around in circles to find Iwa-chan and pester her.

After his third appearance Iwa-chan snapped at him. “Oikawa Tooru, I swear to god if you don’t go over to your spot you’re going to regret it so bad,” she hissed.

Eyes glittering he said, “What? Are you going to stop kissing me? You only have good self-control when others are around.”

Iwa-chan opened and closed her mouth. Open and closed. A couple of curious glances were sent their way, wondering why Iwaizumi Hajime’s face was so red and Oikawa Tooru looked so pleased with himself.

Finally, Iwa-chan sputtered out, “I hate you. You’re insufferable.”

Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Oh, that’s rich coming from someone who would scream out my name when-”

Iwa-chan slammed her palm over his mouth, eyes searching the crowd frantically. “Just tell the whole world, would you?” she hissed.

“I would like too,” Oikawa admitted quietly. Iwa-chan dropped her hand and stared at him. “I don’t want to keep you a secret, Hajime. You’re the most precious thing I’ve ever had. It makes sense to show you off.”

Oikawa cupped her jaw and drew circles on her cheek with his thumb. She leaned into his touch and muttered, “I wouldn’t have fallen for you if I knew that you were this sappy.”

People were definitely staring now, trying to piece together what was going on between the two of them. Oikawa leaned in close and whispered. “You love me because I’m emotional.”

She let out a soft snort. “Hm, nothing beats wiping your snot.”

Oikawa shook his head and dropped his hand. Straightening his back he said, “So, are you ready to let them all know that you’re mine?”

Iwa-chan raised an eyebrow. “Excuse me?”

“Go out with a bang, you know? After all these years of denying we come out as lovers. How cool is that?”

Iwa-chan sighed. “Yes, that’s nice and all but I wish that we got some of the money from the bet.”

Oikawa tsked. “Bets don’t work that way, Iwa-chan.”

“I know, I know.” She paused and then asked, “Do I get to know when you’ll kiss me? Or just going to randomly grab me?”

Oikawa winked. “That’s up for me to decide.”

“Where the hell is Oikawa Tooru?” a teacher screeched. The students burst into laughter as Oikawa rushed over to his spot, trying to avoid the angry teachers. “Someone get him!”

However, the teachers no longer had any control over the students so they threw their professors off and Oikawa was able to slip into his spot without getting caught. The look on their faces were priceless when the teachers found Oikawa in his spot, smiling at them.

“You’re lucky that it’s the end of the school year,” they told him angrily. “We would have sent you straight to the principal’s office otherwise.”

The students around Oikawa giggled when he plastered a smile on his face. “Good thing it’s all over then,” Oikawa remarked.

The teachers continued to fuss over the graduates until it was time to go. Oikawa fidgeted as friends and classmates slowly marched past him in a lovely procession. It hit Oikawa then that high school was over. He was no longer a pupil. He was an alumnus.

The person in front of him started to move. During graduation practice Oikawa always had trouble slowing down his pace. His legs were too long and he liked to go fast. Now, because of his heavy heart and the weight of realization, Oikawa’s stride shortened. The procession was a surreal and out-of-body experience from the moment he stepped into the room until he sat down in his seat. He craned his neck to see the people that had gathered for the special occasion. In the back he could make out his family, his sister happily snapping pictures. Oikawa smiled to himself and turned to face the stage.

It was solemn and joyful event. The students sang their songs and listened to heartfelt speeches from teachers, staff, and the student body president. Oikawa nearly cried during the one that his homeroom teacher gave. He laughed with everyone during the principal’s one. He even didn’t hate the one his history teacher gave.

Finally it was time for the diplomas and students went up one-by-one to receive them. Each name that was called out earned a loud roar of shouts and applause. Students and families yelled their approval and celebrated the beginning of a new life. Oikawa almost jumped out of his seat when they called out Iwa-chan’s name, the crowd chanting ‘Iwaizumi, Iwaizumi.” She looked flustered at all of the attention but took her diploma with grace.

Oikawa flashed her a thumbs up when she sat back down. Iwa-chan rolled her eyes and smiled at him.

When it was Oikawa’s turn to go up he could barely walk. His legs shook underneath him weight as he made his way up the stage. He could barely hear the people shouting his name and his eyes stung from the camera flashes. He took his diploma with shaky hands and bowed to the important people that he was supposed to bow to.

“You did well, Oikawa Tooru,” the principal said.

“Thank you,” Oikawa said, blinking back tears. He made his way back to his seat and his peers clapped him on the back and continued to shout out the names of the rest of the students. Iwa-chan caught his eye.

_Emotional_ , he heard her voice in his head chide him.

_But you still love me_ , he thought back.

The rest of the ceremony went by in a blur. More people stood up and gave speeches. Another round of songs were sung. And then, finally, they were released.

The students went ballistic, trampling over each other as they made their way towards the entrance. Oikawa stumbled among them, looking for Iwa-chan. He scanned the crowd, looking for her familiar spiky hair.

“Take one, take one!” was chanted through the students. Caps with the Aoba Josai insignia were passed around. Oikawa put one on his head, happy with the snug fit.

Just as he was passing the caps around a voice called out his name. Oikawa turned around and came face-to-face with Yoshida.

“Hello,” Yoshida said.

“Hello,” Oikawa replied.

“I can I talk to you?” Yoshida asked, wringing his hands together.

Oikawa handed the caps to some girl. “Yeah, sure. What do you need?”

“In private, I meant,” said Yoshida.

Oikawa hesitated. A quick glance around told him that Iwa-cha was not in sight. She was probably off taking pictures with her friends. He turned to Yoshida. “Sure.” He followed Yoshida away from the crowd, the noisy students fading into the background.

Yoshida leaned against the brick wall of the school, gaze far away and unfocused. “This is a rather odd place to say goodbye,” Oikawa joked, uneasy about the look on Yoshida’s face.

Yoshida cracked a smile but refused to look at Oikawa. “As my setter and captain I felt that you deserved a special farewell.” He paused then added, “Kagome-chan told me about you and Iwaizumi-chan.”

“She did what now?” Oikawa cried hysterically. Yoshida jumped at this. “She promised me that she wouldn’t tell anyone!” Oikawa wailed, burying his face into his hands. “Iwa-chan is never going to forgive me now!”

“ _Shh! Shh!_ Relax!” Yoshida said, trying to placate Oikawa. “She only told me because of the bet thing!”

Oikawa’s head snapped up. “You’re in it too?” he inquired incredulously.

Yoshida nodded, having the decency to look at least a little bit ashamed for his actions. “I mean, after what happened between me and Iwaizumi-chan I just… realized that you two were endgame.” He scrunched at nose up and swallowed painfully, as though the words were a terrible bile.

“Thank you?” Oikawa said, confused.

Oikawa looked at the ground, scratching the back of his neck. While things had been awkward between the two of them it had been bearable. Yet, at the same time, some grudge still lingered and Oikawa wasn’t sure how he felt about Yoshida tackling it like this.

 “No need for thanks. I think that I owe you some honesty.”

“Honesty? For what?”

Yoshida stopped looking out into the beyond and stared at Oikawa. “I knew that you liked her when I asked her out.”

Oikawa felt like he had been punched in the stomach. The confession felt foul and nasty in a way that Oikawa could only describe as disgusting.

“Oh,” Oikawa said, because there wasn’t much else to say.

Yoshida lost his nerve and went back to looking into space. “I half-expected you to fight me. I thought for sure you were going to kill me. But then you said yes and then she said yes and I thought to myself, ‘ _This is my chance. She can be mine now._ ’ And maybe it was like that in beginning. But as time went on I realized just how wrong I was. Good grief, I was so off the mark.”

Yoshida glared at his shoes. “It started off as little things. Oikawa did this and Oikawa did that. And then she started to compare me to you. And then she started talking more about you. Whenever I called her out on it she denied it, saying that you were her best friend therefore a package deal.”

“Is that why you broke up with her?” Oikawa asked.

“It was part of the reason but it mostly her attitude about it that got to me. One time she got so pissed at me that she threw a book in my face and screamed at me, calling me names and saying that I was a horrible boyfriend for doubting her loyalty. But then she’d turn around and look at you with those adoring eyes and I felt so cheated on. We had given each other everything the other person wanted and yet… it wasn’t enough. We fell apart.”

“You took her virginity,” Oikawa said, which sounded much more like an accusation than he wanted it to be.

Yoshida glared at him dryly. “Really?”

“Sorry. You’ve given me a lot of information and I’m still processing it.”

Yoshida rubbed his eye. “Okay, whatever. Well, anyways, the day before the break-up we had the worst fight yet. I told her to go suck your dick since she seemed to intent on riding it and she told me that she would and that she’d record the whole thing and send it to me so show me how it should be done.”

Oikawa winced. He had always known that Iwa-chan could be crass and rude but that was certainly uncalled for. “I apologize on her behalf.”

Yoshida snorted but seemed to accept it.“So I go looking for her the next day, right? Because I want to set the record straight and if end up breaking up, well… whatever, you know? At this point our relationship wasn’t enjoyable anymore. And when I didn’t find her in her classroom or with her volleyball team but with you… all could see was red. I still don’t know what came over me. I couldn’t so do anything for the rest of the day because I all I could think about was how I had fucked up so much in less than five minutes.”

“Doesn’t take long to destroy things,” Oikawa said glumly.

Yoshida hummed in agreement. “Well, anyways, this is getting really long and I just want to say that I hope that you can forgive me for breaking her heart when I promised that I wouldn’t. I’m sorry for asking her out in the first place. And I’m especially sorry for still feeling a little jealous that she ended up with you and not with me.”

The two boys fell silent. It was weird to examine these old wounds that had been patched up but had become scars. Oikawa felt oddly vulnerable and very thankful to Yoshida.

“Say something,” Yoshida pleaded, still not looking at Oikawa. “Say something because I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”

“I forgive you,” OIkawa said. Yoshida looked up at him. “I forgive you.”

And just like that a weight that Oikawa wasn’t aware of disappeared. A knot inside his chest loosened and he felt light on his feet. He reached his hand out to Yoshida and they shook hands.

Yoshida smiled at him. “Thank you.”

Oikawa let go first. “So, about this bet… when did you say we were going to kiss?”

“Same as Kagome,” Yoshida replied.

Oikawa clapped his shoulder. “Hope that the couple of yen that you guys are gonna win can make up for the damage Hajime and I have done to you guys.”

Yoshida laughed at this. “Well, it certainly is a good consolation prize.”

The two of them made their way back into the crowd and Oikawa searched for Iwa-chan. He found her chatting up one of her teammates.

“Iwa-chan!” he called and she turned around. “It’s time!”

She furrowed her eyebrows at him. He motioned for her to come. She excused herself from her conversation and headed over to him. He wrapped an arm over her shoulders and called for everyone’s attention.

“Hey, everyone! Watch this!” Oikawa cried. He then proceeded to dip Iwa-chan in front of the entire class and kiss her. She tasted like victory and sunshine and Oikawa wasn’t sure if the roaring applause he heard came from his peers or from his head. Caps were thrown into the air in celebration. School was over and Iwa-chan and Oikawa had finally gotten together.

What happened next was a blur to Oikawa, the only thing he can recall clearly was Iwa-chan turning his cap backwards and whispering, “I love you, Tooru,” and Oikawa thinking to himself, _thank goodness you do._

 

 

\--

 

 

A few days later Hiro Iwaizumi died in the middle of the night in a nameless hospital. According to the nurse that had been charge of him he had been fine just a few hours earlier. Well, as fine as a dying patient could be.

“I have a daughter,” he told the nurse before she left for the night. “She hates me.”

“I bet she doesn’t,” the nurse replied nervously.

“She hasn’t visited me. She hasn’t called me. Last time I saw her in person she refused to look at me in the face. She hates me.” The nurse stood there uncomfortably as a single tear rolled down Hiro’s face.

“I’m sorry,” the nurse said, unsure what else she could say to console the ailing man. She was too overworked and underpaid for this kind of job.

“It’s all my fault.” He paused then added, “She graduated a few days ago, you know. Her mother sent me a picture of the two of them. They looked so pretty. Can you get me my phone, so that I could see them again?”

The nurse did so. The picture was very nice and the women in it were pretty. “They’re lovely,” the nurse told him.

“I know. I wish I had known that before,” Hiro said, voice thick with emotion as he stared at the phone screen. The nurse let him observe the picture for a little bit longer before putting away. She told him to ring them if anything happened. Hiro promised that he would. The next day when she came in Hiro Iwaizumi had already slipped into the afterlife.

Oikawa was there when they got the phone call. He was playing a board game with Iwa-chan, making her laugh as he blatantly broke all of the rules. Iwaizumi-san had answered the phone.

“Hello?” said Iwaizumi-san.

“Hello. This is this the Iwaizumi household? Um… Iwaizumi Fuka?”

“Yes, that would me.”

“I’m calling from the hospital in Hokkaido…”

Iwa-chan froze and Iwaizumi-san put the phone on speaker as the nurse recounted her tale. Oikawa watched as Iwa-chan clenched and unclenched her fists, gritted her teeth, and stared into space.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” the nurse said.

“Thank you for your concern,” Iwaizumi-san replied.

“His side of the family will be hosting a funeral soon. I suggest that you contact them to get the legal side of his will in order.”

“I will do that, thank you for calling,” said Iwaizumi-san.

“My pleasure. Again, my condolences.”

Iwaizumi-san hung up the phone and the house was plunged into silence. Iwaizumi-san stared at the phone, Oikawa stared at Iwa-chan, and Iwa-chan stared at the wall.

“Well,” Iwaizumi-san said finally. “I guess that’s that.” She looked oddly calm for somebody who had just found out her ex-husband had died. But, then again, Hiro Iwaizumi had been dead in this household for years already.

Later that night when he was in Iwa-chan’s room and skin was pressed against skin Iwa-chan said, “I hate him.”

Oikawa stopped and blinked down at her. “Come again?”

“I hate him,” Iwa-chan repeated, voice tinged with anger. “I haven’t stopped thinking about him since that stupid phone call. Why would I care that he’s dead? He’s always been dead. Why does his ghost still haunt me?”

The last thing that Oikawa wanted to do at the moment was talk about dead fathers and restless spirits. He was much more interested in the way that Iwa-chan was moving underneath him. He would like to finish that, at least, before moving onto this new topic.

Iwa-chan, on the other hand, felt differently. “I’m not going to that damn funeral. Nobody is going to be able to drag me out of this house. I don’t even remember my grandparents on his side. Why would any of them care for me?”

Oikawa sighed and plopped down beside her, resigned on the fact that they were no longer going to have sex.

“I think that you should go,” he admitted.

Iwa-chan glared at him. “Excuse me?”

Oikawa shrugged. “You know, to pay your respects. You don’t have to get sentimental about it. Just show up, stare at whatever his body is in, nod to yourself, and move on your life.”

“No way,” Iwa-chan said. “He doesn’t deserve it.”

“This isn’t about whether or not he deserves it,” Oikawa said drily. “It’s for you to get over him.”

“I _am_ over him,” Iwa-chan said.

Oikawa snorted. “Listen to yourself! If you really didn’t care about your dad or the funeral you definitely wouldn’t be thinking about them at all. Especially not now.”

“You’re just angry because you’re not on top of me anymore,” Iwa-chan grumbled

Oikawa shrugged. “I can be salty and full of wisdom at the same time.”

“You’re full of bullshit,” Iwa-chan said, dragging Oikawa’s body back on her. “Let’s get this over with.” Oikawa was more than happy to oblige with Iwa-chan’s request.

When Oikawa woke up the next day he found Iwa-chan sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to him. Oikawa admired the way that the soft morning sun hit her bare back for a moment, reminding himself that yes, this was all his. He propped himself up on his elbow, the bed dipping underneath the movement. Iwa-chan looked over her shoulder.

“You’re up,” she said.

“Good morning, gorgeous,” Oikawa replied with a wink. Iwa-chan rolled her eyes but the small smile that tugged at her lips gave away her amusement.

“Isn’t it a little too early to pet names?”

“Never, my love.”

Iwa-chan stared at his face for a moment before shaking her head and looking away. “You’re so full of it. Why do I even like you?”

Oikawa moved closer to her, draping an arm over one shoulder and hooking his chin on the other. “Because I may be a pain in the ass but I’m your pain in the ass?”

“Probably,” Iwa-chan said. She leaned back against him and they fell on the bed against, Iwa-chan’s head on his chest. Oikawa started to slowly to card his fingers through her hair, lovingly sighing as she pressed closer to him. He was drifting away into the realm of dreams when Iwa-chan spoke up, “My mom told me that she wasn’t going.”

Oikawa frowned. “Come again?”

 “The funeral,” Iwa-chan clarified. “Did you know that his side of the family treated her like shit after my dad left? They’d call her up and act like the divorce was all her fault. As though she was the one yelling at him and getting drunk of her ass. As though she was the one that constantly made me feel like shit.”

“Really? You never told me.”

“Mom didn’t tell me until recently. Wanted to keep me safe or whatever. You know, someone even had the gall to tell her that the only reason why my father married her was because of me. Me! They had me after they had gotten married!” Iwa-chan scrunched her face up. “Besides, if that were true he would have stuck around for a lot longer.”

Oikawa looked up at the ceiling, amazed how shitty people could be. “Wow.”

“I know, right! Just accept that your family member was a piece of shit and get over it. It’s not that hard.”

Oikawa snorted. “Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”

Iwa-chan glared at him. “Excuse me?”

“Hajime, listen to yourself. You claim that you don’t care about your father anymore but for the past hours all you’ve been able to think about is him. Sure, it’s not good things but your mind is still stuck on him. You’re obviously not over him.”

“I am,” Iwa-chan said half-heartedly. “Believe me.”

Oikawa sat up and hugged Iwa-chan close to him. She curled up in his arms and pressed a kiss to the hollow of his neck. “I’m not going to force you to go to the funeral, not after what you’ve told me. But you still have to find a way to make peace with him. You can’t spend the rest of your life hating him.”

“Watch me,” Iwa-chan muttered against his neck.

Oikawa chuckled. “I know that you can go forever if you wanted to. But it’s just not healthy, you know? There’s no use in using up all of that energy on someone that doesn't deserve it.”

“He deserves to be hated.”

“You’ve hated him for years now, though. Maybe it’s time to lay that grudge to rest.”

Iwa-chan looked up at him and narrowed her eyes at him. “Since when were you so reasonable?”

Oikawa shrugged and grinned. “Maybe you’ve rubbed off on me.”

“Maybe,” said Iwa-cha softly, putting her head back on his chest. They were quiet for a minute, enjoying each other warmth. Finally, Iwa-chan spoke up. “I could yell at his grave. Smash something over the tombstone. Spit on it.”

“Those are all fine ideas,” Oikawa said. “The first step to healing is always revenge.”

Iwa-chan laughed at this. “So it’s a date, then? We go to the cemetery and I scream at his lifeless body?”

“I’ve been on worse dates,” Oikawa replied.

Iwa-chan smiles fondly at him and kisses him gently. “We’ll see about that.

 

 

\--

 

 

 

They don’t go to the funeral. They do, however, visit the cemetery the day of the funeral. Iwa-chan had asked her mother if she wanted to come along but her mother declined.

“I feel like I buried him a long time ago,” Iwaizumi-san said.

Iwa-chan shrugged. “If you say so. I’ll spit on his grave twice for you.”

Iwaizumi-san flicked her daughter’s forehead. “Respect the dead! You don’t want him to haunt us!”

Iwa-chan stuck her tongue out. “Fine. I’ll just stomp on it then.”

Iwaizumi-san narrowed her eyes at Iwa-chan. She looked over at Oikawa. “Control her, yeah?”

Oikawa gave her a sheepish smile. “I’ll do my best but I can’t promise anything.”

Iwaizumi-san didn’t seem very pleased by the response but accepted it nonetheless. She watched as the couple climbed into the car. Iwa-chan rolled down the window to yell out a final goodbye as her mother exclaimed, “Don’t do anything that will get you arrested!”

“I won’t!” Iwa-cha called back as they sped away, Oikawa on the wheel. Iwa-chan’s smile dropped once her mother was out of sight. She slumped in her seat and looked up at the ceiling. “Is this the right thing to do, Tooru?” she asked out loud. Oikawa opened his mouth to reply but Iwa-chan waved a hand. “No, forget it. Don’t answer that.”

 The trip to the cemetery was quiet; Oikawa too focused on getting them there and Iwa-chan too lost in her own world. They had to park a couple of blocks away from the cemetery too since there were no proper parking spots anywhere nearby. Oikawa took Iwa-chan’s hand as they made their way to the place.

The sun was annoying bright, clashing terribly with the couple’s mood. The closer they got to the cemetery the more nervous Iwa-chan grew, shoulders tense and hand squeezing Oikawa’s. By the time they got to the gate Iwa-chan was a mess.

“We don’t have to do this today,” Oikawa reminded her gently.

“If I don’t do it now I’ll never do it ever,” Iwa-chan said through gritted teeth. She let go of Oikawa’s hand and took in several deep breaths. Oikawa waited until she had composed herself. “Okay. Alright. Let’s get this over with.”

The couple searched the grounds for the newest grave. They’d occasionally stop to look at pretty tombstones with fancy names and bouquets of flowers. For the time ever Oikawa wondered what his own tombstone would look like. What would its inscription say? Who leave flowers for him?

“You’re making a face,” Iwa-chan said.

 

“I’m thinking about death,” Oikawa replied. He chuckled, mostly to himself. “It’s amazing, isn’t it? No matter what you do we all end up the same way. In a box in the ground, rotting away for eternity.”

“Hm. Some people have nicer boxes though,” Iwa-chan pointed out, eyeing a rather elaborate looking grave.

Oikawa snorted. “Pretentious even in the afterlife. I wonder how much that ceremony cost.”

“An arm and a leg, probably,” Iwa-chan said. The two snickered at this and then continued to search for Iwaizumi Hiro’s grave.

It took fifteen more minutes of scouting but Oikawa finally spotted it. He tapped Iwa-chan’s shoulder and made motion that its general direction. Iwa-chan nodded in understanding and allowed herself to be led to the grave.

The soil was fresh and the flowers were the newest. Oikawa counted at least nine bouquets in total. The tombstone is unimpressive, just a smoothed over slab of rock with Hiro’s name, his date of birth and death, and some quote about smooth sailing. Iwa-chan crouched down to inspect the tombstone.

“I think he said this to me, once. You know, back when we lived in the city.” She looked up at Oikawa. “Seems like a lifetime ago. We were so cute and innocent back then. Now look at us, all cynical and ugly.”

“Iwa-chan is still very cute.”

Iwa-chan rolled her eyes at him fondly and turned back to the grave. She traced her father’s name with her fingertip, oddly contemplative. “Before he became a total asshole he used to tell me that I was cute. Anything that I did was cute. I could have covered myself in mud and I was cute.” Her bottom lip trembled as she spoke, finger suddenly shaky. “I-I don’t know why he ever stopped. Why he ever stopped calling me cute.”

“Hajime-” Oikawa started as Iwa-cha slowly got up.

“Why? Why did you ever stop? What did we ever do to you that made you stop wanting us?” Her eyes watered. “All I wanted was a dad. Why couldn’t you give me that much?”

Oikawa watched in slight shock as tears started to streak down Iwa-chan’s face. He reached out to touch her but she shoved him away.

“I fucking hate you,” she hissed at the grave. “I fucking hate you and everything you fucking did to me and mom. Playing us like some fools, thinking that you ever cared for us. And then you show up with some money thinking that the only thing you need to smooth things over is that. What do you have to say for yourself?”

The grave, unsurprisingly, did not respond. A bird chirped in the distance.

Iwa-chan sunk to the ground, shaking with rage. “You’re such a fucking coward. Liar, cheater, dead-beat, good-for-nothing, awful, son of a bitch- GOD! There is not one horrible nickname out there that doesn’t fit you because you are scum. The lowest of the low You hear me?! THE LOWEST OF THE LOW!”

Oikawa scanned the area and makes an apologetic gesture to a girl a couple of meters away. She glanced at Iwa-chan who was frothing at the mouth. She tilted her head in Iwa-chan’s direction.

_Will she be okay?_ the girl asked.

“I HATE YOU!”

Oikawa winced. _She will be_ , he tried to communicate.

The girl merely nodded and collected her stuff.

“I’m so happy that you’re rotting away in that hole. You deserved to die in that hospital without any loved ones because guess what? YOU FUCKING PUSHED THEM AWAY FROM YOU! ” Iwa-chan pounded the ground and Oikawa took that as his cue to crouch down and hug her.

Iwa-chan continued to scream and yell, only this time Oikawa couldn’t make sense of the stream of words she spewed. Some of them were verbs, some of them were nouns, but most were crude insults that would have pissed anyone off really quickly. Oikawa remembered what his mother had told him about how offended ghosts would come back to haunt those that disrespected them. Oikawa hoped that Hiro’s spirit would be a forgiving one.

As Iwa-chan calmed down her words lost their bite. She slumped in Oikawa’s arms, exhausted and upset. Oikawa gently caressed her face as Iwa-chan sniffed, her boiling anger being replaced by a sense of mourning that she could barely comprehend.

Finally, voice shaking and cracking, Iwa-chan asked her father one last question.

“Why didn’t you love me, daddy?”

“Oh, Hajime,” Oikawa said as Iwa-chan started to sob. She twisted around and buried her face in the crook of his neck. Oikawa stroked her back and cooed softly in her ear as she cried.

Oikawa’s not sure how long they spent like this. Maybe it was five minutes. Maybe it was an hour. All Oikawa is certain of is that after bawling her eyes out Iwa-chan went still in his arms. He kissed the top of head and she sniffled.

“You want to go home now?” he asked.

Iwa-chan nodded. Oikawa’s muscles protested as he helped her up. He dusted the dirt of his pants and allowed Iwa-chan to use the hem of his shirt as a tissue.

“You good?” Oikawa took her hand.

Iwa-chan squeezed it. “As good as I’ll ever be.” She looked back at the grave. “I’ll be back, so you better be ready for round two.” Oikawa snorted and ruffled Iwa-chan’s hair.

“The poor man. Won’t even get a break in the afterlife.”

“It’s what he deserves,” Iwa-chan said, sniffing.

Back in the car whatever spark Iwa-chan had had faded away. She was silent the whole trip, eyes trained somewhere far in the horizon. Oikawa glanced at her worriedly, biting his bottom lip. He opened his mouth, tried to muster out something, anything.

It’s okay. It’s all over. You don’t have to worry about that guy anymore.

But the words stuck to the back of his throat. For once in his life Oikawa Tooru was at a loss for words.

Oikawa parked the car in front of Iwa-chan’s house. He turned off the engine and the couple was engulfed in silence. The only thing that could be heard was the soft breeze outside. Oikawa felt around for Iwa-chan’s hand.

“You doing okay?” he asked once he found it.

“Hm,” Iwa-chan replied, gaze trained on her lap.

Oikawa stared down at her face, willing for something to come up. And then, something finally hit him.

“He watched us play.”

Iwa-chan blinked and looked at him over the corner of her eye. “Play?”

“Volleyball,” Oikawa clarified. “He had seen a couple of our matches.”

“How do you know that?”

“He told me,” Oikawa said. Iwa-chan turned around to face Oikawa. Oikawa took in a shaky breath. “I was setting the volleyball outside and he… he kinda came out of nowhere and thanked me. For being your friend. He told me that back in the city your friendships didn’t last very long. Is that true?”

Iwa-chan slowly nodded. “I’d get bored of them quick. That or we’d get into a fight and that was it.”

Oikawa smiled. “Thank goodness none of that ever happened with me.”

Iwa-chan looked away. “You’ve always been the exception.”

Oikawa’s heart tap-danced in his chest. “Let’s not get all mushy now. I need to finish telling my story.”

Iwa-chan grinned. “Alright, alright. Go on.”

Oikawa cleared his throat. “Okay, so where was I? Oh, right. Kinda friendless in the city.” Iwa-chan pouted. “So I try to convince him that it was you that was good to me and he… well he asks me if I’m sure. I get a little defensive and tell me to back off. He apologizes and then… he wished us luck in the tournament. Hajime, he knew that we were captains. Told me that he had seen us play a couple of times.”

“I never saw him in the crowd,” Iwa-chan said.

“Neither did I,” Oikawa said.

“I wouldn’t have been able to play if I knew that he was there,” Iwa-chan confessed. “Do you think he saw our last game?”

“Maybe? Probably?” Oikawa sighed. “I never bothered to find out.”

“Did you think about it?”

“... yes.” The couple looked at each other.

Oikawa saw a mixture of emotions play on Iwa-chan’s face. She was worrying her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. Something was bothering her. Something was eating her up.

“Hajime?”

Iwa-chan let out a breathy laugh. “When I was younger I used to think that he was a monster. He was always so angry. Always so mean. He made us cry so much, Tooru. And that’s what monsters do, right? Make people feel like shit. But as I grew older I realized that it was just him being… human. A terrible human but human nonetheless. Do you want to know why my opinion changed?”

Oikawa made a soft sound. “Iwa-chan…”

“I saw him, Oikawa. I saw him every single damn time I looked into the mirror after I had hurt someone. I-I don’t want to end up like him. I’m so scared of being just like him.”

“You’re nothing like him,” Oikawa said firmly. “You never have been and never will be.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know you well enough to know that’s true.”

Iwa-chan studied him with those beautiful black eyes of hers. “You’re too kind.”

Oikawa shook his head. “I’m just telling you the truth.”

“Do you think that he was a monster?”

“If it helps you any the last time I talked to him I got the vibe that he was a sad, old man how had made too many mistakes in his past. Not a monster. Just a sad, sad person,” Oikawa said.

Iwa-chan hummed, going over this new information. “Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Promise me that if I ever start leaning that way, you’ll catch me before I fall.”

 “I don’t need to promise you that. You already know that I will.”

Iwa-chan smiled one of the biggest, brightest smiles Oikawa had ever seen on her. “I know. I know.” She let go of his hand and stretched. “Well, as much as I’ve enjoyed this talk I think it’s time for me to go.”

Oikawa hummed in agreement. “Don’t forget that you and your mom are invited over for dinner.” Oikawa glanced to the side. “You know, it’s the perfect time to tell them that we’re dating.”

“Oh, my mom already knows,” Iwa-chan said nonchalantly.

“You told her?!”

“Oh, no. She figured it out,” Iwa-chan said, laughing at Oikawa’s face. “She’s a smart lady and she knows me too well.”

“I wish I could say the same about my parents,” Oikawa grumbled.

“Your parents know you too. Relax.” She gave him a quick peck on the cheek and opened the car door. “See you in a few!”

“Bye, Hajime,” Oikawa said. He watched her make her way inside her house. He stayed in the car for a while longer, fingertips drumming the steering wheel. It was going to take Iwa-chan a long time to get over her dad but, at least for now, she was on the road to recovery. Someday she’d get over her father.

_And someday she could get over you_ , whispered a voice inside his head.

_No, not this. Not now_ , Oikawa thought desperately.

_You’re going your separate ways. She’s no longer going to be at your side. She could easily find someone better than you. Tick tock, Tooru. Tick tock._

Oikawa shook his head, hoping to dispel that nasty voice but its words lingered in his mind.

Whatever, Oikawa thought as he stepped out of the car. Just concentrate on telling your parents who your new girlfriend is. One step at a time, that’s how it’s done.

He may be running out time with her but he was going to do his goddamn best to enjoy the time they had left.

 

 

\--

 

 

It's been two hours since the Iwaizumis had left the dinner.

 “You already knew?”

“Oh, Tooru, how could we not? You and your cute little doe eyes.”

“She’s leaving soon, isn’t she?”

She was.

“Go out and be with her. Enjoy yourselves.”

But how could he enjoy himself when he’s not sure how long his forever with Iwa-chan would be? How could he enjoy himself when he knew that he would be waking up without her by his side. He’s spent to long wanting to be with her and now… now there’s barely anytime left.

He’s memorized her face, her smell, her body. He doesn’t want to forget her. He doesn’t want to forget him.

He’s so scared. So scared of losing her. So scared of the future.

The clock doesn’t stop running.

_Tick, tock, Tooru._

_Tick, tock._

 

\--

 

 

“Oh, hell no. You’re not taking that to college.”

“Stop poking around my stuff, Iwa-chan!” Oikawa exclaimed, rushing up to her and hastily shoving the stuffed toy back in the box.

“Oikawa, that thing is so old that it’s probably go grandkids. Throw it away.”

“Maybe you don’t have the best memories of Xenothorp but I’ll have you know that he was favorite toy when I was three years old.”

Iwa-chan stared at him wide-eyed. “This thing has a name? You named it Xenothorp?”

Oikawa grinned. “I know, right? It’s a great alien name!”

Iwa-chan let out a long suffering sigh. “All these years. All these years of knowing you and- you know what? Forget it.” She gets up and playfully kicked Oikawa shin. Oikawa dramatically fell down and let out the fakest whine Iwa-chan had ever heard.

“Hajime! That hurt!”

“Oh, grow up!” she replied.

From his spot on the floor Oikawa watched Iwa-chan wander around his room, picking around the drawers and poking her head into the closet. As thrilled as he was to find her in his room he couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing there.

“Aren’t you supposed to be packing up?” he asked her.

“I’m basically done,” she said. “I just need one more thing.”

“And what is that one more thing?”

She coughed. “I-um. I don’t know yet.”

She continued to look around his room.

“You better not be stealing anything of mine.”

Iwa-chan snorted. “You know, just for that, I’m going to take this… this shirt!” She grabs something from a drawer and quickly puts it on. Oikawa propped himself up on his elbows to look at it better.

It was an ratty-looking long-sleeved shirt. The stars on it are faded from both use and age. Oikawa could barely make out the NASA logo out it.

“Sexy, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teased.

“Oh, that’s exactly what you’ll think when I call you up late at night and tell you that it’s the only thing I’m wearing.”

“I will be upset if I don’t get that call.”

Iwa-chan laughed. She continued to snoop around the room, obviously searching for something. Oikawa’s heart hurt when he remembered that Iwa-chan wouldn’t be doing this in a week. Oikawa watched for a little longer before getting up and picking up his phone. He scrolled through it until he found the playlist he wanted.

“I can’t see you and I know that you’re up to something,” Iwa-cha said when the music started to play. “And a song in English, really?”

“The lyrics are nice,” Oikawa said defensively as he set the phone down. He made his way to Iwa-chan who had now turned around to face him. He took her hand and pulled in her in close to her. “Besides, I’ve been practicing with it.”

“Practicing?” Iwa-chan asked.

“Oh, yes. What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t dance with you at least once?” Oikawa said as he put a hand on her waist. Iwa-chan smiled as he led her through a simple swaying movement. Oikawa pressed his forehead against Iwa-chan’s and closed his eyes, drinking in her scent. God, he wanted to get drunk on it.

“I’m not leaving yet, you know. We still have a week left,” Iwa-chan whispered.

“I know,” Oikawa replied, tightening his grip on her. “Doesn’t mean that I have to like it.”

“I’ll text you all the time. We can Skype, call each other, send each other emails. Hell, I’ll send you packages through the mail. What’s a little distance?”

“It’s a little distance,” Oikawa grumbled.

“Tooru, we’ve already been through this. Multiple times I may add.”

“That doesn’t mean that all my worries will just disappear!” Oikawa exclaimed. Iwa-chan’s eyes widened. Oikawa groaned. “Sorry, sorry. That was uncalled for.”

“This is really bothering you, isn’t it?” Iwa-chan said quietly.

Oikawa looked away. A new song started to play. “I don’t-I don’t want to lose you, Hajime.”

Iwa-chan’s eyes softened. “You’re never going to lose me.”

“I’ve been reading things, Hajime. I’ve been researching long distance relationships and-and they’re really hard. I won’t get to hug you. I won’t get to kiss you. For the first time in thirteen years I can’t just run next door to talk to you, okay? I’m worried. I’ve always been emotional and-and-”

Suddenly Oikawa felt like he couldn’t breathe. The dam of fears and emotions that he had kept bottled up since he first found out that Iwa-chan was leaving him burst.

His eyes watered. His voice cracked.

“I’ll miss you, Hajime.”

Iwa-chan cupped his cheek and placed a gentle kiss to his lips. “I’m going to miss you too, Tooru. I’m going to miss you so much,” she said, voice shaking. “And that’s why I’m not going to let some months of not being right by your side destroy our relationship. We’ve been together for thirteen years. We can last a couple of years not being stuck by the hip. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?”

Oikawa snorted but smiled at her. “Optimist.”

“Realist, actually,” she said, grinning. Iwa-chan hesitated then added, “Wanna know what I was looking for?”

“Hm, that would be nice to know,” Oikawa said.

“I was looking for the shirt that was most like you.”

Oikawa frowned. “The shirt that is most like me?”

Iwa-chan nodded. “The NASA one works, I guess. But there has to be something even more you than that.” Oikawa gave her a funny look and she blushed. “Don’t look at me like that! It’s not that weird! I just want something when it gets too much. For-for when I’m lonely but I can’t talk to you.”

“You can always talk to me.”

“You know what I mean.”

The song continued to play. The couple swayed back and forth, lost in their own worlds. Finally, Oikawa pulled away and headed towards his closet. Iwa-chan watched as he rummaged around, muttering to himself. After a few minutes Oikawa let out a cry of triumph. He emerged with the ugliest and oldest shirt that Iwa-chan had ever seen. Oikawa handed it over to Iwa-chan with a flourish.

“For you, my love,” he said.

Iwa-chan took the shirt and examined it. Years of either use or disuse had discolored the once white shirt. The front of the shirt had a panda that had been terribly colored in with blue and orange markers. On the back, scrawled in huge Kanji, was none other than Iwa-chan’s full name.

Iwa-chan narrowed her eyes. “This… isn’t this the shirt you stole from me when we were younger?”

Oikawa grinned. “Nothing screams Oikawa Tooru more than something that belongs to Iwaizumi Hajime!”

Iwa-chan stared at him with wide, unblinking eyes. As time passed Oikawa’s confidence diminished. Was she upset with him? He knows that he’s a couple of years late returning the shirt but-

And then she started to laugh. Laugh and laugh and laugh. She threw her arms around him, grinning ear to ear. Oikawa wrapped his arms around her, chuckling himself.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” Iwa-chan laughed in his ear. “I’ve love you forever and always, Shittykawa.”

And in that moment something changes in Oikawa.

For thirteen long years Iwa-chan had loved him and she was willing to love him for many more.  No matter what the future may bring he knew that no matter what Iwa-chan would be his side. Through thick and thin, ups and downs, Iwa-chan was the strong pillar that kept him standing, she was that light in the horizon that shone no matter what. What else could he need than her and her love?

The future may be uncertain but Iwa-chan was as steady as a sunrise.

There was nothing to fear.

(He thanked his five-year-old self for throwing that damn volleyball over the fence.)

He squeezed to her tight.

“Forever and always, Iwa-chan.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW did this take long! But it's finally over! Thank you all so much for reading this rollercoaster of a fic! I really can't express how much I enjoyed writing it. :D
> 
> As always, you can talk to me over at @totally-not-addicted on tumblr or @TNAhere on twitter. HOWEVER! If you interested in checking out more original content you can find me @LauNataStudios on tumblr! There's not much up at the moment but in about a week or so I'll be posting things daily. 
> 
> Again, thank you all so much and I hope to see you again soon!

**Author's Note:**

> This is really long and I still have to finish the other half of this but omg did I have so much fun with this. 
> 
> Anyways, you can come and scream at me about anything Haikyuu @ my tumblr totally-not-addicted.
> 
> Hope ya'll liked this~


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